LLLP and Trump

Once again the Last Laugh Looney Party has been brought back to assist Prime Minister, Mrs Maynever.     This time it was at the world leaders summit ——- the World Economic Forum at the Swiss luxury resort of Davos.     Mrs Maynever thought she might need some creative LLLP ideas to put to President Trump to help secure a better trade deal with the USA.

The first step in LLLP negotiations was to get a copy of Mr Trump’s book ‘The Art of the Deal’.    Then tell him how he must be a very clever man to become President with no political experience, just a lot of money.    Oh and his writing style was excellent, when you consider all he had written before was a few tweets.     Finally we had a special gift to reflect our special                                                         relationship ——  a years supply of hair spray.

Mr Trump seemed very flattered by all this adulation.  So then we heaped on some more  to celebrate the fact that his mother came from this country, so he was practically a British citizen.      Mrs Maynever, wishing to ingratiate herself as his very best friend, offered him —— Scotland, —— which had always been a bit of a problem for her party.

In one fell swoop the LLLP had got rid of all those caber tossing, whiskey drinking, argumentative bravehearts —— and re-secured a majority in the House of Commons, now that the SNP members of parliament would be leaving to take up a place in Washington.

President Trump couldn’t believe his good luck.   He would make Scotland the golfing capital of the free world, because everyone knows he is a great golfer, probably the best golfing President there has ever been.

Without hesitation he offered Mrs Maynowandagain a brand new better, much much better trade agreement, than any one else had got in the past.     Britain would be able to buy lots more American fighter jets for its aircraft carriers that didn’t have any and also a heap of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.

In return the USA would pay all the back tax on tea owed to Britain since the Boston Tea Party in 1773.    In recognition of their help in the negotiations, the President offered Hawaii to the LLLP to add to their Island Republic.

On his way home, the President reflected on the excellent deal he had negotiated.    Hawaii was always bit too close to North Korea for his liking and they voted for the Democrats, so it was a good off-load before his second term election.     Scotland  could be the new 51st state, and would be an ideal location for some more nuclear missiles pointed at Russia or anyone else really.

Then he thought about all the extra golf courses the Trump Organisation could build.    He could implement his hew revolutionary golf concept.    No 18th hole, instead a brand new 50 storey luxury world class Trump hotel.   Never mind all those silly rules about over development in National Parks, this would be a new land of opportunity in America’s new 51st State.

Later, when the dust has settled, he might also drop the 13th hole, because who likes unlucky 13.   That would make room for a brand new world class Trump casino.     Everybody knows 16 hole golf courses are better than 18, because President Trump, who is probably the best golfing President in the world, says so.

Posted in SMILES | Tagged | 2 Comments

Blog Koan?

If a tweet equals 142.

How many characters does it take to make a conversation?

 

Posted in SMILES | Tagged | 6 Comments

Doggy Rush Hour.

Every Monday is a very special day for dogs in Kilsby.    You have to get your owner up nice and early, and get out and about before the bin men come.    This is the day when everyone puts out all their rubbish.   Lots of nice smells everywhere.    It’s like doggy Christmas Day.

The big bin is too high up to reach so you have to wait until the bin lorry has been, because there are always a few titbits left on the road when they are gone.   But before the Collection, the recycling boxes are best,  their lids are open and you can see right inside.   I don’t know why grown-ups throw these things away.   The papers are great for tearing up and making a mess everywhere.    The cardboard food boxes always have some tasty scraps left in them.

The blue recycling bin is a different kind of challenge, although now I have learned how to get bottle tops off, it’s much more fun.     It has empty bottles, many which smell strongly of alcohol, must be from a grown-up party that I wasn’t invited to.    Then there are the baked bean tins, which are definitely worth a lick or two.     And the yoghurt cartons.   And the soup packets.    But, never any biscuits.  Grrrrr!

Finally, the very bestest of smells come from the cooked food waste bin.    Sunday lunches only half eaten.     What a terrible thing to throw away perfectly good food when there are hungry dogs everywhere.

