GrumbleSmiles

The Deputy Prime Minister, Angie Raindeer is one of the few success stories in our Labour government with her innovative application of AI to solving some of the country’s biggest problems.

So Sir Keyer has asked Angie to Avago at Immigration. “Avago“ is the latest buzzword for Angies down to earth, practical approach to the government’s 5 strategic Missions.

After her recent freebie visit to New York, Angie has taken a keen interest in American politics and Trump mania in particular. So her first thought on immigration was to build a wall, but then she remembered Humpty Dumpty and his great fall. So she dropped that idea.

Next she pinched another of The Donald’s ideas (the President not the Duck) what about Greenland? How about making a pre-emptive bid for the UK to take over Greenland.

Angie knows a lot about Eskimos from reading about them in her childhood. You know — Nanuk of the North and Eskimo Nell all having fun in the snow. And her Raindeer surname is bound to ring a bell.

There are only 57,000 people in the whole Greenland population, so Angie figured if she went across and did a bit of dancing with them and offered them free Captain Birds Eye fish fingers and free Devon ice cream for life, they would be sure to vote to join the UK rather being taken over by the USA.

So there it is, Angie Raindeer becomes the new UK High Comissioner to Greenland.

At a stroke Angie has solved the immigration problem, because all immigrants will be sent there while their immigration applications will henceforth be ever so slowly be determined in Greenland in the very, very cold climate and with very, very long nights in tents. That may deter a few people from coming to the UK and the lawyers who represent them.

The new UK colony gave Angie another good idea. In future all Public Enquiries can be held in Greenland, because it will significantly speed them up if the lawyers don’t want to catch cold 🤡🥶

I know you can’t believe everything you read in the Daily Mail, but there have been some worrying stories recently about spying by foreign countries. How do you spot a spy? Who knows? That’s the whole idea of spying😈

Chinese balloons flying over Washington😈Russian submarines shadowing our submarines😈mysterious Chinese diplomats befriending Hardup Princes😈. Where does it all stop ? What are they trying to find out ?

The latest scary example is a report in Which magazine that discovered that your washing machine can be telling tales on you. So can your air fryer, your door bells, your TV’s and obviously your security cameras.

All these so called ‘smart’ products can potentially collect and pass on endless details about your behaviour. In future you may never have a minute or a secret to yourself🤡

Now President elect Trump has suggested shooting down the balloons over the USA. But it would be a bit drastic to fire a ballistic missile into your washing machine.

I’ve got a better idea. Switch on all your gadgets and turn the radio on to a continuous loop of every episode of the Archers. That information overload will not only totally confuse whoever is listening, but soon turn them off the idea of spying on your everyday life.