GrumbleSmiles

LLLP 🤡 Smiling Defence

Posted on March 5, 2025 by john graham

This is the second step in the Last Laugh Looney Party Smile Plan. President Trumper is pressing every European Government to spend more on defence. He probably means a fence between Russia and Ukraine.

Sir Keyer has flown across to the USA to explain his typically British, unique plan to kill three birds with one stone. Sir Keyer may not have mentioned that ‘he was once Director of Public Prosecutions’, which is why our prisons are now full up. His bold smiling idea is compulsory conscription for all prisoners. They will then be deployed to Ukraines border with Russia as a peacekeeping force.

To show they mean no harm they will be armed with broomsticks on which they can march up and down with placards. Messages will include:- “Up with Ukraine”; “Up Russia”; “Don’t shoot we are British”.

At a stroke the brilliantine Sir Keyer has upped the Defence budget🤡emptied the prisons 🤡 AND

The prisons can now be repurposed as 5 star hotels to house all the illegal immigrants. Unless they would prefer to be conscripted🤡

Posted in SMILES | Tagged "LLLP" | 1 Comment

LLLP 🤡 Reverse Tax

Posted on March 2, 2025 by john graham

Following on from the last post, the first big step in the LLLP SMILE PLAN is to change the way we think about tax.

What if we turned taxation on its head? Gave money to people instead of taking it off them. That would certainly make people happier and Governments would be much more popular.

So the LAST LAUGH LOONEY PARTY will ask HIS EXCELLENCY BODJ to announce that he can magically pull the rabbit out of the hat and conjure up an extra £100 a week for all pensioners🤡

There are 13 million pensioners in the UK. So HIS EXCELLENCY BODJ has calculated on his fingers, that’s 13,000,000 times 52 times 100. Which is a lot! In fact it’s £67,600,000,000 !!!!

That’s £67 billion🤡

It will be given out in BODJ POUNDS which can only be spent in Britain. The LLLP expects this to result in a BODJ BOOM in the UK economy, which Rachel Rivet and Sir Keyer have singularly failed to do. To ensure they are spent the new notes will self-district if not spent within a year.

No doubt this will give a big boost to the pub trade and to hobby craft shops. Anti-aging creams, designer spectacles and hearing aids will certainly fly off the shelves.🤡. Hairdressers will be inundated with new old customers 🤡 Golf courses will be busier than ever 🤡 Mobility scooters and stair lifts will take off🤡

The private sector will not want to miss out on this new found wealth and will develop new services specifically for older people McDonalds will offer knee and hip replacements while you wait for your Happy Meal🤡 The AA and the RAC will provide emergency call out to falls or just a £10chat🤡. Banks may even start using cash again🤡

So how’s this bonanza going to be paid for? The magic money tree is the entirely unearned wealth tied up in the mortgage free homes of older people. Uselessly locked away with only a death key to open it. The BODJ POUNDS will be redeemed with an interest free charge to be paid to the Government when the property is finally sold.

THERE’S A FEW SMILES TO BE GOING ON WITH🤡🤡🤡🤡

Posted in SMILES | Tagged "LLLP", BODJ | 1 Comment

LLLP Smile Plan

Posted on February 26, 2025 by john graham

We have got to bring the smiles back to peoples faces. The current political parties have been taking us in the wrong direction for decades. The joy has gone out of politics and our politicians are bereft of any bold ideas. It’s time for something new.

The Last Laugh Looney has a SMILE PLAN to lift everybody’s spirits.

It may not all work, but it’s worth a try and will include AI. As well as a job for BORIS, who will be the chief cheerleader.

Some of the ideas may appear daft at first, but the key question is “Do they bring a SMILE to your face?”.

The Bodj eccentric electric three wheeler.

In pursuit of the elusive Nett Zero all cars in London will have to be Bodj cars. NO EXCEPTIONS.

In exchange for granting Bodj the title of “His Excellency”, King Charles will be allowed to use a horse and cart/carriage, as long as he cleans up any droppings left on the road behind him.

Any other city wishing to follow London’s example by using congestion charges and twenty mile/hour speed limits will also have to adopt His Excellency’s Bodj cars.

No doubt that will go a very long way to slowing down the rate of global warming🤡

Posted in SMILES | Tagged "LLLP", BODJ | 3 Comments

Blood tests

Posted on February 16, 2025 by john graham

Blood tests are the lifeblood of the NHS 😈300,000 are done every day 😈 50 million are ordered by GP’s annually😈that’s 14 per person each year.

