GrumbleSmiles

LLLP Post Election Fun.

Posted on July 14, 2024 by john graham

The Labour Party had a few boring and unrealistic ideas of how to deal with illegal immigration.

The Last Laugh Looney Party had a brilliant one.

Give them all a football trial as soon as they arrive on the south coast beaches ⚽️ . Out of the 70,000 boat people that came this year, there is a fair chance that 5% will be as good as some of the current England team🤡

Any that show promise will then be given a 5 minute substitution at the end of a Manchester City premier league match. That will prove they have played in the Premier League and then they can be immediately sold to a Saudi Arabian side for £50 million. Illegal immigrants who don’t make the grade can go with them as travelling supporters. I am sure they will be most welcome.

5% of 70,000 = 3,500 rising stars who will have all played in a Championship winning side. Transfer fees for the 3,500 x £50,000,000 each is £175,000,000; which is only small change to the oil-rich Saudis.

And the LLLP only keeps a small football agents fee of £17,500,000 🤡

If this works, it is quite probable that many more will follow and Saudi Arabia could become the destination of choice for immigrants🤡

Tagged "LLLP" | 3 Comments

The 2024 General Election result.

Posted on July 10, 2024 by john graham

A resounding victory for the Labour Party? Except for the low turnout. Not exactly a ringing endorsement! A vote against the Conservatives rather than a vote in favour of their vague promises. It looks all too boring.

So what’s next ????? We need to add some Last Laugh Looney Spice 🤡

Instead of votes for 16 year olds; try votes for 12 year olds 🤡

Solve the wait for GP appointments with 10,000 Google doctors. Fully trained in a nanosecond and able to dispense a pill for all ills. Just like now 🤡

Eliminate NHS waiting lists overnight by sending all ill people on a free holiday abroad, then if they need emergency treatment they can get it wherever they are. Then come back cured 🤡
Ask all politicians to drink water directly from our rivers. That should solve the pollution problem pretty quickly 🤡
Coco says give everyone a dog so they get more exercise 🏃🏽‍♂️ and speak to all the people they meet.

There will be more fun ideas to spice up the years to come !

Tagged "LLLP" | 1 Comment

New Defence Strategy

Posted on July 7, 2024 by john graham

On July 2nd front page headlines in the Daily Mail proclaimed

“Britain’s forces not ready for ‘ conflict of any scale’”

It is a great way of telling your enemies that now is a good time to invade.

It was the conclusion of a report by a defence expert, Rod Johnson ( not Boris). Supported apparently by leading defence figures, including a lord, a colonel and a General. All in a team within the Ministry of Defence. You can’t make it up !

To make it more convincing, the best thing to do now, would be to take them out and put them in front of a fireing squad for leaking state secrets. Or at least strip them of their rank and deploy them on the front line, when Putin’s invading forces come over the hill.

Unless of course it is fake news 🤡 with just a bunch of civil servants clumsily trying to get more money for the armed forces.

HOLD YOU FIRE ! OOPS 🤡

This secret MOD team could of course have been very cleaver. Perhaps they were learning from WW2 when Churchill dropped a dead body in the sea off Portugal with a briefcase full of plans for Britain to invade Sicily, to deceive Hitler about the Normandy landings.

So now Putin has to double think there may have been other miss-information campaigns. Perhaps our new aircraft carriers really do have planes after all. Maybe our nuclear submarines can fire Trident missiles without them falling into the sea. Who knows if the SAS hasn’t secretly been recruiting thousands of illegal immigrants, who have been practicing small boat invasions across the Channel in plain sight?

Perhaps the Lords, Generals, Colonels and people called Johnson really are very cleaver after all?

🤡AND ALL FOR LESS THAN 2.5% of GDP 🤡

Tagged Daily Mail, smiles | 1 Comment

My 77 Garden Age & Buttercups !

Posted on July 3, 2024 by john graham

This is my last post before the Election.

A buttercups selection.

The next one will be a reflection 🌼🌼🌼on the result.

Buttercups are the most deceptive of weeds.

They entice you with promises of yellow flowers.

But they spread their tentacles over all around them.

Politicians are like buttercups.

Their promises are full of flowers.

But their deeds are full of weeds.

This pesky post even got into my blog

And got posted a month ahead.

Politicians are unruly like them.

They get out of control.

So the remedy for buttercups is

DIG THEM UP AT THE ROOTS.

