“Easy Money”

It is a rare sunny day in winter, so I woke up with a happy disposition.  It could have been dashed quite quickly – as soon as I opened the newspaper to find that for the first time ever Britain now owes £1 trillion – that’s £1,000,000,000.  Worse still, my share of it is apparently £40,000 – oh dear!  Just when I am about to become a pensioner, I am up to my neck in debt  😦

Still, it’s a nice day and I am determined not to let it beat me.  I am sure I can learn a lot from that nice man, Mervyn King – the Governor of the Bank of England.  Evidently when you owe lots of money, the right thing to do is borrow some more :-).   Mr King has already helped loads of people by giving away £325 billion which he calls”Quantitative Easing”.

 So I am going to go straight down to the bank and ask for some Quantitative Easing money to pay off my share of the national debt.  I will probably have to wait a while, while they print the money, and I don’t want to get into debt again, so I think I will ask for £1 million just to be on the safe side.  I would hate to have to keep coming back, cap in hand to ask for more.  Only Governments can do that, because they can never get their figures right first time.

When I become a Quantatively Eased millionaire, I am going to need a financial plan.  It is  a bit confusing ——  being so wealthy  🙂 and owing so much money at the same time :-(.  Still, the bank has lots of independent advisors who will help you to invest your money with them.   Of course there is a ‘small’ commission fee and they are sorry they don’t pay any interest at the moment, but all that is fully explained in the 90-page specially small-printed, gobbly-gook, impossible to understand contract that you get with every investment.   Quantitative Easing money is quite difficult to understand ,but it must be ok because everybody is doing it and you get a cast iron guarantee that all investments can go up —– or down!


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3 Responses to “Easy Money”

  1. Maureen o'Neill says:

    Good luck to you John.
    I didn’t even want to borrow money I just wanted clarification about an ISA. I rang the bank – big mistake – can’t get through to my Nationwide bank but got a sort of Central Nationwide. They redirected me three times. I need to ring this number – got through all security questions answered – oh no you need this number – same thing happened. Finally got through to someone who thinks he can help then “Oh I am sorry you did not answer the security questions properly” I retold him all the things he needed to know “but now it has gone wrong I can’t help’ ” I was furious. Everything I did was correct but Nationwide had different answers. I suggested he was looking at the wrong Name etc.
    When you become a quantative millionaire perhaps you can open a bank that is accessible to idiots like me. Maybe if I had wanted to borrow some money it would have been easier. Then I, too could help to pay off the National debt.!!!!!!!!

    • john graham says:

      Interesting that the banks security is so good that you can’t even access your own money.
      Still I suppose that means it is safe as houses, just so long as you never want to see it again 🙂
      If you are stuck for ready cash, I can always ask my friend Mr. Mervyn King to print you some.

  2. John T says:

    I am somewhat surprised! I thought the U.S. was the only country that was letting idiots run their financial institutions It appears the “dumb a__” bug must be moving around globally. But then count yourselves lucky that you only owe one trillion. We here in the U.S. have no clear idea how many trillions we owe and the flap eared puppet in the White House just keeps on trying to spend more.

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