GrumbleSmiles

Following on from my previous post we now have a few 16, 17 and 18 year old MP’s and will have their chance to be Prime Minister for One Day.

Here are some of the novel ideas they would like to be voted on :-

• Skool 4 One Day. Based on the fact that young people all have smart phones or tablets, there is no need to learn ‘times tables’ and they don’t learn rithmatic. It’s all done by Siri. Nor do they have to bother with spelling. The four days a week saved in teacher’s salary will more than cover their redundancy pay🤡
• Mental Elf. The older MP’s could clearly see that the new young MP’s quickly got bored with long all day debates. Indeed they generally had the attention span of a gnat. So one proposal was that speeches be limited to 140 words, with no interruptions, followed by a vote. It was also decided that they must have ADHD and each would be provided with a personal Mental Elf worker to keep them focussed and stop them playing video games on their phones. Although, most of the older MP’s seem to be on their phones when they are on the back benches.
• Spanish Lifetime Holidays. We need more houses for young people and lots of older people under occupy their homes. So pensioners will be offered a £100,000 Deportation Allowance if they agree to move to Spain. They will get free transport on redirected rubber dinghies. It won’t be compulsory, but scrapping the triple lock on pensions will be an added incentive. The resulting saving will more than pay for the Deportation Allowances.

Following on from the early success of our One Day Politicians ideas, it was decided that all MP’s should be able to bring forward good ideas.

Under the same rules as before :-

• The proposal must not cost anything.
• Better still it should save money.
• It must be approved by a majority of MP’s in one day.

MP’s whose ideas are accepted will be awarded a ⭐️ and a chocolate bar.

MP’s who propose more than three ideas that fail, must fall on their sword and resign.

This should eliminate the need for General Elections in future, as there will be a steady turnover of duff MP’s and only good cost saving ideas brought forward.

🤡FINALLY WE WILL GET THE POLITICIANS WE DESERVE🤡

P.S. Our current crop of politicians are not the only people with good ideas. Indeed they regularly demonstrate they are not very good at it at all. So the Last Laugh Looney Party will support 16 year olds being given the vote and standing for Parliament. Their mastery of the internet and social media is likely to enable them to come up with a new generation of solutions to today’s problems.

Any youngster who succeeds in being elected, will be eligible to be Prime Minister for One Day. So my next post will consider some of the proposals that might be brought forward.

Following on from my last post, there are another group of civil servants in need of radical reform.

🤡The Prison System🤡

The civil servants working there have been letting prisoners out accidentally and those they manage to keep in are let out early, only to reoffend quite quickly. So freezing their pay doesn’t seem so unreasonable.

Perhaps we need a new approach altogether. Let them all out and do away with prisons and prison officers. That’s pretty radical.

But we can’t be irresponsible. So:-

• Offenders will be fitted with heavy helmets.
• The helmets are heavy so that prisoners keep their heads bowed for the whole of their sentence, as an apology to society.
• They will be fitted with GPS trackers so that they can’t step out of their designated area. Which could be their house; or their mandated work area; or a remote island in the case of extreme offenders.
• Finally of course, the offenders will have to ‘face the music’. Before leaving court the sentencing judge will ask the offender to “what’s their favourite music?” and “what’s their least favourite music?”.
• Thereafter each morning at 6am they will wake up to their favourite music to get them in a good mood for the working day, played by their stereo helmet.
• Their work will consist of litter picking; cleaning graffiti off walls and filling in potholes. On the remote islands they may just be weeding or breaking rocks to build some sort of shelter. Their looking-down heavy helmets will be highly suitable for this work.
• Anytime they slow down or step out of their designated area their stereo helmet will play their least favourite music, which will get louder and louder if they persist, to remind them they are OFFENDERS.
• Some hardened criminals may feel they can take off their helmets, but that will trigger automatic electric shocks instead of music.
• In desperation, some offenders may think about resorting to violence, but cameras in the helmet will instantly raise an alarm and taser the prisoner.
• The happy music will wake them up again after 10 minutes, so they can carry on with their work.

🤡The sophisticated helmets will cost a lot less than the cost of the prison service and pay for the redundancy of the prison officers in the civil service🤡

Following on from my last post, some of the ideas proffered by the One Day Prime Ministers really found favour amongst their colleagues.

The easy proposal voted through with a record majority, was to Freeze civil servants pay. Who could possibly disagree with that ?

There were as expected, predictable consequences. An almost immediate ‘work to rule’. When that didn’t work the trade union leaders called for a ‘go slow’, but sadly, nobody noticed any difference. So finally they mandated an ‘all out strike’.

Over 500,000 civil servants didn’t turn up for work, although most of them ‘work from home’, so once again nobody noticed any difference. The good news was that the country was saving a fortune🤡

There were also some unforseen consequences :-

• The border force officers stopped working on passport controls, so foreign visitors could just walk into the country unchallenged.
• That instantly scuppered the boats crossing the Channel; something successive governments had been trying to do for years.
• We were also able to stop paying the £600 million bung to the French police for not stopping illegal immigration.
• 🤡QUITE A HAPPY OUTCOME🤡

There will be more consequences in the next post, which maybe even more radical.

Every politician aspires to be Prime Minister one day. So in this period of uncertainty, why not let them all have a go?

🤡PRIME MINISTER FOR ONE DAY🤡

There are 402 Labour MP’s, so in just over 13 months they could all have a shot at it. Then after this ‘trial’ we could appoint a winner from the one who had achieved the most in their day at the top.

Each one would have to pick an idea and get it through a vote in the House of Commons. The key rule would be that their proposal can’t cost anything. Saving money would be a big bonus.

It’s more than likely that many of the proposals would not get through and that little would be achieved in this trial year. So no real change at all.

But you never know. A genius hidden on the back benches may come up with a radical idea that no-one had been bold enough to suggest like :-

• Switching to Parliament working one day a week and the rest of the time MP’s Working From Home.
• Selling off all the Government’s chauffeur driven limousines, issue MP’s with bus passes since they are so keen on public transport.
• Strapping solar panels on the backs of all MP’s to give them more power.
• Moving the retirement age to 100, thereby saving on the state pension and the winter fuel allowance.
• Shortening school terms to only 4 weeks, so that our hard-working teachers can have more time off.
• Making junior doctors automatically into senior doctors and giving them £100,000 a year providing they treat some patients.
• Nationalising everything without compensation and locking up the previous owners / shareholders / profiteers.
• Privatise the NHS and sell off all the hospitals to pay down the National Debt.
• Sell all Government buildings now that all civil servants are Working from Home.
• Make a virtue of potholes. Drill baby drill all potholes down to I mile deep to see if we can find oil / gas / rare earth minerals. Funded with Pothole Bonds.
• Freeze all civil servants pay until 2030 and remove ‘London weighting allowances‘ for those working from home. This will probably cause them all to strike, which will save even more money. And we probably won’t notice any reduction in productivity.

🤡NOT A BAD START🤡