Speedy booking is the latest NHS system for arranging a test. Except it is anything but speedy😈 You go on-line and first you have to prove who you are by registering and giving them your NHS number, but don’t take too long or you will be timed out. Next you will be shown a calendar of available appointments, but you will probably find they are fully booked for the next few weeks. If you can find a slot you have to be quick or you will find someone has booked before you.

Bar codes

10 minute wait

Free coffee

60 car park

50 mile round trip

1 Comment

Blogging Clouds.

Posted on February 16, 2025 by john graham

The blogging clouds have been casting a shadow over the last few years, although maybe they have been in the making for much longer.

COVID seemingly came out of nowhere, or at least, that’s what the Chinese government and others would have you believe.

UKRAINE was a war waiting to happen, although the early signs were sown in the Crimea several years before.

GAZA has been a simmering cauldron about to boil over for a very long time.

CLIMATE CHANGE is the ungraspable issue, which is greeted with head in the sand responses.

These are global issues which are far from resolution. Our politicians appear like rabbits in their headlights. The only strong response is to pretend it isn’t happening.

The LAST LAUGH LOONEY PARTY was trying to get elected in the UK, but was beaten by Bodj for a short while and then by Lizzie Distrust, followed by Riski, and now by hapless Sir St-St-Stammer. They have all done quite a good job of introducing daft ideas, but unfortunately none of them seem to have worked.

People are still ‘working from home’ long after Covid has passed.

The wars are rumbling on in Ukraine and Gaza with many, many lives lost and destroyed cities, towns and villages.

While fires rage and floods abound, we are still debating climate change.

The accidentally good news is that the LLLP has got itself elected in the USA !

SO NEXT WE WILL SEE IF TRUMPING DON’s even dafter ideas can change the world.

Tagged "LLLP" | 2 Comments

Blogging.

Posted on February 12, 2025 by john graham

Blogging gets harder by the blog. Grumbles are plentiful, but smiles are more difficult to find. They are more rewarding though!

I have been blogging since 2010. Over 14 years of Grumbles and Smiles. From the outset the threads were about older people, even more so now I have grown into the subject😀

Health and housing have been two of the dominant themes of many of my posts; not surprisingly, because it’s the field in which I spent most of my career. The rapidly changing world around us and how it impacts on older people has also been a backdrop to many of my blogs.

It is perhaps for this reason that politics and politicians have increasingly featured in many blogs more recently.

The Last Laugh Looney Party has been a regular contributor. They represent any and all parties, as our politicians twist and turn in their endeavours to remain in power, or regain power.

SO WHERE ARE WE TODAY? What is the LLLP contending with and how will they go about addressing the issues?

THE NEXT BLOGS WILL TRY TO SHED SOME SMILES INTO THE GRUMBLES.

Tagged "LLLP" | 1 Comment

Avago Init – De-Regulation.

Posted on February 9, 2025 by john graham

Regulation should be about the setting of standards and protection of the public interest. A completely unregulated world would be like the Wild West. Exciting, but dangerous!

On the other hand, over-regulation can stifle innovation and creativity. It also slows down change.

Regulation is also a watchword for lawyers. A feeding ground for disputes and delays.

So Sir Keyer’s new government, in his relentless slow dash for GROWTH, has vowed to clear away as many regulations as possible. And he has nominated the All-Star, bulldozer-busting Deputy Prime Minister- Angie Raindeer to Avago.

Chancellor Rachel Rivet has already tried to steal a march on her political rival, by asking all the Regulators to come up with some proposals for less regulation. But turkeys don’t vote for Christmas, so that didn’t work

So where will Angie start? She has already shown in the two previous blogs on Planning and Housing that she can get things done with radical ideas and the use of AI. So she will press on with that. Whatever that means?

There are 116 Regulatory Bodies in the UK, which between them cost the taxpayers £5 billion a year to run.

Ofsted. £130million budget 1275employees

OFGEM £89 million budget 1187 employees

OFWAT. £19 million budget 226 employees

Tagged AVAGO | 1 Comment

Avago Greenland solution

Posted on January 30, 2025 by john graham

The Deputy Prime Minister, Angie Raindeer is one of the few success stories in our Labour government with her innovative application of AI to solving some of the country’s biggest problems.

So Sir Keyer has asked Angie to Avago at Immigration. “Avago“ is the latest buzzword for Angies down to earth, practical approach to the government’s 5 strategic Missions.

