LLLP BREXIT ALL-OUT

Are we in or are we out ??????        Of Europe that is.

The deal that is being cobbled together by Bodj and his new friends in Europe – Mr Barmy and Mr Tusk seems to be a half-in, half-out hokey-cokey, shake it all about solution.   We seem to be paying a lot of money (£39 billion) for very little change.

So before things are finalised, the Last Laugh Looney Party has two other options to consider :-

The All-Out Option

  • Just say Bye-Bye, Auf Wiedersehen, Adieu, Adios, Ciao and 22 more goodbyes.
  • Buy no more foreign cars from Europe.  We will just have to drive around in Rolls Royce’s or Jaguars.
  • Buy no more French, German, Italian or Spanish wine.   With climate change, we will soon be able to have vineyards all over the UK, except for Scotland, where they can drink Irn Bru instead.
  • Buy no more foreign food.   We survived through the war and were healthier.   We can “Dig for Brexit” and all grow our own veg.   Then have cottage pies, steak and kidney pies, non-chlorinated chicken pies and chips, lots of chips.   Oh and baked beans.    But no sprouts, we will send them all to Brussels.
  • Buy no more continental holidays, especially now we don’t have Thomas Cook anymore.  We can revive Butlins and Pontins holiday camps.   Won’t that be fun😀
  • Bye bye to all the politicians who wanted to stay in Europe, they can go and live on the Costa Del Sol, if the Spanish will have them.  Or maybe they will have to go to a refugee camp in Calais until they can be resettled in Turkey or Rumania, or one of the other 26 states that they like so much.

     THE “ ALL-IN OPTION”  WILL FOLLOW IN MY NEXT BLOG

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Pangolin Premonition

Pangolins popped up

in a TV quiz today

so I know

they haven’t gone away.

 

“Pangolins live in Asia

and what other continent?”

“Africa ! “. I said,

because it was in my head.

It just goes to show

from nearly a year ago,

with all that walking-head chatter,

Pangolin premonitions matter.

 

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Ever Recurring Themes

GrumbleSmiles blog outpourings over the last eight years have been a loosely linked series of issues all related to my years of experience working with older people and my own Age Rage :-

PACKAGING

I started writing about this subject not because of environmental concerns, but because you can’t unpack things !   In the interest of the longevity of products, particularly foods, everything now seems to be double or tripple sealed, which presumably gives it a much longer shelf life.   This is all very well for retailers, but it’s not at all convenient when you think about the longevity of some of their older customers.   Poor eyesight and arthritic hands make opening many packages a real challenge.   The temptation to use a sharp knife or scissors can make opening some packages a real hazardous activity.    Packaging is certainly not age friendly and in the long term, goodness only knows, what the waste plastic and cardboard is doing to the planet.

CLUTTER

After a lifetime of accumulation and a reluctance to discard or waste anything, lots of older people find their lives surrounded by clutter.    Of course it’s not always called clutter, many things have sentimental value and are regarded as treasured possessions.    The problem is, it’s not easy to draw the line between what you really need and what is nice to have.   Therefore you usually end up with too much of everything.   Then it gets in your way.   You can trip over it, move it from shelf to shelf, stack it in drawers and cupboards, put it in the attic, garage, cellar if you’ve got one and generally just forget about it.   The trouble is, in my case, the clutter is on my mind, but I have been so ineffectual about reducing it 😤

PILLS

Pills and ills are a daily subject of conversation for many older people.   The everyday aches and pains of old age are usually addressed with a tablet or two, or a swig of medicine or a liberally applied ointment.   GPs and pharmacies exist in profusion to feed this appetite for cures.   Whether this works or not, who knows, but we still keep taking the pills.

FRUIT

It used to be that “an apple a day keeps the doctor away”.   But now it appears we all have to eat at least 5 pieces of fruit or veg a day.   I guess that’s vegetarian inflation.

I doubt my blogs on these subjects have changed any behaviours, including my own, and I’m sure I will still be writing about them in years to come 🙂 🙂

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LLLP Buckstop

This is a continuation of the LLLP solution to the current Brexit stalemate.

The stumbling block in the Brexit negotiations seems to have been the “ backstop”, or perhaps it was a bust-up, or more likely a  buckstop.    The Last Laugh Looney Party answer is not to bother with an agreement at all, then we don’t need a backstop.   SIMPLE 😀

Having banished all the politicians to foreign parts they can huff and puff all they like, but it won’t change anything.    The LLLP Caretaker Government will not rush into anything for a while, they will wait and see how Europe responds to Britain closing the channel tunnel.    This will provide a cooling off period, which should help with global warming.

The next step will be a series of LLLP Weekly Referendums, open to all UK citizens over the age of ten, except for politicians stranded abroad and criminals living in Spain.    Here are some of the first questions :-

  • Should politicians living abroad still be paid a salary?
  • Should the sun shine every day ?
  • Should we all have a lot more money ?
  • Should we all have free ice cream every day to combat global warming ?
  • Should we all wear funny hats on a Friday to celebrate our independence ?
  • Should traffic lights be switched to red on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays to save the planet from pollution ?

Our politicians are never going to be able to answer these key questions so the LLLP will ask the people to vote by phone each week, (just like Strictly ) and the results will be announced on TV on Sunday night and be implemented on the following Monday.

THERE WILL BE MORE  LAST LAUGH LOONEY PARTY “DAFT IDEAS”  TO CHEER US UP IN THE FOLLOWING WEEKS.

 

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LLLP Brexit Holiday

Our hard working, dedicated MP’s have got themselves in such a tizzy over leaving the European Union.    The Last Laugh Looney Party have decided they need a break.   They are all obviously all in such a confused mental state that they keep changing political parties, shouting insults at each other, threatening to break the law, whipping each other and even upsetting the wonderful pipsqueek speaker – John Berk Oh.

A parliamentary public holiday through October was booked for the whole lot of them with Thomas Cook.   Off they all went to the Costa Del Sol to join the rest of the criminals.    The very sad thing is that Thomas Cook went bust when they were over there and now they will have to stay there for a while.   Rather ironic, since most of them wanted to stay in Europe anyway 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

In the meantime the LLLP will stand in as a caretaker Government.     Their first new law, which is effective immediately, is to require all entrants to Britain to have an  entry visa, this includes any MP’s who happen to be on holiday.

Since there will be no “negotiation “ with Mr Barmy of the EU Commission, we will just have to automatically “crash out” on October 31st.  That will please Bodj who will no doubt apply for a visa to come back to Britain in triumph.    Sadly that won’t be possible because the second law the LLLP passed, which will be called the “No Surrender Law”, requires all politicians to be repatriated to a detention centre, -sorry Butlins holiday camp, on the Isle of Skye, where they can have an extended holiday until January 2020, or 2021, or even 2222.

Then the “Buckstop Clause” will kick in.

SEE TOMORROWS THRILLING EPISODE.

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Pangolin Angling

Pangolins live on a diet of ants,

which is generally quite boring.

So sometimes they try new things

and fish was recommended.

 

Down to the river bank,

rod in hand.

The pangolin meandered.

But fish don’t give up easily

and angling can be an effort.

Pangolins don’t like hard work.

So they often end up snoring.

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Pangolin Mandolin

That pesky Pangolin is in my waking-head again.

It’s not clear where he comes from,

Or why or when.

 

It must be because it’s raining,

That is obviously what brings Pangolins out.

So here he is again.

 

This time the Pangolin has got a mandolin.

A rather strange juxtaposition.

 

Now for the Pangolin rendition :-

 

”Ants for breakfast and ants for tea.

Ants for dinner and ants are free.

That’s the story of ants and me.”

 

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