GrumbleSmiles

Minister Allsorts.

Posted on April 20, 2025 by john graham

In the last two blogs Prime Mister Skeyer Stammer has managed to appoint over 110 Yes men and women Ministers, he just needs another 230 to complete the full set🤡 Guaranteed to do his bidding or lose their Ministerial jobs.

There are the usual tried and tested ones, which get absorbed into the fog of the civil service and are only let out to issue bland statements about nothing in particular. Skeyer also requires some quirky people to deflect attention away from difficult questions. Look how well the Lib Dems did with Ed Gravy jumping all over the place🤡

So how about:-

Minister for Pier Jumping or even Peer Jumping.
Minister for chasing Rainbows.
Minister for Freebies.
Minister for Nothing in Particular.
Minister for Pulling rabbits out of hats.

MAYBE THAT WILL GET SKEYER THROUGH TO THE NEXT GENERAL ELECTION. IT IS CERTAINLY GOING TO NEED SOME

MAGIC.

Posted in SMILES | 1 Comment

Yes Ministers !

Posted on April 16, 2025 by john graham

Prime Mister Skeyer is still on a mission to appoint more Ministers, now that he has realised that this is a way to keep his fractious MP ‘s under control.

His first Ministerial bunch certainly succeeded in slowing down the traffic and are working hard on filling the 10,000 holes in Blackburn, Lancashire.

The second group is going to transform the NHS, working with the ever popular Wes Streeking, who has a nice word for everyone on his waiting list —- its “hang on”. It is such a big, complicated, complex and confounding field, that there needs to be many more Health Ministers : –

Ministers for all the oscopathies :-
Minister for Endoscopathy; Minister for Colonoscapthy; Minister for Bronchoscapthy; Minister for Cystoscopthy; Minister for Laryngoscopthy; Minister for Otheroscopthys.
Then there are the ectomys :-
Minister for Cholorectomy ; Minister for Appendectomy; Minister for Hysterectomy; Minister for Hemorroidectomy; Minister for Vasectomy’s; Minister for Alltheotherectomys.
You get the idea. There could be another 100 Ministers working in the health sector🤡 Some may be lost among the millions of staff and myriad of incomprehensible medical terminology; never to be seen again.

Although the Ministers will not be expected to have any medical knowledge, they will each be offered a “ freebie” oscopthy or ectomy so they have some “ lived experience”. They will of course have to declare it in the register of gifts, along with their Taylor Swift concert tickets and Cup Final hospitality.

With all this extra Ministerial attention there will be endless Ministerial pronouncements to keep the NHS in the headlines, but there will be little progress on reducing waiting lists.

In fact there are now 7 million people waiting for oscopathies and ectomies.

There are now at least 100 Health Ministers, all of whom will be expected to make regular hospital visits and officially open New Corridors.

Posted in SMILES | Tagged NHS | 2 Comments

Minister Minister.

Posted on April 13, 2025 by john graham

Skier needs to unite his party. That’s quite a challenge when half his MP’s are on the left and half are on the right …. And the other half are in the middle. He did think about promoting one half to the House of Lards, but there is no room. And they are not too keen after he promised to abolish the Lards.

So his new great idea is to make them all Ministers, then they will not only have to follow him but also repeat his every word repeatedly on TV, on radio, on Twitter and in Parliament. Of course they will all get a big pay rise and a chauffeur-driven car.

Skier is going to start with potholes. Because there are a lot to fill in, there will be a Secretary of State for Potholes. Supported by a host of very important Ministers :-

Minister for A roads & B roads and high roads and low roads.
Minister for Motorways of the three and four lane variety.
Minister for White Lines – single and double.
Cones Minister not the ice cream varieties.
Road signs Minister – you can never get enough of these.
Grass verges Minister – all to be planted with wild flowers.
Minister for Manholes – reserved for Jeremy Corbett.

This excellent team of Ministers will be expected to transform the road network and make it very very green. Their first move will be to impose a nationwide 20 miles per hour speed limit. This will be assisted by putting cones everywhere for no obvious reason. Then there will be lots of temporary month- long road closures anywhere there is a pothole.

This has all been fully costed and will be paid for by new road taxes. All vehicles will have to pay £1 per mile, except for Tesla’s and Ministerial cars, which will be free. Next year the tax will rise to £2 per mile and then an extra £1 every year after — until everyone buys a Tesla or becomes a Government Minister.

