It is a rare sunny day in winter, so I woke up with a happy disposition. It could have been dashed quite quickly – as soon as I opened the newspaper to find that for the first time ever Britain now owes £1 trillion – that’s £1,000,000,000. Worse still, my share of it is apparently £40,000 – oh dear! Just when I am about to become a pensioner, I am up to my neck in debt 😦
Still, it’s a nice day and I am determined not to let it beat me. I am sure I can learn a lot from that nice man, Mervyn King – the Governor of the Bank of England. Evidently when you owe lots of money, the right thing to do is borrow some more :-). Mr King has already helped loads of people by giving away £325 billion which he calls”Quantitative Easing”.
So I am going to go straight down to the bank and ask for some Quantitative Easing money to pay off my share of the national debt. I will probably have to wait a while, while they print the money, and I don’t want to get into debt again, so I think I will ask for £1 million just to be on the safe side. I would hate to have to keep coming back, cap in hand to ask for more. Only Governments can do that, because they can never get their figures right first time.
When I become a Quantatively Eased millionaire, I am going to need a financial plan. It is a bit confusing —— being so wealthy 🙂 and owing so much money at the same time :-(. Still, the bank has lots of independent advisors who will help you to invest your money with them. Of course there is a ‘small’ commission fee and they are sorry they don’t pay any interest at the moment, but all that is fully explained in the 90-page specially small-printed, gobbly-gook, impossible to understand contract that you get with every investment. Quantitative Easing money is quite difficult to understand ,but it must be ok because everybody is doing it and you get a cast iron guarantee that all investments can go up —– or down!
CONFUSED YET? CLARIFICATION WELCOME AT FOOT OF BLOG