LLLP – King Bodj

We are now in the fantasy land that surrounded Bodj in the period between him triumphantly securing a deal with the European Union, and then coming back to Earth with a bump when he got back to the UK Parliament.  We have temporarily ended up in a parallel universe where Bodj can imagine a whole new world for himself.

It didn’t take long running the European Super Power before Super President Bodj got bored.    He had already vanquished all the other European Presidents to be Country Caretakers looking after all the toilets and manhole covers in Europe.   What more could he do ?

Then one day he woke up with a thought.  Another great Bodj idea 🤡

What about becoming KING !   He had never been a king before.   It could be fun?  All that dressing up …. and uniforms ….  and medals …..and State Banquets …… and horse drawn carriages    ….. and parades  …. and palaces … and his very own flag.

Super President Bodj always believed in the monarchy, especially now he was to be KING.

Being a student of history Bodj decided to model himself on Henry VIII.   This was because he liked the idea of having several wives, although he didn’t plan to behead any of them, so he may have to become a Mormon.   This arrangement had the advantage of meaning he didn’t have to cover up his many affairs in future.

Once Bodj became King of All Europe, President Tramp thought it would be a good time for a State Visit, so that he could do a trade deal with Europe.   He brought with him his beautiful daughter Ivanka.    Ivanka quite liked the idea of becoming the first Queen of All Europe and readily accepted King Bodj’s proposal of marriage.  She hastily explained that it was “fake news” that she was already married.

The trade deal was struck.    Europe would import all the chlorinated chicken that the USA could produce and in exchange America proposed that Bodj and Ivanka become King and Queen of America and All Europe, which henceforth would be called “Bigger Bodjland”, because everything in America is bigger.

President Tramp was delighted with the best deal ever in the whole world and said that he would open Tramp golf courses in all the capital city parks and build Tramp Towers in the most prominent city locations.     Starting with one in London where the Houses of Parliament used to be, one in Rome where the old run-down Colosseum is sited and then one to replace the Eiffel Tower, which wasn’t required now they had one in Las Vegas.

THE FANTASY DOESN’T END THERE, THERE WILL BE MORE

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Smart Meter Threats

The roll out of the Smart Meter programme for electricty supply has been badly handled from the start.   It was always too ambitious and was launched with little explanation of what is was all about.    It was clearly of benefit to the electricity  companies, but there was no obvious benefit to the consumer, just vague hints that you could save yourself money by being more aware of your energy usage.     At a time when energy costs were rising this should have been a great selling point.    So why wasn’t it?

Everyone was talking about “switching” to save money with a new supplier, but the big energy companies didn’t want you to do that,   So they made Smart Meters that didn’t allow for switching.     The result was that people didn’t opt to have Smart Meters.    What a surprise!

So the Government’s flagship new initiative on energy conservation had to be extended to 2020.   Meanwhile the big energy companies began writing more threatening letters telling customers they had to have meters fitted because it was irresponsible to waste energy.

At the same time there were more and more adverts on the tele encouraging you to “switch” to save money.   But the Catch 22 was that with a new Smart Meter that is the one thing you can’t do !

So most people didn’t switch and the programme fell further behind.

In increasing desperation the Government tried another idea.    Tell everybody that Smart Meters are actually a Health & Safety initiative.    You/they will be able to monitor someone with dementia with a Smart Meter.    (See my blog on “Smart Meters” by clicking in the Archive for 17 March 2019)

That didn’t work either so the deadline for switching had to be extended yet again.   Less than half the UK households have switched  to date and the costs of switching have risen from £2.5 billion to £13.5 billion.    These costs will of course eventually fall on the consumer.     The extended, extended target for completion is now 2024 ….. or maybe forever.

Now the Government switches to threats,  firstly to the energy companies who will be fined if the programme slips behind.    Secondly, the irresponsible energy guzzleing public will have to pay higher prices if they don’t have a Smart Meter.

So it’s gone now from saving us money, to costing us money.

Perhaps we should all go back to generating our own electricity ?

