In the run up to the local elections this week, it is obvious to everyone that the country is desperately short of money. Nonetheless all the politicians want to spend more and none of them have any real idea of where the extra cash is going to come from.

Only the LAST LAUGH LOONEY PARTY has the answer. Tax. TAX. TAX.

Rachael Rivet made a start down this road, with freezing tax allowances and adding a bit more tax here and there, but it was far too timid.

We all need to cut down our carbon emissions, if we are serious about getting to nett zero. So, a Breathing Tax would be a good start. Every breath you take could be monitored with an Apple Watch and the tax sent directly to the Government at the end of each day, from your bank account, or it will be deducted from your welfare benefits, or your pension.

In order to maximise the tax take, the NHS exercise guidelines would be increased to 20,000 steps a day.

Next we ought to have a Water Tax. Again the NHS now recommends that everyone should drink at least three litres daily. Every gulp of this precious resource will cost you 10p. And then when you pee, that’s another 10p. A new sort of input/ output tax.

Sitting on park benches is another privilege everyone takes for granted. But it has to be paid for somehow. So a new Sitting in public Tax will be introduced. Say, a £1 an hour or part of an hour. Sleeping on the bench will cost more.

There could be a lot more taxes to come.

BUT, WE WONT PUT ANY OF THIS IN OUR MANIFESTO, BECAUSE NOBODY WOULD VOTE FOR IT.

Shush, we will keep it as a nice surprise, after we have been elected🤡