Nonsense

Lady Fitzroy-Herbert-Fitzroy popped into my head today and now she won’t go away.   I don’t know where she comes from, I don’t know who she is.  I am sure I’ve never met her, but there she is.

Like a long-lost song, with a tune you remember, but the lyrics are long forgotten.    I need a Spotify for names, a musical reminder.

Lady Fitzroy-Herbert-Fitzroy surfaced in the early hours, just before I properly woke up, and I know she will irritate me all day.   Where did she come from ?  Where and when will she go ?

I know, I’ll Google her and find a thousand Fitzroy-Herbert’s.  Perhaps she invented SHERBERT ?

There were Herbert’s at school, maybe that’s where she’s from.  Although, they were called Right-Herberts.

So Google, here we go.  Get me out of this miserable mystery.   What is this accidental mental history?

According to Google there are only two Fitzroy-Herberts living  in the UK and they both live in Cardiff.   There’s a connection with my history, at least she could be Welsh.   I wonder what happened to the other Fitzroy?    Any way I am sure it’s not them.   Maybe it’s an ancestor?

There is a Fitzroy-Herbert in the Victorian era, who was an architect with a very large practice, so there’s another connection, but I have never heard of him, or her.

Then, there is the well-known politician, William Fitzroy-Herbert.  Although, not so well-known now as evidently he was in the 1830’s.  Could he have been married to Lady Fitzroy-Herbert-Fitzroy ?

I guess I will just have to leave it for another day, before I Google my life away 🙂

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Smart Dementia Tracker ?

At a time when Brexit is dominating every headline and the Government is in a complete mess, Ministers are searching around for any daft idea that will capture them a bit of attention.    The problem when you are desperate is that you don’t think it through !  Here’s a great example, being championed by headline grabbing Health Minister – Matthew Hancock :-

A front page headline in the Daily Mail, 4th Feb, “DEMENTIA PATIENTS TO BE TRACKED BY SMART METERS”.    It deserves to be in bold capital letters because it would be such a breakthrough in the safeguarding of such vulnerable people !

Of course, this is only going to work if the electricity boards around the country take a sudden paternalistic interest in looking after the thousands of older people with dementia who live on their own.   I can’t see why they would do this, but you never know !

According to the report of a research study at Liverpool John Moores University in conjunction with Mersey Care NHS Trust, your every move, every 10 seconds could be monitored.     Then if you don’t switch the kettle on at the scheduled time or if you open the back door when you are not expected to, a carer, presumably from the electricity board, could rush to your assistance.    Or if you fall asleep in front of the tele they could at least phone your relations in the middle of the night and let them know about this waste of energy.

This might be a very good idea.   Or it may be yet another reason to persuade you to have a Smart Meter installed 😀

By the way, Ministers have promised that every home should have a Smart Meter by 2020. Happily the installation programme is massively behind schedule and way over budget.

Watch out, Big Brother is about !!!!!!

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Last Laugh Looney Party Reborn !

This is the sequel to my last post and the start of a whole new political era in the Last Laugh Looney Party UK.    Or as it is more commonly called the UP-EM-ALL-PARTY 😀 😀😀😀

The first step will be to encourage more resignations from the current political parties.   This will be done in the traditional way of appealing to MPs’ egos and their pockets.    All the defectors from either main party will be offered Ministerial positions in the new Government, if the LLLP is successful at the soon-to-be upcoming General Election.   Each new Minister will have a car and a chauffeur and an important red box and six paid Ministerial Aides, (which could be their family and friends) and a Ministerial title of their own choosing.    This may well mean we have several Chancellor’s of the Exchequer and probably twenty or thirty Overseas Aid Ministers, who will jet about saving the world with our money.

There could also be some surprising new positions:-   Mr Corbinista, Minister for Manholes;  Mrs MaybeMaybenot, Minister for Designer Shoes;  Mr Boris Johnstoned, Minister for Hairdressers;   Mr Michael Goad, Minister for Rubbish one day and Climate Change the next or any thing that will keep him in the headlines.    These are just a few of the roles they could fulfil in a new Government.

The smaller party’s are not included in this offer, they can just continue arguing amongst themselves.   They will have exclusive use of the debating chamber because all the Ministers will be out and about in their shiny new cars and on frequent foreign trips.

Of course this is all fantasy, there won’t really be hundreds of new Ministers, that was just a politician’s promise that the LLLP never intended to keep once it got into office 🤡.     There won’t even be many politicians, since one of the first moves of the LLLP will be to slim down Parliament.   The House Of Lords will become the House of Lord and that’s me.  The House of Commons will have just two MP’s, one for everything and one against everything, and I, as the Chief Lord will have the casting vote.   That way it will be very democratic !

Long live the UP-EM-ALL-PARTY !

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LLLP Cabinet Resignation !

