Now that the UK has become the First State of the American Empire, Emperor Tramp has declared that we will be beautifully tariff free. There will be no import taxes or export taxes between Britain and the USA. Sir Keyer Stammer is delighted to announce that he has successfully negotiated that we can have all the Kentucky Fried Chicken, chlorinated or unchlorinated, that we could possibly want.

The Transport Secretary, whoever he or she or they or it, is today, has confirmed that all Government cars will be driverless Tesla vehicles. Thereby enabling 2,000 chauffeurs to be redeployed to filling potholes.

Buses and trains will also be driverless, although the RMT union has agreed drivers will still be paid for working from home. Except in London, where there will be no more buses until Mayor Khannot resigns and apologises for calling Pres Tramp a xxxxing idiot.

All European goods will double in price because of the beautiful 100% tarriffs on imported products. So we will all be drinking no more French wines or eating unhealthy Italian cheese, instead we will have a healthy diet of McDonald’s burgers and Domino’s Pizza.

Our country’s security is now assured by Emperor Tramp’s guarantee that he will come to our rescue in the event of a war. Provided that is that we have contributed at least 10% of our budget to buying American armaments. Oh and it might take a year or two before they can mobilise.

THERE WILL BE MORE, MUCH, MUCH, MORE TO COME IN THIS NEW BEAUTIFUL TRAMP WORLD.