Start again with 🌹🌸🌼🪻🪷🌻🌺🌷

🌺🪷💐🌻🌼🌸🌷🌸🌹🌼🌸🪻🪷🌺

Now you have to figure out

Which politicians are buttercups

And which are flowers ?

In my Garden Age

I still dig up weeds

and cultivate FLOWERS.

Tagged "My Garden Age" | 2 Comments

My 77 Garden Age & the NHS

Posted on June 30, 2024 by john graham

This is probably the biggest challenge of all in the electorates mind. And it is only going to get worse as the population ages. So what can we learn from my garden?

Well the NHS is choaked with weeds, all claiming their little bit of space in the garden. Bureaucratic weeds handed down by a micro-managing central government—- these need to be pulled out straight away. Then we can dispense with an army of administrators, who don’t grow any flowers in the NHS garden.

Most of the NHS staff need to be gardeners helping patients to grow back to health. It is what they do best —- creating 🌻🌹🌼🌸🌺🪷

Cottage hospitals should have cottage gardens, where patients can recuperate. Hospital wards should be full of flowers, not banned by infection control police.

Tagged "My Garden Age", NHS | 3 Comments

My 77 Garden Age & Crime.

Posted on June 26, 2024 by john graham

Weeds are the criminals in my garden. They appear where they are not wanted and take up space that could be used for flowers. They also divert my time and effort into pulling them up.

How does that relate to crime in our society ? Well, there is too much of it and it’s growing. We need more flowers, but the ground is not fertile and just encourages more weeds. Our justice system is not fit for purpose , nor delivered in a timely way.

Prisons are full and fail to prevent reoffending. Around 25% reoffend, which costs an estimated £18 billion a year. That doesn’t include the ones who don’t get caught!

The answer is not to build more prisons; nor to effectively decriminalise shoplifting; drug-taking; burglary and car theft; nor to shorten sentences; nor to release criminals early. It is to find new ways of helping prisoners back into society with the skill and outlook to lead an honest life.

Easy to say / difficult to do !

Gardening can be hard work and take time and patience. But it is also rewarding 🤡. So let’s get our prisoners outside digging up weeds; growing flowers and planting fruit and vegetables🪴🪴🪴And trees —- lots of trees. 🌳🌳🌲🌳🌲🌲

Later they can move onto housebuilding. More homes for everyone, including them, when they are released. We will build a new skilled workforce of gardeners and construction workers.

As I write this, it all sounds too utopian and unrealistic. But it doesn’t have to be a soft option. Initially the gardening will be done in the prison grounds. Outside prison grounds, high risk prisoners will be fitted with a ball and chain. Later this can be changed to a tracker, but abscond and you will be back in the ball and chain.

After a year of gardening and construction work, prisoners can opt to switch to other work or full time education. All designed to give them a better opportunity when they complete their sentence. They will also be given a release bounty, equivalent to the minimum wage for the period of their incarceration. 50% of the bounty must be used to compensate any victims of their crime.

Tagged "LLLP", "My Garden Age" | 4 Comments

My 77 Garden Age & LLLP.

Posted on June 23, 2024 by john graham

My Last Laugh Looney Party blogs await the judgement of the electorate on July 4th. The wisdom of the voters might finally tell the politicians what to do with themselves🤡

Meanwhile my garden lays out a host of steps before me. Which one to take first ? —- the economy; NHS waiting lists; education; defence; crime; nett zero; immigration —- as many choices as there are tasks in my garden.

All with no money🤡

We need to mobilise the nation to lift us out of this era of gloom.

Even a single flower in my garden can raise a smile !

So let’s start with EDUCATION and let a thousand flowers bloom. Teachers and children need more support so ask every teacher to recruit one volunteer for a year. Somebody known to them, so that they can dispense with all the Department of Education vetting processes.

Oh and for a year we will suspend all the “ work” in the county education offices and the Department of Education and second them to do some real work experience in the schools that Ofsted has rated poor. 8,000 people work in the DoE and 3,000 in Ofsted. Thousands more work in the county back office teams, no doubt they will gain valuable experience being on the front line for a year.

The volunteers will wear a flower to show they are completing a year of National Service.

THAT’S A START.

Then the following year, hopefully some of them will wish to stay on and remain as volunteers. Others may wish to train to become teachers.

The back office staff will not be able to go back to “working from home” and will have to justify why they are needed at all, if the education world didn’t fall apart over their year of National Service 🤡

Tagged "LLLP", "My Garden Age" | 3 Comments

My 77 Garden Age.

