No News.

Posted on November 8, 2026 by john graham

“NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS” is an old adage, that seems to be very apt at the moment. The same headlines are in the media every day and little changes. Most of it is doom and gloom, which creates an atmosphere of foreboding and apprehension.

  • UKRAINE – a never-ending war of unfulfilled promises, lives lost, homes destroyed. A First World War style conflict.
  • ISRAEL/ GAZA – a tragic start followed by three years of revenge. No resolution in sight.
  • IRAN – a much troubled state intent on causing trouble for everyone else around the world.
  • CHINA – quietly conquering the world economically, while polluting the atmosphere with unknown consequences.
  • USA – Trump being Trump; boldly, brashly, brazenly bullish. With no end plan, just the hope or horror of artificial intelligence.
  • RUSSIA – desperately trying to recapture a lost empire, for the ego of one man.
  • EUROPE – a union of disunited nations trying and failing to act as one.

HARD TO FIND A HAPPY ENDING.

This grumble must have a smile somewhere.

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Be Ready !

Posted on October 25, 2026 by john graham

It’s not long ago that the Government was telling us not to stockpile things, during the Covid lockdowns. So in the years since Covid, we have dutifully have run down our stock of 450 loo rolls and 75 cans of sardines. Thank goodness we don’t every night have to have sardines on toast for tea again; although the loo rolls did come in handy as a result.

Now Mr Andy “pants-on-fire” Burnum is worried about the threats from Russia and says we all need to “Be ready” and “ do our bit”. Forget about not stockpiling and start stocking up. We all need at least three days emergency supplies. What happens after that is anybody’s guess.

So here we go:- (I think a five year old civil servant came up with this list)

  • Water- lots of water, a minimum of 3 litres per person and some for Coco. It’s a shame the reservoirs are almost empty☹️
  • Canned food (but no sardines) and don’t forget a can opener.
  • Torch and batteries.
  • A Wind up Radio – obviously the BBC will still be broadcasting from the frontlines.
  • Plasters and Pills – there are bound to be a few casualties in the event of a nuclear attack.
  • Cash – different denominations – some roubles might be a good idea.

This is now a key part of our defensive strategy. I am sure Mr Putin will think twice before he attacks such a well prepared nation.

One more thing on my list :-

  • An Intercontinental Ballistic Missile – I am sure I can get one at Tescos.
Posted in SMILES | 3 Comments

Pass the Password.

Posted on October 21, 2026 by john graham

Everything is so secure these days. Or it is if it’s password protected. So we have passwords for everything.

But woe-betide you if you forget your password. Then your data may be lost forever.

Nobody will believe you are you, if you can’t remember your password.

There again you shouldn’t use the same password for everything, because that’s unsafe. So you need lots of different passwords, which is why it is easy to forget them.

As an added level of security is that it is also sensible to change your passwords from time to time. But of course that just adds to the difficulty of remembering them all.

I just stick to GRUMBLESMILES.

Oops!

Posted in SMILES | Tagged | 2 Comments

Half Glass Full.

Posted on October 18, 2026 by john graham

In these doomscrolling days of relentlessly dismal news, it’s too easy to forget the good things all around us.

  • We are all living LONGER, HEALTHIER LIVES. Over the last century there have been major advances in health care. So inspite of the long waiting lists and shortcomings in the NHS, our lives are much better than before it was set up.
  • The majority of people in the UK have a much HIGHER STANDARD OF LIVING than the generations before us. Home ownership, car provision, TV’s, white goods and many more things we now take for granted didn’t exist for our parents and grandparents.
  • UNIVERSALLY AVAILABLE EDUCATION opens the door to opportunities for many people. In a wider world where many millions of children do not have the same chances.
  • INSTANT INFORMATION at your fingertips you can search for just about anything on the internet in seconds. Years ago it could have taken years to garner the same depth of knowledge.

I AM SURE THAT OUR FOREFATHERS WOULD SEE MANY MORE GOOD THINGS WE HAVE NOW, THAT THEY COULD NOT POSSIBLY HAVE IMAGINED.

