GrumbleSmiles

Still trying to solve some of the UK’s great missions as sketchily outlined by our new gifted leader – Sir Keir Stammer; it’s time to turn our attention to ENERGY AND CRIME. How to get more energy and less crime?

The link between crime and punishment seems to have been broken in recent years, as more and more crimes go unreported; or are unsolved; or offenders are given non-custodial sentences. Even when persistent offenders are finally incarcerated, they have to be released early due to overcrowded prisons. The system just isn’t working.

The Last Laugh Looney Party once again has a radical solution🤡Treadmills 🤡

Make prisons a place you don’t want to return to. No TV’s, no telephones, no drugs, no shortened sentences. Just tough restitution. Twelve hour shifts on the treadmill for all able bodied prisoners will generate a lot of power for the National Grid. What’s more it will double the capacity of our prisons, if a new hot bedding policy is implemented, in which each cell is to be used by two prisoners.

This means there will be no need for new prisons to be built, saving millions of pounds. Another positive spin off is that prisoners will be far too tired to take drugs. Finally, reoffending rates are expected to plummet as few will want to return to this harsh regime.

As the demand for more energy increases we may in future need to introduce longer sentences to give prisoners more time on the treadmills. Indeed as the gifted Mr Stammer closes the last of our gas fired power stations it is estimated there will need to be another 10,000 prisoners for each station closed.

The gifted Mr Stammer with his extensive legal experience has a an answer for that— more types of offence🤡

• Exceeding the new national 20 miles per hour speed limit in built up areas, which could be almost anywhere when they have built 1,500 new houses in the next 5 years.
• No Smoking inside pubs, outside pubs and within 5 miles of a pub. Or a restaurant, or a coffee bar, or any where you can eat something.
• No Working in the office more than once a year. Or if you are a civil servant even going into the office at all, except for parties at Christmas.
• Misgendering anybody by referring to him as her; or she as he; or them as it; or any pronoun as another pronoun.

The gifted Mr Stammer will undoubtedly lead us into this brave new world and get us out of the muddle we are in —————————- or he won’t.

This post takes forward the all new open door policy on IMMIGRATION.

At the same time it deals with the long standing vexed question of Scottish independence, which has been a thorn in the side of British politics for too long. The SNP’s succession of leaders – Alex the fish; righteous Nickola ; bearded Hamza all left under a cloud and finally we have Jock McSwinny who is still there the last time anyone looked.

People in Scotland have felt neglected by the Government in London. Now thanks to the Last Laugh Looney Party’s great ideas they are about to step on to a global stage.

WILD SCOTLAND will be the world’s biggest national park, a global tourist destination to rival Disney and the safari parks of Kenya and South Africa. It will encompass the whole land north of Hadrians Wall and include all the islands.

It will be an amazing opportunity to reintroduce bears and wolves everywhere. Penguins, seals and walruses on all the islands. And maybe even a DNA engineered Loch Ness monster🤡

Oh ! And one other thing. Scotland is currently the least densely populated nation in the UK, with only 5.3 million people, which is less than 70 people per square kilometre.

That’s where IMMIGRATION comes in. The 2 million refugees arriving in the UK each year can all be located in underpopulated Scotland, which means there will be 25 million living in Scotland within 10 years🤡

This is a Last Laugh Looney Party attempt to resolve some of the big issues in these New Muddled Ages. Based on the idea that desperate times need desperate measures.

We certainly don’t want a war to force us to face up to reality, but neither do we need a revolution. Our politicians have failed us so far, so maybe the LLLP introduce some fresh thoughts based on previous ideas that have fallen on deaf ears.

A critical precursor to the LLLP proposals is that the Government be put on a war-time footing to enable actions to be expedited without delay. This should clear obstructive lawyers and civil service to one side.

Let’s start with IMMIGRATION. Attempts to turn back the tide have been as effective as King Canute. So why not swim with the incoming tide and welcome all immigrants. With conditions.

