GrumbleSmiles

There’s no point in denying it climate change is on the way. The ever so right Ed Elasticband has told us so.

Now that all the pensioners have been sent into retirement in Spain, they will no longer need the Winter Fuel Allowance. That will save a few bob.

The whole country can bask in the sunshine and Britain can become a tourist destination to rival the Caribbean.

Welcome to the Costa Fortune.

It will be too hot to even work from home and AI will probably be doing all the work anyway.

Hiring out deck chairs and selling ice creams are the start-up businesses to get into. Who wants to work in a dirty old hot steel works when the temperature outside reaches 50 degrees.

Not so much drill baby drill as “chill baby chill”. Join a reggae band. “Camp out on the sand and set your soul free.”

🌴🌴IT’S TIME FOR BUCKETS AND SPADES IN THE SAND 🌴🌴

The ageing of the population is a major cause of Little Britain’s problems. Elderly people are a massive drain on health services and hoarders of their accumulated unearned wealth. They benefitted from all the freebies in their younger years. Free education, free health care, free from wars.

Now they want the young to look after them for free !

A BUNCH OF GRUMPY GRANDPA’S

Here’s the Looney solution:-

Send them all on holiday to Spain. A small boat emigration to the Costa Del Sol with no return ticket.

That would reduce NHS waiting lists overnight. It would solve the housing crisis by releasing thousands of houses on to the market. No need to continue the debate on assisted dying and no need to reform the House of Lards, the will have departed or be deported.

🤡I am sure Spain will welcome a few more ex-pats🤡

How does Little Britain become a Master of the Technology Universe? Here is the Looney answers.

Bring all our children up from day one with a tablet in their hands. Many parents are already doing this already.

Children will never need to go to school, because they won’t need to read and write or add up. Their tablet can do it all for them.

Neither will they need a job when they grow up. They can just become “influencers” and appear on reality TV. It is just a matter of time before they all become millionaires!

A far cry from seven year apprenticeships, low wages and hard graft.

Even better than a university degree, no job and a £50,000 plus loan around your neck.

🤡It is an altogether simpler world🤡

It has been a rollercoaster last few weeks. Or maybe year? Or even two or three years? Much has changed since the turn of the millennium.

But there wasn’t a big BOOM moment, the change was gradual and had many components.

Here are some of the issues and questions :-

TECHNOLOGY – first the internet and now AI – where is this taking us ?

AGEING POPULATION – increases demands on pensions and health care – is this sustainable?

IMMIGRATION – a source of cheap labour, but is it a cultural fit?

CLIMATE CHANGE – increasingly real, but can we afford to do anything about it?

NATIONALISM – started as devolution and backfired, Pandora’s box ?

GLOBALISM – a fluid network of trade and people, can there be boundaries anymore?

HEALTH CARE – great advances = greater demand, so is rationing the only answer?

INFLATION – forever devaluing the £ in your pocket, can we stop it?

EDUCATION – declining standards in the three R‘s, but woker ?

DEFENCE – we have enjoyed the peace dividend, are we about to reap the war dividend?

The looney answers to these questions may offer some solutions, so they will be in my next posts.

Sirkeyer has now at last got the hang of all this Island hopping. Or is Island shopping ? Either way, if President Tramp has got the money we have the islands for sale.

Selling off the last vestiges of the British Empire could be how we once again become a super power🤡

So it’s goodbye to Rock all: bye bye to the tax dodgers on the Isle of Man and the Channel Islands; farewell to the Silly Islands; borida to Anglesey; your welcome to the puffins on Lundy and whatever is holy on Holy Island and the sheep on Sheppy. Finally we will throw in the Dogger Bank, when it above water, that is.

All for the knock down price of £10 billion an island, plus a small 10% commission for our former US ambassador, Sir Peter Meddlesome.

Thanks to Sir Keyers excellent negotiating skills he seems to have rescued the United Kingdom from the big black hole of debt. at last, we can all now work from home or just live on benefits. Children need never go to skool, but just get Chat GPT to do their homework. And pensioners can be on NHS waiting lists for ever or just assist with their dying.

🤡THE ALL NEW BRITISH EMPIRE or is it “little Britain”?🤡

In a final gesture towards cementing the “special relationship” with KING PRESIDENT SUPREME EMPEROR HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS PIRATE ADMIRAL TRAMP, the ever-so-humble Sir Keyer has one more gift to give.

