Rubbish Bins

Posted on February 10, 2019 by

Once upon a time we all had one small rubbish bin which was emptied by the Council every week.   No fuss, no guidelines and no worries.   It just happened.

Now that’s all changed.    We are all environmentally friendly and expected to save the world from sinking under the weight of all out waste.     Who could possibly disagree with that ?

So now we have 5 bins !    One for food waste, otherwise known as the “pig bin”, although I doubt if the pigs get to eat any of our left overs.   Two for garden waste, because bonfires in the garden are not good for global warming, nor the nextdoor neighbour’s washing on the line.    Then there is the most virtuous bin, the recycling bin.     This is the one that Councils are most proud of.    So much so, that they display big signs saying what percentage  of waste they have recycled each week.    Finally there is the bin you are now almost ashamed to put out on the street, the general waste bin.    This is only collected every three weeks, though I don’t doubt that someone in the Council is already thinking about extending it to annual collections once the populous have been fully re-educated about the evils of waste.

There is just one niggle in my mind about all this effort we are putting in to sifting and sorting the rubbish in our lives.   What exactly are the Councils doing with all this rubbish?

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Freeezzing Rain!

Posted on February 3, 2019 by

Today we are going to get frreeeeezzinng rain.

Not the sort we’ve ever had before,

But, slipping and sliding rain.

That makes you do the splits,

Or even break your hips, or leg or arm.

That paints the pavements with invisible ice.

and weighs the tree branches down til they break,

and fall on your head.

 

“Its going to be dangerous out there,”

so says the weatherman’s scare.

Hospitals are on ‘Red Alert ‘.

Ambulances already revving up at the starting line.

Stockpiles of plaster casts, crutches and wheelchairs,

queueing in the expectant corridors.

 

No need to go out in this,

stay in and watch the tele.

Wait for the news of ambulance queues,

outside in the A & E car park,

Because the corridors are all blocked with medical clutter

And there’s no room for patients.

 

Years later there will be an enquiry report.

The weather forecast was wrong.

The rain didn’t freeezzee

and nobody sneeezzzed.

 

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“EUEXIT”

Posted on January 27, 2019 by

Our political system is completely BANJAXED by our squabbling political parties.   Following on from my last blog, the LLLP has decided it is best to go it alone and unilaterally declare independence from the European Union and also from what’s left of Once Great Britain.  (This is consistant with our original manifesto which was published May 2017.  You will find it if you click on May 2017 in the archive).

Our deadline for this taking effect is the 1st of April and there will be no payment of exit fees.   This almost certainly means we will be sued by the European Court of Unjustice, but with the help of a few elderly lawyers we can drag the case on till long after we are all gone 🙂

The Last Laugh Looney Island Republic headquarters will be based in the tax haven of the Channel Islands.   So there will be no tax to pay !   Just like Amazon, who incidentally will be our new supplier of everything, since the EU will no doubt immediately impose sanctions on the LLLIR.

There’s a brave new world out there for older people, who will be young again with their hard-earned wealth and freedom in the newly founded Last Laugh Looney Island Republic. Our resolution to do this was fortified by a recent report in The Times which carried the headline —- “One in five pensioners is a millionaire”.

The report was commenting on an Office of National Statistics analysis of average household wealth, based on figures from 2016.  I find it quite hard to believe that we have so many millionaires in our country and that the elderly are so well off.  Of course this is an average figures which means there are many people with multi-million pound houses, mainly in London and the South East of England.  The other problem is that the majority of most peoples’ wealth is locked up in their houses.  The good news is if they move to the LLLP Island Republic, they will be renting their new homes and be able to use all of their accumulated wealth to build themselves a new lifestyle.  The report estimates that the total wealth of people over 65 averaged £1.1m each.  The combined total is £4.7 TRILLION.

This should be enough for a few luxury meals out so that they no longer have to rely on meals-on-wheels.  No doubt many of them will also want to travel and the Island Republic will surely become “cruise central”.

At least for the elderly then, this endless talk of BREXIT will be a thing of the past.

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Internet Sensation !

Posted on January 21, 2019 by

For all my subscribers who receive my blog post by Email you may have seen that an advert has appeared on my last post claiming to sponsor it.    It is rather surprising because I have never heard of the product.

Still I expect the royalties will start rolling in any minute now 🙂

The advert is for beauty and fitness products, so I can perfectly well understand why they chose me to endorse their goods, rather than David Beckham.     I would not be at all surprised if they don’t ask me to star in the TV ads as well.

This could be the start of a whole new chapter in my later life.   It might go global, or viral.  In no time at all I could be world wide blogging billionaire with millions, no zillions of followers !

