From my last post, it is clear that we have a great many problems which are not being solved and never will be unless we take radical action. So to start with we need to put the country* on a wartime footing, where all rules about employment law and planning conditions will be temporarily suspended for a year or two or three or more.

* When I say the country, I just mean Scotland, because it is pretty lawless already.

We will start with immigration and climate change. They should be no problem for a great leader with creative ideas and a burning ambition to show the world how things should be done. Bring back Bodj and make him the new ALL POWERFUL KING OF SCOTLAND.

At a stroke KING McBODJ will stop the trade in illegal immigration across the Channel. In a echo of the Dunkirk spirit, all those waiting on the beaches will be picked up in France and given free passage to Glasgow in the newly commandeered and re-commissioned Royal Yacht McBODJ Britannia. The yacht will make weekly trips to Calais and recruit 1,000 tree-planters at a time. The reason for only 1,000 a week, is because that is the rate that King M cBODJ’s newly appointed Governor General – Stickler Sturgeon – can build caravan parks all over Scotland. Luckily Stickler found £660,000 from somewhere to pay for them all and she already knew something about caravans.

So KING McBODJ’s first great idea to get us to Net Zero is to plant trees all over Scotland; in the highlands and lowlands and islands and mountains. Douglas Fir and Scots Pine will be the trees of choice, but there will also be Boris Birches and Stickler Spruce. For this he will need a huge labour force, which is his second great idea, which he remembered from his excellent knowledge of Roman history. The Romans never managed to conquer Scotland, but KING McBODJ will show how if he were a Roman Emperor it could be done. So the tree-planter labour force will be all the immigrants who want to come to the UK.

Now we are well on the way to solving two of our and the worlds biggest problems. Happily, we have also harnessed two of our most problematic politicians. If only all the other countries around the world could have leaders like this. But KingMcBODJ is working on this with a unique succession plan, which we will come back to.

But, that’s not the end of this saga …….. See next weeks thrilling episode 🤡