GrumbleSmiles

The frenzied speculation about Rachael Rivet’s budget has at long last ended. The worst of the rumours proved to be rumours. Rebelling Labour MP’s didn’t need to rebel.

The financial markets were happy that the “black hole” had been filled in. If there ever was a “black hole” in the first place.

The “working people” must continue to work to pay for all the “ non working people”.

Rach and Sirkeyer can tour the country and bask in the glory of it alll, as if nothing happened. They have still got their jobs.

FOR NOW.

Meanwhile:- Ukraine is still fighting off the Russians; Gaza has been almost forgotten by the media; the climate change summit was a load of hot air; Trump is headline chasing as hard as always.

THINGS CAN ONLY GET BETTER.

The BBC has been all over the news in the last few days for all the wrong reasons. Nobody seems to love dear old “Auntie” anymore. Nor does calling it “OUR BBC” appear to have convinced anyone that it is ours. The only people who believe that are the 21,000 people who work there.

It’s President Tramp, who has brought it into the headlines recently by threatening to sue it for a billion dollars. That’s quite a big slice out of its annual budget of £5.4 billion.

His is not the only complaint, the BBC has been digging a hole for a long time and it’s finally fallen in😂

Some of its fallen stars :-

• Jimmy Saville stopped “ fixing it for you”
• Hew Edward’s brought us “ bad News at Ten”
• Gary Lineaker went offside in “Match of the day”
• Greg Wallace cooked his own goose
• Martin Bashir for hoodwinking Princess Diana.

But also the endless repeats and repeats and repeats; it’s drive to be ever more WOKE and the relentless rise in the License Fee —- £169.50 and counting !

The Beeb needs a haircut and the LLLP are ready for the challenge.

• Strip out all the highly paid presenters.
• Forget 24 hour news. Limit news broadcasts to breakfast/ lunch/ tea/ supper time.
• Take out all the middle managers; editors; assistant editors; production co-ordinations; content creators; floor managers; shift leaders; communications officers; business development managers; delivery staff… the job list grows faster than I can type🤡
• Only have real celebrities on Strictly not people you don’t recognise.
• Have at least one Clint Eastwood film on every night.

In an excellent book published in the 1970’s, Antony Jay wrote about the BBC from the inside. It was about group think, entitled “Corporation Man” and the thing I remember most was his description of the extravagant use of Corporation money. To Licences Fee payers it was their ££££££.

After her decluttering budget proposals in my last post, Sir Keyer put Rach on sick leave. Not because she was sick, but because he was sick of her.

Now in desperation he has turned to the Last Laugh Looney Party for some more radical suggestions to solve out economic woes.

• Firstly, let’s stop all public enquiries. There are currently 24 of them, most of which have been going on for years and whose recommendations will be ignored anyway. Sadly it will put hundreds of lawyers out of work 😂
• Secondly, cancel HS2 and Heathrow’s new runway and the tunnel under Stone Henge and every other capital project which is over budget. Which is probably all of them !
• Thirdly, close down all the Quango’s. 600 at the latest count costing £343 billion, or 30% of the Government’s annual budget. They can continue on a voluntary basis or be funded as a charity if people or businesses are willing to pay for them.
• Fourthly, radically rethink our defence policy, based on Ukraine’s recent experience. Don’t bother buying billion £ aircraft carriers that don’t fly planes; or submarines that we never see at sea; or tanks that at £8 million each arrive years late and out of date. Retire all the armchair generals and recruit a regiment of 8 year old gaming children, who can shoot down drones in a click. For not much more than minimum wages, a Mars bar and a bottle of fizzy pop.
• Fifthly, put all the illegal immigrants to work, while they wait for their claim to stay to be evaluated, which will probably take years. They could build new prisons, which they could then go and live in until they are finally deported. At least that way we would get something to show for all the money they are costing us.

That’s FIVE LOONEY IDEAS to be going on with, but it probably doesn’t go far enough in reducing our national debt. I would have asked the Office of Budget Responsibility to calculate how much would be saved. But unfortunately they were scrapped in step three🤡

Rachael Rivet is contemplating her upcoming budget. Apparently she has a big hole to fill. £20 billion……£30 billion….£50 billion…who knows? Certainly Rachael doesn’t.

So perhaps the Last Laugh Looney Party can offer her a few ideas that would please the disaffected voters :-

• Increase the National Minimum Wage to £20 an hour. That should get a lot of people rushing for jobs. Especially if they can keep ‘working from home’. Oh and work a four day week for 5 days pay. And go off sick on the first day.
• Give everybody a New Electric Car to hasten our progress towards nett zero. Only of course if they qualify for the National Mobility Scam. To qualify you need to say you are depressed or at least a bit fed up.
• Reinstate the Pensioners Winter Fuel Allowance and Triple it. At the same time increase the retirement age to 99.

How is all this going to be paid for ? How are we to fill the black hole?

Simple …….. CLUTTER

We have all got too much clutter and Rach thinks we should throw it all out …. Or more precisely, give it to her. Then she can sell it on EBay and use the money to pay off the National Debt and thereby fill in the black hole.