I don’t understand humans, they have some very wasteful habits.

Posted in SMILES | 1 Comment

Shrinking NHS GRAND PLAN.

Last week my post commented on the services that are being squeezed out of the NHS.    Now after a barrage of stories in the media over Christmas and into January about a ‘potential’ winter crisis a clear strategy is becoming clear.    Here are some of the emotive headlines:-

  • Doctors left in tears over ‘battlefield conditions’’
  • “Flue outbreak feared after jabs targeted wrong strain”
  • ”Take your elderly home to free beds”
  • ”Winter crisis cripples NHS”
  • “Doctor’s used as bouncers at A&E entrances”

Just in case there might be a flu epidemic or a mysterious norovirus outbreak, the newly formed Emergency Pressures Panel have cancelled all non-urgent operations and stationed specially trained bouncer doctors on the doors of A&E Departments to turn patients away.   The Health Secretary, Jeramy Hunt and the Prime Minister, Theresa Maynot, have both apologised to people who have had there operations cancelled.  They were almost in tears, but I expect they will get over it.

Of course if there is no flu outbreak in January at least the NHS will have saved a lot of money.   Or Maybe not ?     There again, if the ‘potential’ outbreak doesn’t happen until February or March,  they may have to postpone operations for a few more months.

Wishing to learn lessons from this, the Emergency Pressures Panel is now considering shutting down the NHS for the winter to everyone except emergencies.    Providing they can get passed the bouncers and can prove they don’t have norovirus.

In the long-term, the Emergency Pressures Panel is envisaging that this could create an opportunity to close some hospitals altogether.   This would relieve the pressures on the NHS staff, although sadly some of them may have to be made redundant.   The managers will be able to be redeployed to organise the closures and redundancies, before taking golden handshakes for the excellent work they have done.

Posted in N.H.S. | 1 Comment

Weather Koan

Another wet and wind-torn day,

the weather just won’t go away.

 

Setting the disturbed mood of awakening,

but the outlook will soon change.

 

A bright new dawn awaits.

Time to get the wind in your sails.

Posted in SMILES | Tagged | 1 Comment

The Shrinking NHS

It doesn’t feel like the NHS is getting smaller.      We are always being told by our politicians that there are more doctors and nurses than ever.    This doesn’t seem to fit with the stories always coming out of the health service about the unrelenting pressures on them.  Nor does it square with the endless queues in A&E or the over filled beds.    And the bill for the NHS goes up and up.

Strange then that in my recent blogs I have been writing about how pills are being struck off the list of things GP’s can proscribe.   Then there is hearing loss, or more accurately the withdrawal of hearing aids in the NHS.     Oh and eyesight is looked at, but you still have to get and pay for your own glasses.    I must not forget dentistry, although the NHS has done that years ago.

Ever lengthening waiting lists are a key tactic to continue this process and reduce demand.  How do you know you need an operation if you can’t get seen in the first place to get a diagnosis?   Closing the front door and leaving potential patients out side in the cold is certainly one way of pretending there is not a problem.

The NHS England grand strategic plan for all this is to employ more managers to explain why they are able to do less and less.

Posted in N.H.S. | 1 Comment

Pill Rationing

I seem to be addicted to writing about pills and it is obviously catching. Because as fast as I write about it more and more articles appear in the media on the same topic.  (You can read all my earlier posts by click on “Pills” in the Tag Cloud)

So the NHS is finally putting its foot down.    There will be less pills from now on,    At least on prescription.   You will be encouraged —- no —- told to go buy them yourself from the local chemist.

In future you will no longer be able to get pill for all ills from your GP. Take your itches and aches to the pharmacist first and they will certainly sell you something.   It is just a matter of time before they start doing over the counter or even on the counter heart transplants.

“I was sorry to hold up all the other customers for so long” said MILLY, “I only came in to get something to perk me up.  I didn’t expect to end up on the operating counter”

Posted in N.H.S., SMILES | Tagged | 2 Comments