It is obvious that the Scottish National Party are still promoting their wish for independence for Scotland and sooner or later they will probably win. So before they succeed, Sir Keyer, with his Clint Eastwood Stetson hat on, is going to flog off the Scottish islands for “a few dollars more”.

The Inner Hebrides, the Outer Hebrides, the Orkney Islands and the Shetlands all to go. Who knows there is probably huge oil and gas still to be discovered and rare earth minerals. And gold lots of gold maybe. And haggis.

If each island is treated as a separate State of the expanded USA, KPSEHRHPA TRAMP can fulfil his ambition of the USA becoming 100 States.

Not only that, but each island will need a Governor and a Senator, with a very very substantial salary. When they join the Republican Party they can keep KING PRESIDENT SUPREME EMPEROR HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS PIRATE ADMIRAL TRAMP in power for many more beautiful years.

Just like Putin and that Chinese Guy whatsisname.

It is only a few weeks ago that the Last Laugh Loony Party came up with the idea of selling off some of the remnants of the British Empire. It has proved to be a brilliant move that has enabled the UK to pay off its national debt with the trillions of dollars President Tramp has paid for taking over these valuable assets.

We are laughing all the way to the bank, although we have had to give up a few holiday destinations.

So that makes us think about another U-turn. maybe we should keep the Chagos Islands after all. Then we can lease them to President Tramp or even sell them for another trillion or two.

Obviously the Mauritians won’t be too happy about our change of mind, so we should probably invade and take them over like Captain Cook did years ago.

Sir Keyer could go on regular overseas trips to Mauritus every Wednesday to avoid Prime Ministers Questions. He is quite keen on 4 day working weeks🤡 Maybe he could even have a free grace and favour home there and then he cold work from home and do Parliament on zoom.

It’s a hard life being Prime Minister.

If it were not for the Mutiny on the Bounty we might never have discovered this remote island in the South Pacific – PITCAIRN. But now it is a valuable asset for anyone who wants another State or two or three or four. It comprises 4 islands – named Pitcairn, Henderson, Ducie and Oeno although nobody seems to know where the names came from.

It’s an ideal location for any Emperor who wants to star in a remake of a Hollywood movie about pirates🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Or just have the naming rights to a lot of chocolate bars🤡

There is no airport, so it is a bit of a rough boat ride from anywhere, but a land- grabbing President will send a floatilla to brave the seas and capture new territory. Or should I say bring peace to the colonies.

There are only 35 islanders on Pitcairn, who are all descended from pirates. Now they are worried about Sir Keyers stance on persuing retrospective legislation and that they could be prosecuted for piracy, committed nearly 200 years ago. So they have decided to jump ship again and offer to become the USA’s 59th State.

Sir Keyer is prepared to do a deal at the knock down price of another trillion dollars and he will throw in the other uninhabited islands for free.

President Supreme Emperor His Royal Highness King Tramp is happy to accept, provided he can have the extra title of PIRATE ADMIRAL.

Oh, and the other islands can each be separate States. The President has decided to rename the new Island States after each of his children. So Pitcairn will be the 59th State and be renamed the BEAUTIFUL IVANKA STATE. HENDERSON ISLAND will take the title – the BARRON STATE and be the 60th. DUCIE ISLAND will be the DON JUNIOR 61st STATE and OENO ISLAND will assume the title – ERIC STATE – which makes it up to 62 states so far.

Now we are well on the way to PRESIDENT SUPREME EMPEROR HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS KING PIRATE ADMIRAL TRAMP becoming the leader of 100 States.

Now King President Supreme Emporor Tramp has got the hots for stamp collecting and Sir Keyer Stammer is his new best friend, there are opportunities for strengthening their special relationship.

Sir Keyer remembered on one of his many foreign trips he had touched down on a long forgotten British island – Anguilla. Probably discovered by the pirate Long John Silver. A land of potentially great riches. The clue is in the name🏴‍☠️

ANGUILLA is a very very beautiful island in the Caribbean Sea. It has some of the most beautiful underdeveloped beaches in the Caribbean, or probably the whole world. It just needs a very very talented real estate entrepreneur to build some six star hotels and perhaps a casino and a ballroom.

The population of around 50,000 could be bought off with say 10,000 dollars each and the UK would let the island go for the bargain price of a trillion dollars. Of course King Charlie Three would have to stand down as Head of State, but could be replaced by His Royal Highness King Tramp of Anguilla. It would obviously become the 58th State of the USA.

By the way it is also ideally located for invasions into Venezuela or even Cuba 🤡