SHOCKING NEWS.

 

 

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LLLP Brexit D-Day

We are now three days past the day which Bodj said was his “Die in a Ditch “ deadline day.   In fact, it didn’t turn out to be a Deadline Day.  The European Parliament generously decided to grant us yet another extension so that we can enjoy the pleasures of being in the European Union for even longer.

The Europeans evidently have short memories, so perhaps we have to remind them that almost 75 years ago on D-Day we had to begin the liberation of  their sovereign countries from German occupation !   Which is no more than we are trying to do for ourselves with Brexit.  Oh and of course we also had to do the same thing 100 years ago during the First World War !

The hard fact is the the Germans are good at what they do, Dominating people.  This time round, rather than using Tiger tanks and Doodle Bugs, they did it with the Deutsche Mark, which they cunningly renamed “the Euro”.    So their latest attempt to conquer Europe has been more subtle and so far more successful.   At least for the Germans.    The huge number of unemployed people in Spain, Italy and Greece might not agree.

The problem with the Europe they have created, is that it is not a level playing field.    Not everyone is as industrious as the Germans and therefore the wealth is not earned or consequently shared evenly.    Disharmony is built into the system and the Germans have harsh ways of dealing with Disorder.

Britain’s last big exit from Europe was at Dunkirk.   Our latest attempt at leaving seems almost as difficult.  This time the Europeans seem reluctant to let us go.

Rather than going to war again, we now seem to have become a nation of Demonstrators.   There are daily Demonstrations outside Parliament of both leavers and remainers.  Whilst inside Parliament, there are endless Defeats on almost every proposition to leave.

The Last Laugh Looney Party has an alternative idea to solve the problem.   We will send an army of volunteers over to Europe to put towels on all the Deck Chairs everywhere throughout Europe.   This will really show that we mean business and should  make the Germans so fed up with us, that they will eventually let us leave 🙂

 

 

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LLLP People’s Votes

While all our politicians have been away on holiday in sunny Spain, the Last Laugh Looney Party “Daft Ideas” have gone down a storm through October.  You can clearly see the influence of the younger voters, which is magnified by their superior ability to use mobile phones 😀 for voting in referendums.

The free ice cream policy has been a great success and the Happy Hat Days have lifted the country’s mood.   People are smiling at each other again.    The next fun referendum questions are :-

  • Should all Premier League footballers be paid the National Minimum Wage, including Gary Linaker ?
  • Should the school/life balance be more fairer for children, say starting at 10 am and coming home at 2pm with two hours for lunch and one hour for playtime.    And summer holidays should be longer, say starting in April and going through until bonfire night ?    With all of December off for Christmas and a start back in the New Year say on the 31st January.     That would be fairer for children !
  • If adults are paid to play football,  why shouldn’t children be paid to go to school ?
  • And shouldn’t they be paid an extra transfer fee when they move to secondary school ?

Come to that, why shouldn’t parents go to school instead of children, after all , they are the ones who can’t use computers and mobile phones and Facebook and Twitter and instagram and all sorts of gadgets that they keep asking us about?

WE NEED MORE CHILDREN IN THE LAST LAUGH LOONEY PARTY.   OUR MP’S ARE ACTING LIKE CHILDREN, SO WHY NOT HAVE REAL CHILDREN IN PARLIAMENT 🤡

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LLLP SPECTATORSHIP

With the help of the LAST  LAUGH LOONEY PARTY and their superior crazy negotiating tactics, Bodj has now got a deal with the European Union.   After only three years of discussion it looks exactly like the old deal, in fact is is the old deal and we are still tied into Europe.

Still all is not lost, Bodj came back to the UK in triumph and after a promised General Election he steamrollered the Brexit party, Ukip, the Green, the Lib Dem remainers, the SNP, the DUP, half of the Conservative party and Uncle Tom Cobbly.   The Labour Party remained in opposition, mainly to each other.   Jeremy Corbit was vanquished to his new role as Public Toilet Caretaker and keeper of manholes.

