NHS WAITING LIST PYE CHARTS
I have been exploring the use of Chat GPT to do my background research. Sadly so far I haven’t mastered the wonders of AI. But I will keep trying.
Watch this space………..
NHS WAITING LIST PYE CHARTS
I have been exploring the use of Chat GPT to do my background research. Sadly so far I haven’t mastered the wonders of AI. But I will keep trying.
Watch this space………..
My blog last week described the beginning of a brave new NHS world. A world of preventative medicine and relentless testing. All designed to move the focus of health care away from reactionary hospital care more in the direction of early diagnosis and community care. It sounds almost too good to be true. But will it work? Will it save money? How long will it take? These questions have still to be answered.
Let’s see if we can extrapolate from my own experience over the last two months. As my last blog explained it all started with a routine annual medication review with my GP and a casual passing remark about a cough. This obviously rang a warning bell for the GP. Who is very good and rightly cautious on my behalf.
However, it triggered the start of an investigation far greater than I imagined. The first phase is fully described in detail in my earlier blog. Over the period of a month it involved three potentially significant health conditions and FOURTEEN different front-line health professionals plus even more back room staff. The good news was that at the end of this nothing untoward was found. PHEW!
Just one problem. None of these tests explained the mysterious and long forgotten cough☹️
So started phase two of the testing journey. The search for an unexplained shadow on my left lung☹️ Don’t mention the “C” word at this point! Off to see a specialist lung doctor for some more tests. (receptionist, lung doctor, lung nurse) Height and weight measured again. (2 patient measurers). This time the “C” word was mentioned as a possibility☹️ but only briefly😀.
This then began a trek thought some previously unexplored parts of the vast NHS empire. First a respiratory test in a cubicle that could have fired me into space, but fortunately didn’t lift off. Lots of heavy breathing. (Receptionist, respiratory nurse). Next, a few days later, a CT scan on my chest in a newly built diagnostic unit in the community ( receptionist, CT assistant, CT consultant)
Still not conclusive, so I needed a full body scan, so two weeks later I went to the local hospital to meet some more nice people ( receptionist, CT assistant, CT nurse and a back room CT consultant) All very polite, friendly and efficient. Results in two weeks.
By now it is nearly two months since I went for a routine check on my medication and mentioned my occasional cough. I’ ve seen 29 NHS staff, all of whom were very helpful. I have also had 7 different tests and examinations all done fairly promptly.
Finally I got the ALL CLEAR. it was just a cough 😀😀😀😀
God knows how much that cost the NHS, but testing is obviously not cheap. Thank goodness the NHS is free. The service was exemplary throughout, in complete contrast to the image often portrayed of the NHS. Absolutely no case for ambulance chasing, no win, no fee lawyers.
The start of a new era in the NHS. An all singing, all dancing 10 year plan to cure all ills.
Based on preventative testing and early diagnosis. Testing will be done in new diagnostic centres at the behest of GP’s. All much quicker and avoiding unnecessary referrals to hospitals. Sounds good so far😀
Now I have recently had an early experience of this process ahead of the launch of the heralded new 10 year plan. It reflects well on the NHS, but highlights the substantial resources required.
I went to my GP for a routine annual review of my medication. I only take 5 pills a day, which I think is pretty low for my age 😀 Whilst there I mentioned I had a bit of a cough a month or two ago, but it was OK now. Obviously I was asked about my smoking habits and reassured her I haven’t smoked for over 30 years. My diligent GP recommended I get a blood test; an ECG and a chest X-ray, in case I had heart failure☹️,just as a precaution. (1receptionist, 1 GP, 1pharmacist )
So the very same day I went for a routine blood test at the walk- in centre at my local hospital. Spoke to a volunteer who checked me in and told me to see the receptionist who checked my appointment and moved me on to the phlebotomist who extracted a sample of blood and sent me on my way. (1 volunteer, 1 receptionist, I X-ray assistant and 1 radiologist)
A few days later a letter arrived with an appointment for my chest X-ray, so I trotted off to the hospital again. Spoke to the receptionist who directed me straight through to the X-ray assistant and in less than five minutes it was completed and passed to the radiologist. (1 booking administrator,1 receptionist, 1 X-ray assistant, 1radioligist )
In the meantime I saw the Practice nurse at the GP surgery for the ECG. After looking at the graphs she consulted another GP who confirmed the results were OK. (1 Practice nurse, 1GP )
Only a few days later all the results were through and I went to see the GP again to discuss the outcome. The good news was the ECG was fine and the blood tests confirmed I haven’t got heart failure. PHEW! Neither had I got a kidney problem, although I was “ boarder-line” OOPS. My risk of diabetes is elevated so I need to keep it under review FINGERS CROSSED THEN.
Diseases – diabetes boarderline ,,, heart failure. Kidney infection asthemea. Cancer
Occupations nurse , doctor , receptionist, radiologist, GP , flobotomist , X-ray assistant. CT SCAN ASSISTANT, CT SCAN NURSE, Respiratory consultant, resp nurse,
The world is becoming a wild garden.
Deaths in Gaza; rockets raining down on Iran and Isreal.
Ukraine and Russia locked in endless confrontation.
Trump tariffs creating economic chaos everywhere.
UK public enquiries left hanging in the air.
The weeds are rapidly getting out of control.



