Skier needs to unite his party. That’s quite a challenge when half his MP’s are on the left and half are on the right …. And the other half are in the middle. He did think about promoting one half to the House of Lards, but there is no room. And they are not too keen after he promised to abolish the Lards.

So his new great idea is to make them all Ministers, then they will not only have to follow him but also repeat his every word repeatedly on TV, on radio, on Twitter and in Parliament. Of course they will all get a big pay rise and a chauffeur-driven car.

Skier is going to start with potholes. Because there are a lot to fill in, there will be a Secretary of State for Potholes. Supported by a host of very important Ministers :-

• Minister for A roads & B roads and high roads and low roads.
• Minister for Motorways of the three and four lane variety.
• Minister for White Lines – single and double.
• Cones Minister not the ice cream varieties.
• Road signs Minister – you can never get enough of these.
• Grass verges Minister – all to be planted with wild flowers.
• Minister for Manholes – reserved for Jeremy Corbett.

This excellent team of Ministers will be expected to transform the road network and make it very very green. Their first move will be to impose a nationwide 20 miles per hour speed limit. This will be assisted by putting cones everywhere for no obvious reason. Then there will be lots of temporary month- long road closures anywhere there is a pothole.

This has all been fully costed and will be paid for by new road taxes. All vehicles will have to pay £1 per mile, except for Tesla’s and Ministerial cars, which will be free. Next year the tax will rise to £2 per mile and then an extra £1 every year after — until everyone buys a Tesla or becomes a Government Minister.

THERE WILL BE MORE MINISTERS APPOINTED IN MY NEXT POST🤡