Posted in SMILES | 1 Comment

Computers Good or ill ?

Posted on October 14, 2026 by john graham

A strange question to ask? Surely they are just an inanimate object? Or they used to be. When they first came along they were only in the hands of a few specialists. Programmers who spoke in new foreign languages – ALGOL, COBOL, FORTRAN, BASIC and more. They were particularly good for adding up numbers quickly and for creating spreadsheets and organising lists in alphabetical order.

WHAT CAN POSSIBLY BE WRONG WITH THAT?

That was in years gone by. Now computers are everywhere. They are often not even called computers anymore. They can be tablets, or laptops, or phones, or pads, or chips, or cameras, …… or just about anything. You often don’t even know they are there. They are masters of disguise.

Of course they can be incredibly helpful in our daily life. Information on almost any subject is instantly at our fingertips, provided you ask the right question.

Ask the wrong question and you will still get an answer, but it may be gobbledegook or miss information or disinformation.

🤡COMPUTERS CAN TURN GROWN MEN INTO CHILDREN🤡

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LLLP Manifesto 2027.

Posted on October 11, 2026 by john graham

Just in case there is a sudden snap election next spring, the Last Laugh Looney Party decided to draw up its manifesto for the next five years. Of course it will be all fully costed and fair to simply everyone.

It will draw on the mistakes and lessons learned from the previous government’s :- excessive levels of of borrowing; high levels of debt; massive levels of immigration; high, high, high energy costs; inflation on inflation; waiting lists for everything; and too many over-paid civil servants all “working from home”.

Should be a doddle for the LLLP to solve that !
  • PLEDGE Number 1 – THANK YOU HOLIDAYS – all pensioners over 65 will be offered an all expenses paid, year long holiday in Spain or on a round the world cruise. In exchange for renting out their house/flat to the Government. There will be an opportunity to extend this indefinitely if they wish🤡
  • PLEDGE Number 2 – IMMIGRANT DETENTION – all 1.5 million immigrants legal and illegal awaiting their asylum claim being resolved, will temporarily be housed in Government run houses or flats. The accommodation will be supervised by 1 million civil servants released from regulating and taxing and retrained as “immigrant minders”. They let them in, so now they can look after them, while “working from someone else’s home”🤡
  • PLEDGE Number 3 – NEW DOUBLE UP LOCK UP- next we come to our overcrowded prisons. The LLLP will immediately double the capacity of our prisons by introducing new style “day and night shift prisons”. The current prison population will be let out during the day on a new early release scheme, so they can get plenty of exercise. This will free up their cells for an extra intake of shoplifters and phone stealers and joy riders and drug dealers to sleep during the day and exercise during the night🤡
  • PLEDGE Number 4 – ENERGY PAY BACK – the prisoners exercise programme will help them pay back their debt to society. It an old fashioned idea called a “treadmill”🤡 Generating energy from 90,000 unfit under-exercised prisoners. A sort of “ long walk to freedom”🤡

The LLLP predicts this will quickly deter more immigrants coming to Britain and dramatically reduce the level of crime🤡

🤡ALL AT NO EXTRA COST🤡

🤡ROLL ON TO NETT ZERO🤡

Posted in SMILES | Tagged | 2 Comments

LLLP Party Conference.

Posted on October 7, 2026 by john graham

Everyone else has been having their annual break from Westminster at their party jamboree where they make platitudinous speeches and endless false promises.

So not to be out done, the Last Laugh Looney Party decided to have one too.

Promises to keep :-

  • Not to take politicians promises too seriously..
  • Find a smile in all their bluster.
  • Believe the best in real people.
  • Acknowledge the wisdom of most older people.
  • Remember Westminster is a bubble.

Promises not to keep :-

  • Taking yourself too seriously.
Posted in SMILES | Tagged | 2 Comments

Home from Safari🤡

Posted on September 30, 2026 by john graham

Following on from my last blog, this is what happened when the village residents returned from their Rwanda safari.

