“Smile Post” 3

Before reading this post, look at earlier posts on this subject by clicking on “Smile Post” in the tag cloud.

Postman Pat’s buggy train is now the length of a bendy bus and there is one final buggy to go, which will make this a totally unique, all smiles, cure the ills of the day, all new Royal Mail service.

  • The last buggy on Pat’s train will be a luxury,  seats and tables,  silver service,  get on and off anywhere, for £1 , extra special,  especially slow,  Royal -handwaving trolley bus.
  • It will be staffed by Volunteer Grannies and Grandpas (CRB checked of course), who will take young pre-school age children out for the day.  There will be nappy changing facilities, sleeper seats and naughty corners.  There will be a small charge by the hour and fines if your child ends up in the dog house.  By the way, this trolley will also do a dog walking service for £1 – you can tie your dog to the back of the buggy.  Pat’s black and white cat will not allow the dog to ride on the buggy for Cat Health and Safety reasons 🙂

Finally, because the train is now so long, it will need to be followed by a red flag-waving, keen-eyed neighbourhood watching, “Hello” and “Good Morning”, mobility scooter driving, rear guard Grannie or Grandpa.

Of course, because of all the extra work, Pat’s postal round will have to be much smaller, which means there will have to be a lot more Pats and black and white cats.

Remarkably, even without any more letters, there will need to be a lot more postal worker jobs created.  Also there will need to be sales people on the postal train, who will handle the retailing operation.  Since everything will cost £1, NO special skills are required to do the role, except being able to count to 10 on your fingers (and thumbs).  This will create thousands of extra minimum wage, part-time jobs, out in the fresh air, — ideally suited to 60 – 70 year olds who are winding down to retirement at 65 – or 66 – 67 – 68 – 69 – 70 or whenever.

These additional posts will be called A.P.O.’s — Assistant Postal Operatives.  The Communication Workers Union wanted a posher title to reflect the importance of this new position and suggested they be called ‘Assistant Postal Executive Safety Health Improvement Technicians’,    but Pat didn’t think this was such a good idea?


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1 Response to “Smile Post” 3

  1. Capital237 says:

    I enjoy your reading of Pat, his postal bus and the black & white cat, and all those APO’s positions for the hard up pensioners, who bring joy throughout the year and especially at Christmas with the Royal Mail. But alas until now I feel forsaken, I have dark thoughts thundering through the night, and a rat a tat tat, and clickity click as the midnight mail train dashes through the countryside with maybe Thomas at the head or even Henry?? I am looking for my old anorak and train spotters book and a platform ticket to see something like Santa Sliegh and Reindeers? Maybe it now only travels once a year, and then in memories of my youth, and not in reality? What a song the ‘6-5 special coming down the line’ The ‘6-5 special right on time’? Oh for my hot cocoa and that carrot if I am Rudolf? or that sherry if I am santa? It is a great time of the year, With lots of anticipation to look forward to a good and happy New Year.
    Seasons greetings to our mentor and our readers.

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