Free cars, free hotels, maybe my own TV show on the shopping channels.   I wonder if I should get an agent and a PR man and a personal stylist and a bodyguard or two.

Perhaps I am getting ahead of myself.    I haven’t received any commission just yet.

Oh and I would not recommend you buying any of the products, they might bring you out in SPOTS !

 

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European Last Laugh Goodbye

Posted on January 20, 2019 by

The Last Laugh Looney Party secret European project is finally reaching a conclusion.

Back in July 2017 I posted a blog about the LLLP and it’s “ISLAND” Project to gradually take over the islands around the British Isles, as a trade off with the European Union and the British Government for helping to solve Brexit.  You can see my earlier blogs by clicking on LLLP in the TAG CLOUD.

After some initial success at the start of the negotiations, the LLLP decided to take more of a back seat.  This was because it became obvious that there were already enough loonies in the cabinet.   After two years of lots of talking, but not a lot of listening, Mr Junket – the European Chief Non-Negotiator, Mrs Miserable Merkle – the German We’re All Right Jack Prime Minister, Mr Macarony – the French President of Haute Cuisine and Mrs MaybeMaybenot all fell for hook, line and sinker for the LLLP strategy for creating mayhem at every opportunity.   Especially the sinker bit.

Many MP’s have already started to jump ship, including all of the Democratic Unionist Party, who have agreed to allow Northern “ISLAND” to become part of the LLLP Island Republic, providing the LLLP digs a canal between them and Ireland.   Half of Scotland is also thinking that way too, so they have already started to rebuild Hadrians Wall and man it with raging Billy Connolly’s .   Wales already has Offas Dyke which they plan to flood with water from the River Severn.

Mrs MaybeMaybenot will still be in charge of the British Isle, which will only comprise England.   All the other parts of Britain, who voted to remain part of the European Union, will now become part of the LLLP Island Republic.

All this will happen by 30 March or at the latest, 1 April.

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Eating the Clutter Elephant

Posted on January 13, 2019 by
  • This is my first progress report on my 2019 decluttering plan.  The first thing to say is as of yet I haven’t decluttered anything but I need to start out with a strategy and a plan.  So here goes:-c

Strategy

  • We only need a maximum of one years supply of anything;
  • But, we don’t need a years supply of everything;
  • Nothing should remain in a box for more than one year;
  • That will give us lots of storage space and lots of boxes to throw away;
  • Then we will have more space in the home.

Plan

  • Empty wardrobe boxes of clothes not worn for a year;
  • Turn around winter / summer wardrobe, taking stuff off rails and into empty boxes;
  • Give away clothes not used in the last year to charity shop;
  • Throw last years’ paperwork away, one file at a time;
  • File in-tray paperwork into now emptied files;
  • Burn old bank paperwork and invoices.
  • Throw yesterdays papers away TODAY

 

FIRST PROGRESS REPORT.  “NOT MUCH PROGRESS”

1 am obviously better at talking about it than doing it.   Still I have a chance of catching up in the next few weeks

P. S.    I have got rid of all the Christmas wrapping paper and a heap of cardboard before it had time to become clutter.   That’s ‘preventative de-cluttering’ I suppose.

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DeClutter-A-Day

Posted on January 6, 2019 by

Happy New Year!

I obviously had a moment of de-cluttering breakdown with my last post “Learn to Love Clutter”.   It’s not a strategy that will ever work for me.

Seems  like almost a year has gone by since my heroic efforts at de-cluttering fizzled out.   I ran out of steam, but sadly I didn’t run out of clutter.   (See all my earlier efforts by clicking on “Clutter” in the Tag Cloud).

Now that the days have already closed in, I need a new project for the indoor winter months.    I won’t let this clutter mound beat me and I have yet another idea of how I might get on top of it.

How do you eat an elephant ?      Answer…….. One bite at a time !

So my project for 2019 is to De-Clutter one thing a day every day for a year.    Three hundred and sixty-five things less should make a hole in the clutter and one thing at a time shouldn’t be too difficult.

There again what do you do when you have close to 365 socks with no feet to walk in ….and 365 shirts hanging lifelessly on a wardrobe rail unworn for another year ……and 365 bits of important papers piling up in the office waiting to be filed …….and 365 ties untied, longing for a meeting or a day out ……and 365 plantless pots in the garden sheds ……  and 365 books read and unread  ……….and 365 photographs waiting for an album ……and 365 of so much more unused, days-over, dust gathering, nobody loves me former treasures?

I will write a progress blog report every week using my new Clutter Elephant logo.   That should keep me under pressure to continue de-cluttering.

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