GrumbleSmiles

That’s the first question every journalist asks Andy “Pants-on-fire” every time he wants to dish out a little vote wlnner :-

• Housing the homeless. Where’s the money ?
• Cheaper £2.00 bus fares. Where’s the money ?
• Lower business rates for pubs. Where’s the money ?
• A new number 10 office in Manchester. Where’s the money ?
• Free candy floss for all 16yearold labour voters. Where’s the money?
• Free dental floss for all reform voters. Where’s the money

“STOP GIVING ME THOSE NEGATIVE WAVES MORIARTY”

Just as Sargent Oddball often said in Kelly’s Heroes.

It can’t come from more borrowing. The barrow boys on the Bond market won’t like it.

Nor can it come from more taxes. The voters won’t like it.

Nor can we cut welfare benefits. The Labour left won’t vote for it.

Nor can we “drill baby drill” because Ed Millstone won’t like it.

We need a POT OF GOLD. Where’s the rainbow when you need it?

The answers obvious but nobody wants to be the first to mention it.

I will tell you in my next post.

Following on from my previous post we now have a few 16, 17 and 18 year old MP’s and will have their chance to be Prime Minister for One Day.

Here are some of the novel ideas they would like to be voted on :-

• Skool 4 One Day. Based on the fact that young people all have smart phones or tablets, there is no need to learn ‘times tables’ and they don’t learn rithmatic. It’s all done by Siri. Nor do they have to bother with spelling. The four days a week saved in teacher’s salary will more than cover their redundancy pay🤡
• Mental Elf. The older MP’s could clearly see that the new young MP’s quickly got bored with long all day debates. Indeed they generally had the attention span of a gnat. So one proposal was that speeches be limited to 140 words, with no interruptions, followed by a vote. It was also decided that they must have ADHD and each would be provided with a personal Mental Elf worker to keep them focussed and stop them playing video games on their phones. Although, most of the older MP’s seem to be on their phones when they are on the back benches.
• Spanish Lifetime Holidays. We need more houses for young people and lots of older people under occupy their homes. So pensioners will be offered a £100,000 Deportation Allowance if they agree to move to Spain. They will get free transport on redirected rubber dinghies. It won’t be compulsory, but scrapping the triple lock on pensions will be an added incentive. The resulting saving will more than pay for the Deportation Allowances.

Following on from the early success of our One Day Politicians ideas, it was decided that all MP’s should be able to bring forward good ideas.

Under the same rules as before :-

• The proposal must not cost anything.
• Better still it should save money.
• It must be approved by a majority of MP’s in one day.

MP’s whose ideas are accepted will be awarded a ⭐️ and a chocolate bar.

MP’s who propose more than three ideas that fail, must fall on their sword and resign.

This should eliminate the need for General Elections in future, as there will be a steady turnover of duff MP’s and only good cost saving ideas brought forward.

🤡FINALLY WE WILL GET THE POLITICIANS WE DESERVE🤡

P.S. Our current crop of politicians are not the only people with good ideas. Indeed they regularly demonstrate they are not very good at it at all. So the Last Laugh Looney Party will support 16 year olds being given the vote and standing for Parliament. Their mastery of the internet and social media is likely to enable them to come up with a new generation of solutions to today’s problems.

Any youngster who succeeds in being elected, will be eligible to be Prime Minister for One Day. So my next post will consider some of the proposals that might be brought forward.