THERE WILL BE MORE MINISTERS APPOINTED IN MY NEXT POST🤡

Posted in SMILES | 4 Comments

Smiling Bridge.

Posted on April 9, 2025 by john graham

Now that Smiling Niggle has a bridgehead into France and the full support of Emperor Tramp there is no stopping him🤡

His first move is to meet up with Mrs Pen and promise her she can be Princess Pen after the revolution. It’s just a matter of leaving the horrible EU and getting the farmers to revolt, which they are always doing anyway. Then France can join the USA and become the fifty ninth state — called New Pennsylvania.

Emperor Tramp may even give them back the Statue of Liberty and all the chlorinated Kentucky Fried Coc au Vin they can eat.

Meanwhile Mr Stammer has got very upset because he wanted to be “ the Bridge”, and now Smiling Niggle has stolen the show🤢 what’s more his MP’s are getting into all sorts of trouble. Police investigations; kicked out of Isreal; some are even opposing labour policies of getting people to work. What’s wrong with not working from home?

The Labour Party is in the middle of a muddle. They don’t know whether to go left or right. Sir Keyer thinks he needs another reshuffle of his Cabinet. but that gives him a great idea🤡

A cabinet of All the Ministers🤡

Posted in SMILES | Tagged Tramp | 2 Comments

Tramp Splash!

Posted on April 6, 2025 by john graham

Emperor President Tramp has thrown all his tariff pebbles in the global economic pond and almost immediately everybody is floundering. Just like the beautiful disrupter intended. Or at least that’s what he would have you believe🤡

Britain which he thinks is a beautiful country with a great King Willi, got off lightly. Indeed the UK is destined for tumultuous times once we are fully integrated as the First State of the USA. We will all be eatin’ Chlorinated Kentucky Fried Chickin and maybe we can even be given some Ben & Gerry’s ice cream.

Sub prime mister Stammer is still trying to catch up with all the changes. He is about to reshuffle his cabinet and sacrifice Big Ed, “the zero man”, so that we can get on and Drill Baby Drill and Frack Baby Frack. We are going to have so much oil and gas, that we won’t need any more windmills or electric cars — except beautiful Tesslars. Nett Zero still remains a top priority to be achieved just a bit later — say by the year 3,000 or perhaps 3,050.

The other reshuffle casualty will be the Immigration Minister Evette Cockup, who has done such a terrible job of “smashing the gangs”. Her job is being given to Smiling Nigel, who will be permanently stationed on a gunboat in the English Channel playing very, very loud music in the direction of France. Any immigrants that evade Rule Britannia at 3 am in the morning will be captured and ferried to Corsica.

Unfortunately the Smiler Nigel may have gone a little too far by putting landing craft onto the beaches in France, but he explained he was just re-enacting D day. That’s the day when The Donald takes over Europe🤡

It is all good fun and will Make Europe Great Again.

Posted in SMILES | Tagged Tramp | 1 Comment

Tramp Fishing.

Posted on April 2, 2025 by john graham

Pres/ Emperor Tramp has been fishing for the last month, but so far he has only disturbed the water. So far there have been only a few bites.

He has caught some lithium and totonkium and lots of other rare iums. He also has picked up some power stations along the way. All in Ukraine.

Up till now the bigger fish have still eluded him. Fishermen need patience, but El Trampo is not a patient man.

So what to do? 😈🤡😈🤡😈🤡😈🤡 Devil or Angel?

No contest ! Tramp’s definitely got a devil may care approach to life😈

WATCH THIS SPACE.

Posted in SMILES | Tagged Tramp | 1 Comment

Smiling Tramp🤡

Posted on March 30, 2025 by john graham

Emperor Tramp is having a laugh, which is why he is an ideal member of the Last Laugh Looney Party. His sense of humour is based on smoke and mirrors, which makes it difficult to know what he really intends. Indeed he often doesn’t know himself what he really intends🤡

So far he has succeeded in discombobulating lots of his opponents in the USA and especially politicians in the UK and Europe. Nobody is sure what he is about to do next. He is the only one still smiling, although “the Russians are coming” is a warning that is increasingly relevant.

His next bold move is to form RATO — Russian American Treaty Organisation —as a replacement for NATO.