• A visa fee of £5,000 payable on arrival in the UK. That will immediately stop the rubber boats crossing the channel.
• Followed by a £100,000 CLAP – Citizen Loan Apprenticeship Plan, which they must pay back within 10 years; either in vouchers, or in working for the Government. Similar to the student loan scheme, it can pay toward their new lifestyle in the UK, by covering their rental and healthcare costs. The vouchers cannot be spent on anything else.
• In return they will get accommodation and free health care.
• They will have to use the vouchers to pay for their accommodation, which will be in tents, or caravans, or cheap hotels, or b&b’s, or even 5 star hotels. Whatever they can afford.
• Those requiring health care immediately must pay cash up front or they will be sent to Rwanda’s excellent hospitals. For all other health care they must join the back of the NHS queue.
• On arrival in the UK their skills will be assessed by the new ASS – Apprentice Skills Secretary – Smiling Nigel. He will greet them with a pint of beer and fish & chip meal and a packet of jammy dodgers; to get them into the English culture.
• They will then be placed in a Government priority job, such as fruit picking for victory; or trench digging for the new green electricity grid; or planting wild flowers to create habitats for great crested newts and pine martins and house martins and every other kind of martins.

With this new open door policy the population of the UK is expected to increase by 2,000,000 a year. Or maybe even more!

The next post will look at where they might work and where they can be located.

Our politicians can huff and puff, all they like, but they are never going to sort out the problems around the world, when they can’t resolve the problems in our own country. Indeed they don’t know the boundaries of our country. Is it just England, or does it include Wales and Scotland. And as for Northern Ireland, who knows? Oh and do we have borders anyway? Quite a political conundrum.

Now we have that sorted out 🤡 let’s look at the pressing issues that need to be solved at home:-

• INFLATION – supposedly down to 2%, but it doesn’t feel like it – product sizes shrinking; special offers fiddling; cash disappearing and breaking the link with reality.
• ENERGY – closely tied to rising costs and the knee- jerk response to climate change. We have shut down our coal mines; plan to outlaw gas boilers and frown on nuclear power. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot ☹️
• WATER – privatise the water companies give money to foreign shareholders and pollute the rivers and the sea. What a good idea that was !
• CRIME – what’s a crime these days? Stealing from shops doesn’t seem to be. Taking drugs is now recreation. Scams abound around every corner. Trust is yesterday’s way of life, now it is for the unsuspecting next victim.
• IMMIGRATION – used to be a welcoming harbour for the refugees of war and famine; now it is a white cliff to be scaled by anyone wanting a new life. Rubber boats and a £7,000 bounty are the rights of passage.
• CLIMATE CHANGE – a world of misinformation and uncertainty. A signpost for “ Just stopping oil”; or closing coal mines; or turning off the gas tap. Or the complete opposite if you live in China.
• NHS WAITING LISTS – growing ever- longer requiring more and more money for less and less of a health service. Free, if you can ever reach the end of the queue.
• HOUSING – not enough; too expensive; out of reach of young people; under-occupied by older people; under insulated; over clad with high risk material; empty second homes; nowhere near enough new homes being built. A catalogue of neglect !

There is more, but that’s more than enough to be going on with 🤡

In the past a Great Depression or a war would galvanise a nation into action on this scale of problems, but far better if we have a quiet revolution.

We are in the Post Covid Era. Where almost everyone has LongCovid and their brains are all addled. So this is a new series of blogs, which will try to see where and how the Era might end, although with most eras, it could go on for a very long time.

These blogs are just jumbled thoughts, which reflect our jumbled times. Now frequently expressed by our jumbled politicians of all parties. Some of them jumping off piers into the sea to catch attention. Others stumbling and mumbling about sausages in these most serious of times. The rest are busy falling out with each other and the confused electorate.

When you look abroad the PostCovid effects are even worse, with wars breaking out around the world. And in the USA they have resorted to shooting each other.

The Last Laugh Looney Party is being copied globally 🤡

The muddle started with the lock downs. People lost touch with reality and each other. They got on their computers and disappeared into a new world of conspiracy and misinformation.

Falling out with each other became the new norm. Trust went out of the window. Not working from home was a lot more fun than working. Especially if the Government was paying for this new found luxury. No school was better than school “we don’t need no education”. Strikes stopped because no one was working. Blissful head in the sand times🤡

ONE DAY WE WILL ALL HAVE TO WAKE UP !