But that wasn’t the end of this storey, the EU Commissars were so impressed with Bodj’s negotiating skills, that they unanimously selected him as the new Life-time Supremo President of the European Super State.    Bodj modestly accepted this new position and stated that his reign would not be a dictatorship, but because he had all the good ideas, it would be more of a spectatorship.    His people just needed to look and admire.   He would lead like Churchill only better.

President Bodj was so confident of his own ability that he resolved to do away with all the other country presidents in the EU and make them all countryCaretakers just like Mr Corbit.   His first goal is to make sure that the European Super State, hence forth known as “Bodjland”, will have the cleanest toilets in the whole world.

President Bodj has invited his new best friend President Tramp to come on a state visit to Bodjland  and see some of the very clean toilets.   Together they will celebrate tarif-free Freedom of Movement throughout Bodjland.

THERE WILL BE MORE🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

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LLLP BREXIT ALL-IN

This post follows on from my last blog and is the second option in the Last Laugh Looney Party once and for all, never to be repeated, Grand Decider European In-Out Referendum.   This is a complete reversal of the last three years of political bickering and envisages Britain fully committed to being in the European Super State.

The All-In Option.

  • For a start we would switch to the Euro, at the exchange rate of ten Euros to the pound.   This is the price Mr Barmy and Mr Tusk are offering to get Britain on board the European gravy train.   This should encourage even the most fervent “ leavers” to vote “ YES”.
  • From January 2020 Bodj will become the new European Super President and henceforth the 1st January will be called “Bodj Day”
  • Next, from 1st January 2222 we will all start driving on the wrong side of the road.   Of course The European Commisars will have to introduce a car scrappage scheme and give every UK car owner a brand new top of the range BMW or Mercedes 🤡
  • With his new super powers, President Bodj will introduce new laws to require all Europeans to speak English at all times.
  • President Bodj will issue European arrest warrants to any football or Rugby teams that beat any British team in future.
  • Sadly Mr Corbit won’t be able to be the UK  Caretaker Prime Minister, but Bodj generously agreed to make him the UK Chief Caretaker with the job of keeping all the public toilets spotlessly clean and the manholes polished, which he is so keen on.

THERE WILL BE MORE FUN FROM PRESIDENT BODJ IN THE WEEKS TO COME!

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LLLP BREXIT ALL-OUT

Are we in or are we out ??????        Of Europe that is.

The deal that is being cobbled together by Bodj and his new friends in Europe – Mr Barmy and Mr Tusk seems to be a half-in, half-out hokey-cokey, shake it all about solution.   We seem to be paying a lot of money (£39 billion) for very little change.

So before things are finalised, the Last Laugh Looney Party has two other options to consider :-

The All-Out Option

  • Just say Bye-Bye, Auf Wiedersehen, Adieu, Adios, Ciao and 22 more goodbyes.
  • Buy no more foreign cars from Europe.  We will just have to drive around in Rolls Royce’s or Jaguars.
  • Buy no more French, German, Italian or Spanish wine.   With climate change, we will soon be able to have vineyards all over the UK, except for Scotland, where they can drink Irn Bru instead.
  • Buy no more foreign food.   We survived through the war and were healthier.   We can “Dig for Brexit” and all grow our own veg.   Then have cottage pies, steak and kidney pies, non-chlorinated chicken pies and chips, lots of chips.   Oh and baked beans.    But no sprouts, we will send them all to Brussels.
  • Buy no more continental holidays, especially now we don’t have Thomas Cook anymore.  We can revive Butlins and Pontins holiday camps.   Won’t that be fun😀
  • Bye bye to all the politicians who wanted to stay in Europe, they can go and live on the Costa Del Sol, if the Spanish will have them.  Or maybe they will have to go to a refugee camp in Calais until they can be resettled in Turkey or Rumania, or one of the other 26 states that they like so much.

     THE “ ALL-IN OPTION”  WILL FOLLOW IN MY NEXT BLOG

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