GrumbleSmiles

The posties are on strike today and for lots more days in the run up to Christmas. Stamps are costing more and more. A threepenny stamp now costs nearly a pound. That ought to be enough for a modest pay rise, but it looks like the strikes will go on.

The postal service is under threat from e-mails and parcel deliveries are now provided by just about everybody with a van. Post service managers have already axed the second post and are now suggesting moving the morning deliveries to the afternoon.

All in all the universal postal service which is a lifeline to so many people, needs a lifeline itself.

So I have decided to send a letter to Kirkaldy. I don’t know anyone in Kirkaldy, indeed I didn’t even know where Kirkaldy was until looked it up on Google Maps. So I will send it to Andy McDougal – there’s bound to be one somewhere in Kirkaldy. Jock, the postie will certainly know where he lives.

Now if everyone did this to different locations all over Britain this could save the postal service and the jobs of posties everywhere.

The first phase of Bodj’s rule is nearing completion. He has raised and set the standard for years to come. So it is an opportunity to reflect on his many achievements.

BREXIT. Obviously by now everybody can see that we are at last free from the European market. Indeed we may never sell anything to them again and that’s their loss. They will get no more Stilton cheese or Melton Mowbray pork pies from us !

CORONAPOP. The pandemic came out of nowhere ( at least nowhere that the Wuhan laboratory will admit to ). Bodj took control and rapidly got on top of the problem. Any delays and cock-ups were the fault of Matt Handcock. Our great leader even lead from the front by getting the virus and overcoming it.

CLIMATE CHANGE. This is by far the biggest issue the World faces and once again Bodj got World leaders to agree to reduce Co2 emissions by 2050. That should sort it, if the seas don’t flood everywhere before then. Once again Bodj has shown the way by locking everything and everybody down during the Coronapop years, so that many people now intend to work from home forever. Especially if they are a civil servant.

For those who still want to go out to work Bodj has successfully persuaded the Trade Unions to hold regular strikes to reduce travel and limit carbon footprints. Bodj would like to thank the RMT and ASLEF…….and the airport workers ,,,,,,, and the doctors and nurses who will be on strike soon.

FOR NOW BODJ HAS GONE ON HOLIDAY AND LEFT NOBOY IN CHARGE WHILE HE FIGURES OUT HOW TO BECOME WORLD KING.

Bodj has rediscovered himself. Just when everybody else is trying to get rid of him,

But out of all the troubles surrounding him Bodj can see opportunities. He will announce them to the nation in a series of blogs over the next few days.

Everyone has to have hundreds of passwords these days. It is the secure thing to do if you want to stop hackers breaking in to your highly confidential everyday chit chat. Or worse still stealing your bank details and ordering goodness knows what.

I first started with” John”. I knew I would be able to remember that and I reckoned that no hacker would think I would be stupid enough to use my name as a password.

Then my iPad told me I should include a number to be more secure, so my password became “John1”. But it also needed to be at least six characters, so I extended it to “John12”.

Each time I altered my password I had to remember to go back and update all the earlier versions, which was a bit of a pain, but still if was comforting to know I was more secure. And I could sill sleep at night!

“John12” was OK with me, but some websites didn’t seem to think it was secure enough if I wanted to order something from them. They recommended I use even more characters and punctuation marks….. and maybe an emoji or two. So now I am using :-

“John12345abcdefgh,.!?&#£()%=🏈⚽️🍺😀“

It’s a bit difficult to remember and I do get “timed-out” quite frequently, but nobody has figured the code out for the time being. So far so good.

Nonetheless I still was worried about the increasing sophistication of these hackers. So I contacted the master code-breakers at GCHQ, you can find their number in the yellow pages. They told me that since I didn’t know any “top secrets” and I didn’t have much money in the bank, I shouldn’t be to concerned. That’s a relief!

Not that many years ago when you went to a Tigers game all you did was roll up at the turnstiles just before 3 o’clock on a Saturday and pay a few quid in cash to get in. Simple ! A season tick would secure your seat.

Then technology took over to make things even easier. No need to bother with cash, your annual fee is loaded onto you credit-card type ticket and all you have to do is stick it into the machine at the gate. No people involved. No friendly chat as you go in, no “Enjoy the game”. Just the high-viz jacketed security stewards checking your bags for ? …. contraband. ? A crate of beer not purchased at a Tigers outlet, or maybe a tube of exploding toothpaste, or a scarf with offensive words.

It all seems to work well, until Tigers get to the quarter-finals of the European Challenge Cup and the match is not included in the season ticket price. All of a sudden over 20,000 supporters have to buy a ticket. Surprise, surprise the ticket office is “ experiencing a high volume of calls at the moment”.

Still you can always book on-line. Just put in your Tigers Reference Number, which obviously you know off by heart. Or you can find your season ticket and it is written there right before your eyes. Type it in and now all you need is your password which you used years ago when you first bought your season ticket ….. and have long since forgotten. Not a problem you and set up a new one via e-mail.

Now you can book your ticket. Except you can’t because your iPad sends you into an endless loop of booking and re-booking, but never getting to the pay out stage. Maybe the Tigers website has crashed, not cashed?

So I am back to the telephone. I am experiencing a lot of calls at the moment and so evidently are Tigers, so I get a lot more automated messages telling me it might be easier to book on-line, Gerr ! Still I wait and wait and wait a bit more until I get to a real person. MAGIC !

She was very helpful and in just a few minutes and £44 later I have my ticket! Well almost. I have to print that off myself, a good job my print ink hasn’t run out. PHEW.

Now all I have to do is turn up in two weeks time at 3 o’clock on Saturday the 7th May ………. And wait two and a half hours ……. Because the kick off is not until 5.30.

HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED !

Time to wake up from hibernation now that Coronapop has just about infected the whole world.

How well our politicians did preventing it spreading. Masks, lockdowns, a new rule every day. Testing, tracing, isolating ….unless you are a politician off to a party. What a ⚽️⚽️⚽️ up!

Then there’s the parties. …… except they are not parties they are gatherings with drinks and cakes and quiz’s … and *gathering poppers”. After that come Questions in the House, then an enquiry, then a police investigation, then a few small fines. What another ⚽️⚽️⚽️ up!

And it all cost a few bob. A lot spent on masks that didn’t work; ventilators that weren’t used; Nightingale hospitals that were never used. Still, some lucky people did make loads-a-money out of masks and PPE. Oh and furlough did give lots of people a long paid holiday. In fact many civil servants are sill on holiday, although it is now referred to as “working from home”. What a load of ⚽️⚽️⚽️⚽️⚽️ !

Thank goodness our politicians have not got any other crisies’ to deal with.