GrumbleSmiles

This is the last of theLLLP visionary pledges. The key one that shows how it all can be painlessly paid for. Well painlessly for all but the very very rich – the 166 billionaires on the Times Rich List.

Tax needs to be simple, so everyone can understand it at a glance. No need for accountants promoting their skills at avoiding tax. No need for highly paid tax lawyers hawking around their dubious tax evasion schemes. No need for off-shore tax havens. No need for thousands of civil servants at the Department of Tax Everything, or what ever it is called.

So here are the new tax rules from day 1 of the new LLLP parliament.

• The basic rate of tax will be NO TAX, for anyone earning less than £100,000 a year 🤡
• For earnings of between £100,000 and £200,000 the tax will be 10%
• Tax will increase by a further 10% on each £100,000 thereafter. So by the time you are earning £900,000 you will be paying 90% tax on your highest £100,000.
• Here’s the kicker —— when you become a billionaire earner you will be paying 100%tax on any higher earnings.

Now people will say that all the billionaires will leave Britain. And they can move to Monaco or the Virgin Islands or anywhere that will have them in their newly impoverished state 🤡 They will be impoverished because the LLLP Tax Rules don’t allow you to take your money abroad; or your super yachts; or your private gas-guzzling jets; or your fleet of luxury cars.

Billionaires will be welcome to stay in Britain and spend their wealth here. Of course if they do leave, they won’t be able to take their many luxury houses with them. Rather than being left to rot the houses can be donated tax-free to the LOONEY HOMES TRUST who will convert them into retirement flats🤡

No doubt many lawyers and tax accountants will also wish to go abroad as there is no need for their expensive advice now that the LLLP has simplified the tax system. I doubt we will miss them!

My last post showed how the new Looney Education policy would move children out of the classroom. This leaves the vast school estate available for repurposing. Marcus Rashford gave the Country a great idea during Covid.

Now the Looney Party intends to expand the approach by offering free school meals to all children and old people by using the school kitchens and the empty classrooms. Food banks will continue to supply all the homeless. Supermarkets will be required to donate 10% of their food produce to the project.

The remaining school accommodation will be used as a play area, so that children and grannies and grandpas can look after each other all day. Markus Rashford and his other highly paid footballing pals ⚽️⚽️⚽️⚽️ will provide exercise and games classes. All the Ronald McDonalds🤡🤡🤡🤡 will offer fun and entertainment now that the fast food outlets have been closed on health grounds.

Schools will become LOONEY FUN AND SOCIALISING COMMUNITY HUBS. All aimed at getting people out and about after the isolating years of Covid and austerity.

Tony Blair when he was Prime Minister said his top priority was education, education, education. Then he all but abolished grammar schools. The Conservative/ Liberal Democrat government that followed then proceeded to introduce University fees and burden young people with a debt ridden start to adult life. Now we have a new generation of woke teachers, who have forgotten about teaching reading, writing and arithmetic.

The Looney Education policy is radically different and takes politicians out of the picture. All children at the age of three will be given a free tablet and then encouraged to navigate their own educational path through life. Lord knows where they will end up, but it couldn’t be any more haphazard than the current system.

Mentors will spring up everywhere, many of them former school teachers or university staff. They will be able to charge for their support, but they will have to prove their worth to their students. They will of course be able to work from home, just like so many other public sector workers, but of course they won’t have a furlough scheme to pay them.

Meanwhile schools will be repurposed —- more in the next post.

Universities will be much smaller and just be hubs for learning. The days of lecturers on cushy salaries and Vice Principals earning more than the Prime Minister are over.

Tablets will give access to education for everyone everywhere.

University grants will be abolished and the £millions returned to the taxpayers. Students can pay their own way if they wish. I doubt there will be many who want to pay £30,000 for a Micky mouse degree.

The Department of Education annual budget exceeds £100 billion and after paying for the free tablets and free school meals, most of the billions can be used to pay off the student loans. This will encourage lots of young people to vote for the LAST LAUGH LOONEY PARTY 🤡🤡🤡🤡

Every recent Government has promised to build around 300,000 new homes a year. None has got anywhere near this target. Meanwhile the UK population is growing by over1.5 million people a year, mainly because of immigration. The result is higher and higher house prices, but there is also a shortage of rented accommodation.

Mr Stammer is promising, if he is elected, to build 1.5 million homes in the next five years. He needs a daft idea and the Last Laugh Looney Party can help.

Looney Housing Carousels take up far less land and probably can be modified to provide free power to the home owners. They will however have to work from home most of the time, because they will only touch ground a few times a day🤡

Looney Bungalows can be mass produced in the hundreds of disused car factories. They will then be dropped carefully onto brownfield sites and unused railway lines and unused airport runways. This just one of the benefits of the travel restrictions required to meet our much reduced carbon footprint🤡

The LAST LAUGH LOONEY PARTY thinks this will solve all our housing problems.

To make everyone feel safer the first LOONEY SECURITY idea was to give everyone a personal robot policeman. This would put an extra 65,000,000 police men/ women on the beat. Unfortunately this would be a bit expensive and didn’t meet the LLLP requirement to be fully costed and fully funded. So the idea was quickly dropped.

The next big LOONEY SECURITY idea was to have cameras everywhere. On every tree, lamppost, road sign and telegraph pole. There would also have to be a swarm of drone cameras crisscrossing the sky to ensure there were no blind spots. The cameras would be equipped with automatic face recognition and linked to the police national data base so they would know where you are at all times.

Sadly not all the camera images worked very well, particularly at night, when most burglars are out and about.

The cameras were also going to be strapped to every cat, dog and pidgin, but the RSPCA objected on the grounds that it would infringe their animal rights. So LOONEY PET POLICE never took off, which was a great disappointment to Coco who was raring to go.