RATO is the new alliance between America and Russia, where both countries have agreed to share their nuclear weapons and only use them in a dire emergency- like a war😈 For this Emperor Tramp and Mr Rasputin have jointly been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize 🤡🤡

Emperor Tramp returned with the treaty in hand proclaiming :-

“Peace in our time”

Posted in SMILES | Tagged "LLLP" | 3 Comments

Smiling Tarriffs🤡

Posted on March 26, 2025 by john graham

Now that the UK has become the First State of the American Empire, Emperor Tramp has declared that we will be beautifully tariff free. There will be no import taxes or export taxes between Britain and the USA. Sir Keyer Stammer is delighted to announce that he has successfully negotiated that we can have all the Kentucky Fried Chicken, chlorinated or unchlorinated, that we could possibly want.

The Transport Secretary, whoever he or she or they or it, is today, has confirmed that all Government cars will be driverless Tesla vehicles. Thereby enabling 2,000 chauffeurs to be redeployed to filling potholes.

Buses and trains will also be driverless, although the RMT union has agreed drivers will still be paid for working from home. Except in London, where there will be no more buses until Mayor Khannot resigns and apologises for calling Pres Tramp a xxxxing idiot.

All European goods will double in price because of the beautiful 100% tarriffs on imported products. So we will all be drinking no more French wines or eating unhealthy Italian cheese, instead we will have a healthy diet of McDonald’s burgers and Domino’s Pizza.

Our country’s security is now assured by Emperor Tramp’s guarantee that he will come to our rescue in the event of a war. Provided that is that we have contributed at least 10% of our budget to buying American armaments. Oh and it might take a year or two before they can mobilise.

THERE WILL BE MORE, MUCH, MUCH, MORE TO COME IN THIS NEW BEAUTIFUL TRAMP WORLD.

Posted in SMILES | Tagged "LLLP", smiles | 1 Comment

Tramp LLLP

Posted on March 23, 2025 by john graham

Now that Pres Tramp is the biggest high profile name to join the Last Laugh Looney Party the key questions are :-

“Who is in charge?” and “What’s next?”

There is no question, the supremely confident deal maker, Pres Tramp is in charge of everything. Ever since he was elected by such a landslide majority. It was probably the largest majority in the history of elections. It was a beautiful majority, thanks to the behind the scenes support of the Last Laugh Looney Party.

Now that Britain has agreed to become America’s First State, the next step is to expand this beautiful Union by adding in the Commonwealth which comprises another 57 countries. It will be headed up by Emperor Tramp and in exchange for joining, each country will be granted a beautiful gold Tramp Hotel and an American missile base. Oh and a Tramp golf course🤡

The American Empire now covers nearly half of the world’s land surface and Pres Tramps head is on stamps all round the world. What a beautiful thing. His image is also on all the coins, except there are no actual coins, currency is all in Tramp bitcoins from now on.

Just as they used to say about the British Empire now President Tramp and his entourage of playboy girl followers can say:-

The sun will never set on the TRAMP AMERICAN EMPIRE.

Tagged "LLLP" | 2 Comments

Tramp joins LLLP

Posted on March 20, 2025 by john graham

As he has often said President Tramp really, really likes Britain. In fact he would like to join the Last Laugh Loony Party and to “Make Britain Great Again”. So much so he has proposed that it becomes America’s First State. Until recently, Delaware thought it was the first state, but now it will have to move to 57, after Canada, Greenland, Iceland, Gaza and the Chagos islands all jumped on the Tramp bandwagon🤡

Prince William will become His Excellency King Willi of the ever so beautiful Empire of America. He will live at Tramp Palace, formally called Buck House.

Pres Tramps best UK buddie and forever friend, Smiling Niggle will become First Mister and chief spokesman for Clacton on sea and Mister without portfolio. His main job will be drinking for England🤡

Sir Keyer has been appointed as Chief Coast Guard since he did such a good job controlling immigration. Angie Raindeer will assume the role of Leader of the Houses, until Elon Must makes her redundant tomorrow.

President Tramp remembered that the guy with the fly away hair said some nice things about him, so he decided to make Bodj Chief promoter of lost causes. His first task will be to rename Heathrow airport as “ Tramp Landings” and build Tramp golf courses in all the National Parks🤡

All citizens of the First State will be expected to come outside on the doorstep each Wednesday at 7.30pm, when Coronation Street is on and clap for Pres Tramp and say “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you” six times.

Now that we are all Americans, we will be issued with AK47 rifles and MBGA baseball caps. The UK will be the first line of defence against Europe as part of NATO — the North Atlantic Trump Organisation.

Posted in SMILES | Tagged "LLLP" | 2 Comments