Posted on June 19, 2024 by john graham

I first started to write about “My Garden Age” in 2011 and I have periodically returned to the theme over the years since. In so many ways it’s an allegory of my life. So now I reflect on it again at 77.

The garden is a lot older than I am and will still be there long after I am gone. I can only hope to leave it in as good or preferably a better place than when I first came to it in 1979. Where did those 45 years go?????

The garden grows faster and I grow slower. The power of nature verses the power of man.

It rewards you with wonderful sights each day.

But good things demand endless effort, there is a reminder each day of things to do :—

Weed the path
Empty pots of flowered bulbs
Plant the next pots of bulbs
Compost the dead leaves
Cut back the ivy before it gets into the gutters
Dead head the roses
Edge the lawns and cut the grass
Pull up “mind your own business” before it gets everywhere
Deadhead the daffodils
Fit bamboo supports to the foxgloves and hollyhocks
Prune the apple trees
Dig out the dandelions
Sow vegetable seeds
Weed the pots
Lift forget-me-nots before they go to seed
Pot on pot bound plants
Water the pots and the newly planted seeds
Trim the hedge
Kill the moss on the paths
Mulch around the roses
Tie back the raspberry canes
Pull up the bindweed before it smothers everything
Dig up the buttercups before they take over every spare space
Carefully pull up the stinging nettles

AND ALL THAT IS BEFORE I PLANT ANY NEW PLANTS !!!!

There are so many things to do —- where do you start?

It only matters that you do start. Every long journey starts with a small step.

The Last Laugh Looney Party is in a political garden with a great many things to do. They just need to take the first step 🤡

Tagged "My Garden Age" | 3 Comments

Last Laugh Looney Tax.

Posted on June 16, 2024 by john graham

This is the last of theLLLP visionary pledges. The key one that shows how it all can be painlessly paid for. Well painlessly for all but the very very rich – the 166 billionaires on the Times Rich List.

Tax needs to be simple, so everyone can understand it at a glance. No need for accountants promoting their skills at avoiding tax. No need for highly paid tax lawyers hawking around their dubious tax evasion schemes. No need for off-shore tax havens. No need for thousands of civil servants at the Department of Tax Everything, or what ever it is called.

So here are the new tax rules from day 1 of the new LLLP parliament.

The basic rate of tax will be NO TAX, for anyone earning less than £100,000 a year 🤡
For earnings of between £100,000 and £200,000 the tax will be 10%
Tax will increase by a further 10% on each £100,000 thereafter. So by the time you are earning £900,000 you will be paying 90% tax on your highest £100,000.
Here’s the kicker —— when you become a billionaire earner you will be paying 100%tax on any higher earnings.

Now people will say that all the billionaires will leave Britain. And they can move to Monaco or the Virgin Islands or anywhere that will have them in their newly impoverished state 🤡 They will be impoverished because the LLLP Tax Rules don’t allow you to take your money abroad; or your super yachts; or your private gas-guzzling jets; or your fleet of luxury cars.

Billionaires will be welcome to stay in Britain and spend their wealth here. Of course if they do leave, they won’t be able to take their many luxury houses with them. Rather than being left to rot the houses can be donated tax-free to the LOONEY HOMES TRUST who will convert them into retirement flats🤡

No doubt many lawyers and tax accountants will also wish to go abroad as there is no need for their expensive advice now that the LLLP has simplified the tax system. I doubt we will miss them!

Tagged "LLLP" | 3 Comments

LOONEY SCHOOL MEALS.

Posted on June 12, 2024 by john graham

My last post showed how the new Looney Education policy would move children out of the classroom. This leaves the vast school estate available for repurposing. Marcus Rashford gave the Country a great idea during Covid.

Now the Looney Party intends to expand the approach by offering free school meals to all children and old people by using the school kitchens and the empty classrooms. Food banks will continue to supply all the homeless. Supermarkets will be required to donate 10% of their food produce to the project.

To promote good healthy lifestyles plenty of fruit will be on offer.

The remaining school accommodation will be used as a play area, so that children and grannies and grandpas can look after each other all day. Markus Rashford and his other highly paid footballing pals ⚽️⚽️⚽️⚽️ will provide exercise and games classes. All the Ronald McDonalds🤡🤡🤡🤡 will offer fun and entertainment now that the fast food outlets have been closed on health grounds.

Schools will become LOONEY FUN AND SOCIALISING COMMUNITY HUBS. All aimed at getting people out and about after the isolating years of Covid and austerity.

Tagged "LLLP" | 4 Comments