After her recent freebie visit to New York, Angie has taken a keen interest in American politics and Trump mania in particular. So her first thought on immigration was to build a wall, but then she remembered Humpty Dumpty and his great fall. So she dropped that idea.

Next she pinched another of The Donald’s ideas (the President not the Duck) what about Greenland? How about making a pre-emptive bid for the UK to take over Greenland.

Angie knows a lot about Eskimos from reading about them in her childhood. You know — Nanuk of the North and Eskimo Nell all having fun in the snow. And her Raindeer surname is bound to ring a bell.

There are only 57,000 people in the whole Greenland population, so Angie figured if she went across and did a bit of dancing with them and offered them free Captain Birds Eye fish fingers and free Devon ice cream for life, they would be sure to vote to join the UK rather being taken over by the USA.

So there it is, Angie Raindeer becomes the new UK High Comissioner to Greenland.

At a stroke Angie has solved the immigration problem, because all immigrants will be sent there while their immigration applications will henceforth be ever so slowly be determined in Greenland in the very, very cold climate and with very, very long nights in tents. That may deter a few people from coming to the UK and the lawyers who represent them.

The new UK colony gave Angie another good idea. In future all Public Enquiries can be held in Greenland, because it will significantly speed them up if the lawyers don’t want to catch cold 🤡🥶

Tagged smiles | 3 Comments

Avago Init – Speedy Housing.

Posted on January 26, 2025 by john graham

Deputy Prime Minister Angie Raindeer is flush with the success of her new planning reforms; which with AI automatic approval you can build anywhere.

So next she has to turn her attention to how she can build 1.5 million homes in the next five years. Especially given that her newly introduced employment laws mean that all the construction workers are working from home. Once again Angie’s innovative answer is AI.

Angie thought why not order all the bits required to build a house from Amazon. And with her Deputy PM Prime card she can get next day delivery. SIMPLE, why did the Tories not think of that?

Then on day two Angie needs a Bob the Builder robot to assemble all the bits. And Bobs your uncle——- there’s your house. Just another 1,499,999 to go!

What about the utilities, I hear you say. No worries Angies thought of that. The utility companies are hopelessly slow, so she intends to do without them by going off grid. Water will be delivered daily by Deliveroo and waste will go into composting toilets. All electricity will be provided by solar panels, except when it won’t. Which means you may have to hibernate in the winter until global warming heats up in 2050.

ONCE MORE ANGIE RAINDEER HAS PROVED WHAT YOU CAN ACHIEVE BY AVING A GO WITH AI.

Tagged AVAGO, smiles | 3 Comments

Avago Innit —- Speedy Planning.

Posted on January 22, 2025 by john graham

Deputy Prime Minister- Angie Raindeer has got the bit between her teeth with AI. She has first focussed on speeding up the planning system to help her achieve her Mission of building 1.5 million new homes in the next five years.

To start with she is gathering all the data on where all the vacant land is. Which is everywhere where there aren’t already houses. So there is no problem there then!

Next Ange thought she had better look at why things were so slow in the past, so she drew up a list of all the problems and possible solutions :-

Newts – they seem to lead to endless delays, because you can’t find them in the first place. So with AI you can finally find and track them with drones; then capture them all and put them in a zoo, so people can finally see them.
Bats – they are a protected species so we have to look after them, even if it does cost £1.5 million for every bat cave. Angie has a better idea – belfry’s – we all know bats and belfry’s go together and churches are empty most of the time.
Archyology(old fings) – digging foundations can lead to long delays if you find an old piece of pottery or a bone, because you will soon have a gaggle of students ever so slowly digging with toothbrushes hoping to discover some long lost history. Angie says we should look to a brighter future with Labour, not the Tory’s past 14 years.
Rare Wild Flowers – now that rewilding is all the rage, god forbid you find a rare wild orchid on your land, because that will prevent building for a millennium. Angie says get your wild flowers from Interflora in future, so if you’re in a hole, stop digging.
NIMBYS – these people stand in the way of all new housing developments, so Angie says “move on if you can’t appreciate her beautiful new housing projects”.
Not enough Planners – this is a big barrier to speeding up the planning process. Angie has a solution, which is to get AI to automatically grant approval to planning applications, if they are not approved in a month by human planners. That way we don’t need any more planners.

So we can immediately see how Deputy Prime Minister, Angie Raindeer with her Avago Innit attitude has captured the spirit of AI.

Posted in SMILES | Tagged AVAGO | 2 Comments