The residents were all treated as celebrities for having “done their bit” for the Nation. They allowed the Government to save a fortune putting up migrants in hotels. A TV programme was now scheduled to be made about their exploits with 🦁lions and 🦏rhinos for which they would receive a multi-million pound fee, on top of the £20,800 rent they are due for letting their flat for a year.

Next they were signed up by a public relations promoter and residents started to appear in adverts on the TV selling holidays abroad … and cheap flights …. and energy drinks ….. and Reebok trainers. Several were asked to go into the jungle with Ant and Dec on “I’m a celebrity get me out of here”. One lucky couple were signed up for “Strictly come dancing”.

At last all the ExtraCare residents were to have their well deserved……15 minutes of fame😃

Posted in SMILES | 3 Comments

Village Residents on Safari.

Posted on September 27, 2026 by john graham

Following on from my last post more and more residents at the retirement village started to sign up for sponsored curtains. Once they realised that their new curtains, emblazoned with the “VISIT RWANDA” logo, entitled them to a sponsorship fee of £500 a year for the next 5 years, plus free curtains. That’s £2,500 tax free!

But the gravy train didn’t stop there. It wasn’t long before the new Prime Minister – Andy “pants on fire” Burnum offered the village residents an even better year long safari deal. Recognising the residents interest in Rwanda, he offered them a vacation in a luxury hotel in Rwanda.

In exchange the village residents would be “playing their part” in helping temporarily rehouse immigrants who were currently in very expensive hotels, by letting out their village flats. And to make it even more enticing, the residents would be paid rent of £100/ week per immigrant. Four in each flat = 4x100x52weeks =£20,800 for each resident when they return home.

Andy Burnum said this was a great example of elderly residents “doing their bit for the country”. Oh, and with all that extra income they may not need the triple lock on their pensions anymore😂

In fact, the idea caught on so well, that all the ExtraCare retirement villages decided to join in on this bold initiative. Now there were ten ExtraCare Retirement Villages all sending their residents on safari in Rwanda, in exchange for renting out their flats, for a total of £5.2million extra income to the village residents.

10villages x 250flats x 4migrants rehoused/flat = 10,000 hotels and flats in multiple occupation emptied. A political master stroke for Andy.

🤡A win/win all round🤡

We must not forget the ExtraCare staff, they will have the option of either being on paid furlough leave for a year. Or they can accompany their residents on safari, for which they will get extra training in 🦁lion taming and 🦏rhino distraction, plus a little bit of danger money.

Posted in RETIREMENT HOUSING, SMILES | 1 Comment

It’s Curtains 4 U.

Posted on September 23, 2026 by john graham

For some peculiar reason, I woke up this morning with curtains in my head. I had been dreaming about buying some for a lady in her new flat in a retirement village. Curtains can be an expensive item when you move house, because your old ones probably have to be left behind.

At least three pairs are required, all made to measure. Could be as much as £1,000 per flat. Quite a cost on top of all your other moving charges. Then I thought “ Why don’t we buy in bulk and negotiate a much better price?”

In a retirement village, all the flat windows are the same size. Say 3 pairs of curtains per flat x 250 flats. That’s 1500 curtains in total. A quarter of a million pounds being spent on curtains. Wow! Surely that worth a considerable discount from a curtain supplier. If there was a 50% discount, that would bring the cost down to £500 per flat 😀

But we could do even better than that, if we had branded curtains with the ExtraCare logo. Everyone would know whose village it was. That might reduce the cost by another 25%, say £250 per flat 😃😃

Better still we could learn from the football clubs and have sponsored curtains. If Arsenal and Aston Villa can have “Visit Rwanda” on their shirts, why not put it on your curtains? It would be a permanent advert on the outside walls of the retirement village. For just say £500 per flat🤡 … per year🤡…and FREE CURTAINS 🤡

Now that really is a good curtain call !

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