GrumbleSmiles

Our gifted Prime Minister Stammer has just relaunched his Manifesto full of M’s. He has turned his 5 Missions into Milestones. That is going to make a big difference 🤡

He has made it very clear. He has fixed the foundations. He has filled the £22 billion black hole. What more can onem ask?

The Last Laugh Looney Party has a rather different change plan :- “THE STEP BACK PLAN”

• A doctors appointment within a few days, with the same GP.
• Real money – cash in pounds / shillings and pence so you know what you have spent.
• No credit cards, so you don’t spend what you haven’t got.
• A postal service that delivers letters at reasonable prices in a few days.
• No more Emails or text messages or Facebook ‘friends’.
• No more 24 hour news, which endlessly repeats the same old story,
• No more mobile phones full of scammers and unwanted messages.
• No more repeats on TV, except for Clint Eastwood films🤡
• Remote control devices with a maximum of four buttons.
• All Football and rugby kick off times at 3pm on Saturday.
• No more ‘juvenile influencers’, just wise old grannies and grandpas to consult.

Government Ministers are falling like flies. No sooner do they get mentioned in my blog than they have to resign for some misdemeanour. Soon there will be an empty cabinet, which will make room for some more daft appointees.

In the meantime the new Health Minister – Coco – is setting about reforming the NHS, from lessons she learned at the Vets :-

• Too many people are not getting enough exercise so they must take a dog out every day for a long walk.
• Next humans should only drink water- no more tea or coffee or beer – they are not good for you.
• Next they eat far too much :- so from now on they should only have one tin of food every day.
• Every morning people should chase balls around the garden and not just sit in front of the TV.
• And don’t forget fleas. All people should have a regular wash down with strong smelling carbolic soap, whether they like it or not.
• And hair cuts with a shears even in the winter, when it’s cold without a woolly coat.

Under this new regime Minister Coco expects a big improvement in people’s health.

This is another of Prime Minister ‘the gifted’ Stammer’s Missions.

It is the one which is all about our future or more precisely our children’s future. That is the reason why ‘the gifted’ Stammer has had the novel daft idea to appoint a 5 year old – Little Gen – as his new Education Minister.

The fist thought he/she Little Gen. had was to only have skool 4 days aweek, on Mundays, Whensdays and Fridays. Also not to go to skool when it’s raining or snowing or windy.

It/ her/his next great idea was to not have teechers telling u what 2 do. Leave the children to play. The teechers could fetch sweets and fings and stop shouting. And we should bring our phones to skool, and our dogs and cats.

And we don’t want skool uniforms any moor, we shud be aloud to have sparkly dresses and the boys can ware them 2.

We don’t want to do numbers or spelling cause Tick Toc can do that 4 us. And no moor testing, we just want to be given A*.

And skool should only be open from 10 o’clock so that the mummy’s don’t have to get up so early.

When we eventually finish skool we all want to become influencers and have lots of money like the footballers do.

🤡SO THAT’S THE SECOND MISSION SORTED🤡

It’s been a stickey old start for The Gifted Stammer‘s new job as Prime Minister. His early attempts at ‘change’ haven’t really amounted to much. But with help from the Last Laugh Looney Party he is now encouraging some eye-catching, headline grabbing daft ideas.

One of his ‘missions’ is to build 1.5 million new homes in the next five years. The Conservatives didn’t manage that rate of building in 14 years in Government. All because of planning delays; shortage of available land; high construction costs; lack of skilled labour;

The first step to a daft idea is to appoint someone with no housing experience. The new Housing Minister – Matthew Sixpence – is an historian who has appears never to have had a proper job. So he is ideal🤡

The first priority is to speed up the planning process by breeding lots of great crested newts to avoid developers having to spend months looking for them. Next to rename all the green belt as brownfield to prevent NIMBY’s from objecting. Finally to designate flood plains as areas of opportunity.

The second issue is to find suitable land and the obvious answer is flood plains. With global warming they probably won’t flood so much in future and if they do —- the answer is — boats. All new houses will be constructed on a foundation of rubber dinghies. There are a huge stock in a warehouse in Dover.

To overcome skill shortages and high construction costs, Minister Sixpence has done a bulk discounted deal with IKEA for 1.5 million flat pack houses, which can be assembled in two days.

🤡There is the fist Mission sorted with a daft idea🤡

Having seen the successful election results for President-elect Tramp in the USA , what can our Prime Minister, the Gifted Stammer learn? Obviously he needs an even dafter cabinet 🤡!

So when he has finished globetrotting, he is going to have a cabinet reshuffle. Rachel Rivet has stirred up a heap of tax trouble while he has been away, so she has to go. Her replacement will be 🤡 a Ken Dodd look-a-like, who knows a lot about avoiding tax. The Diddymen can run the Treasury.

Then there are the farmers, who are upset about paying any tax. So whoever was the farming minister, isn’t any more. 🤡Jeremy Clarkson will take over the role and promise to make everyone MILLIONAIRES providing they can answer a few simple questions.

Next we come to the Transport Minister- Louise Belisha Beacon Haigh, the one with the shocking red hair. She got into a load of trouble with Rachael Rivet, when she criticised P&O Ferries, but she still plans to upset people by electrifying all our cars and having more train strikes. So she will have to go and become a traffic warden to get some work experience. Meanwhile Bodj could make a dramatic come back with his vast experience of bikes.

In education, Bridget Phillipdaughter, who is going through a gender identity crisis, will step aside to make room for a 5 year old. After all, our children are our future and they are the very best people to tell us what they don’t know. specially bout spelling and mathmattacks and numbers and fings.

Everyone agrees that the Health Service needs a dogged approach to reform, so who better to shake it up than Coco for Secretary of State for Health. There will be a brief paws to consider the options for reform. Then Coco suggests unifying the NHS and the vetinary service, so that animals and humans have equal rights.

The Ministry of Defence is doing a daft job buying aircraft carriers with no aircraft and having more civil servants behind desks than soldiers with guns. Still since nobody seems to know who the current Minister is, they can be replaced with a pantomime Dame, who can bring some fun to any future war with Russia. Or maybe Deputy Prime Minister Angela Raindeer, could just shout at our enemies and tell them to go away. Who needs nukes, when you got Angela in Shocking lime green pyjamas, that’s enough to frighten anybody.

Finally, we mustn’t forget Energy. But there is no need for change there, because Ed Elasticband is already doing such a daft job putting windmills everywhere and shutting down oil wells and power stations, that pretty soon we will all be in the dark. Then there will be no need for energy. Still it will cut everyone’s bill by the £300 he promised.