A few years ago the Last Laugh Loony Party were asked by Prime Minister MaybeMaybenot to help with the Brexit negotiations.    Now that task is almost complete and she has reached a truly Looney solution, which is to have no solution at all.  It is completely clear that the LLLP has done the job.    Both sides of the political divide are at odds with each other and with themselves.

The E.U. negotiators couldn’t have been more helpful or more unhelpful every step of the way.   Mr Junket’s pronouncements only served to inflame the situation with each new position.    Ably-assisted by French President Macceroni pompously throwing in his sixth pennarth  every now and again, or should that be six euros 😀

Back in Britain, the resignations have started in Parliament in both the Conservative and Labour Parties.     They are jumping ship before the ship sinks, but they don’t yet have another ship to jump onto.   Is this an opportunity for the LLLP seize control ?    Maybe /maybe not.   The cabinet leavers are rudderless – they don’t know where they are going –  and leaderless.   It is a prefect LLLP political storm 😈

The headline news tomorrow will be :-

“ The LLLP  resigns from the Cabinet and forms a new coilition !”

Watch this space……………. for more resignations .

 

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Rubbish Bins 3

This is the third blog in the series of posts about bins and rubbish.   A key question to ask is “what is the difference between clutter and rubbish?”   It occurs to me that one mans clutter is another man’s rubbish.   I say man, because women are generally much tidier than men.

If we could only link up all the hoarders of clutter with the rubbish collectors, we would have a lot less rubbish to dispose of.

But really we need a much more radical solution, so I thought the Last Laugh Looney Party may have some ideas :-

  • Maybe we could insist that manufacturers collect all the excess packaging their goods arrive in and also pick the product when it expires.    Very quickly there would be a lot less wrapping going on and products would be made to last a lot longer.
  • Littering could be made a criminal offence, including any waste you were thinking of throwing out.   Bin collections by Local Authorities would no longer be necessary.    Convicted offenders could be sentenced to collect 10 times the weight of waste they threw away.
  • Or we could build one great big giant rubbish mountain, say somewhere in the Scottish Highlands, where it won’t offend too many people.    They should have voted for the LLLP instead of SNP 🙂.    Eventually it could be turned into a tourist attraction with ski lifts and artificial snow.  The methane from it could be used to give free energy to the Scots to compensate them for all the smell when the wind blows southwards.
  • How about if we sent all of the worlds rubbish into space.   A rubbish cloud over the north and south poles might act like a solar shield.    It could fill up the holes in the ozone layer and eliminate the problem of global warming.

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Rubbish Bins 2

Where does all the rubbish go?

Maybe the Pig Bins really do go to pigs.   That used to be the case, but after outbreaks of swine fever, that has all been stopped.    So who is eating it now ?   Maybe a pop-up restaurant or a quickly moving on roadside cafe.

The garden bins are made into compost and sold back to gardeners.  This is a clever bit of commercial enterprise by the Council.  You might even say it was downright cheek, since they now charge extra for having garden bins in the first place.   You could of course have a compost heap in your garden and save the Council doing all that running around.

The wonderful recycling bin, with its shiny bright blue lid, sucks in everything like a black hole.   In turn it creates hundreds of jobs for sorters.  Paper sorters, cardboard sorters, plastic sorters, bottle sorters,  metal collectors and sorters for all the left overs.   Of course we don’t do that sorting in our country, we send recycled waste to be sorted halfway around the world, so someone else can do the messy job.  The carbon footprint of transporting the rubbish by supertanker to the sorting hubs in the third world, probably contributes more to global warming.  But hey, who cares, it enables the politicians and the local councils to claim that they are doing their bit to save the environment.

Finally, the general waste is reluctantly sent to landfill.  Obviously over time, as we all get much more efficient at eliminating general waste, there may be nothing left to fill all the 10,000 holes in Blackburn, Lancashire.

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Rubbish Bins

Once upon a time we all had one small rubbish bin which was emptied by the Council every week.   No fuss, no guidelines and no worries.   It just happened.

Now that’s all changed.    We are all environmentally friendly and expected to save the world from sinking under the weight of all out waste.     Who could possibly disagree with that ?

So now we have 5 bins !    One for food waste, otherwise known as the “pig bin”, although I doubt if the pigs get to eat any of our left overs.   Two for garden waste, because bonfires in the garden are not good for global warming, nor the nextdoor neighbour’s washing on the line.    Then there is the most virtuous bin, the recycling bin.     This is the one that Councils are most proud of.    So much so, that they display big signs saying what percentage  of waste they have recycled each week.    Finally there is the bin you are now almost ashamed to put out on the street, the general waste bin.    This is only collected every three weeks, though I don’t doubt that someone in the Council is already thinking about extending it to annual collections once the populous have been fully re-educated about the evils of waste.

There is just one niggle in my mind about all this effort we are putting in to sifting and sorting the rubbish in our lives.   What exactly are the Councils doing with all this rubbish?

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