But even in the darkest hour somewhere you can find a flower.
The world needs more gardeners.
The doubling of the prison capacity by Shababa Badmood has been very successful. After a fashion🤡
Community sentences have provided an army of reluctant road workers to fill in potholes.
But, there is a logistics problem. In some parts of the country there are too many potholes and not enough criminals to fill them in.😈
So the ever cleaver Minister Badmood has come up with a new novel idea. Shoplifting Week.
For years the police have given up on arresting people for taking a few things from shops without paying. So now Shababa is going to have Shoplifting Weeks in areas where there are to many unfilled potholes. Like Blackburn, which has 10,000 holes.
The local police will still not arrest the perpetrators, but the BBC will have cameras everywhere to record the stealings. This will provide material for their next hit show “ I’m a shoplifter, lock me up”.
The viewing audience will have facial recognition hand sets and can phone in their findings. The first viewer to recognise a shoplifter and name him or her will receive a £50 voucher from the shopkeeper.
The local Bobby can then go and arrest the shoplifter, armed with the video evidence. 24/7 judges can then immediately convict them and start them filling in potholes without delay🤡
ANOTHER GREAT WIN FOR SIR KEYER AND HIS MAGIC MINISTERS!
Fresh from her success in creating a lot more prison places with her innovative bunk bed idea, Shababa Badmood has turned her attention to the huge number of people on remand awaiting trial. What we need is much swifter justice.
Shababa has been impressed with the speed of TV telephone voting for quizzes and celebrity shows. So she has decided to personally host a new show called “ I’m a remand prisoner, get me out of here”.
On day time TV, the viewers can watch a brief trial, interrupted only by a few adverts for security systems and locksmiths. The prosecution case is put first by either the victim or the police. The accused can then explain why they should not be found guilty. There are no lawyers involved anywhere in this process, except of course for the judge who will decide the sentence.
Then at the end of the programme, the viewers can phone in their verdict. If the contestants are found to be innocent, they are immediately free to go. If convicted the prisoner goes straight back to jail.
A cottage garden is supposed to be somewhat unkempt. It is not a tidy, beautifully manicured flower show haven. This is especially true now that rewilding is all the rage.
I don’t know who told the plants in my garden that, but they have certainly taken it to heart.

This used to be an organised bed of cutting flowers, mainly dahlias.
No more, now the buttercups have seized control. Two self- seeded foxgloves joined the party and a single clematis retains its lofty position. Roses climb with abandon.



It is certainly wild and very floriferous. The birds and the bees love it.
I am beginning to think nature is a better gardener than I am myself !
Sir Keyer Stammer has this week announced his UK long term defence plan. It is indeed very long term because the funding is not available until 2034 or even later. Presumably wars break out slowly these days🤡
We are going to have more 12 submarines and 6 more ammunition factories and more troops and more houses and 6 more missiles and thousands more drones. More of just about everything if we can find the money. As you would expect, this stuff costs a bomb!
Sadly we may have to have less and less of everything else☹️

Wars won’t wait for Stammer to figure it out, because Rachael Rivet is still trying to find some bit coins to pay for it all.
The Last Laugh Looney Party has a different speedier, cheaper solution.
Toys-R-Us and Pizza Hut and Deliveroo. Between them they are the best at getting things done quickly. So they will order 200,000 toy drones capable of carrying a small box; then order 200,000 exploding pizzas on same day delivery and send them to all the Russian troops in Ukraine. Private enterprise at its best.
This military expansion will be reinforced with a newly created Dads Army Home Guard, who will line the beaches of Britain to deter any Russian invasion. They will only be armed with walking sticks, but they will be very very grumpy.

This will all be done at no cost to the public purse. The LLLP plan to take out a pay day loan with Wonga at an interest rate of only 99 % and charge it to President Tramp🤡. We will just call it the Chagos Island surcharge.
NHS waiting lists growing longer and longer has bedevilled politicians ever since the Covid years. The Conservatives couldn’t shake it off and now the Labour government is dogged with it. It seems like everything they try is doomed to fail. The Conservatives outsourced a host of services to the private sector, but that only increased demand.
Junior Doctors strikes then made the problems worse. The waiting lists grew to 7,000,000 plus! The Labour government then gave them a bung- a zillion% pay rise. They went back to work but it made little difference. The Labour party’s ratings in opinion polls continued to nose dive.
Time for something different.

The Last Laugh Looney Party had a radical solution to get the NHS waiting list down in a day! Walk-in centres.
No need for an appointment just go to your nearest new NHS facility based in an empty shop on your empty high street. There you will be able to see one of the richly rewarded Junior Doctors or maybe a Junior Doctors Assistant. The Assistants must have completed at least a weeks training on how to put on a white coat. They will be able to give you an aspirin, which should help your condition and will constitute the completion of your medical consultation. Waiting lists growing longer will fall overnight!
If by any chance the aspirin doesn’t work for your condition, you can begin the process all over again. You can make another appointment with your GP. It currently only takes about 6 weeks to see you GP and they can refer you to an NHS consultant. Appointments with consultants take less than 6 months to arrange, if you are classed as an emergency. It’s 12 months if you are not.
Of course if these delays frustrate you, you can always go to one of the newly created Walk-in Centres🤡
Sir Keyer Stammer has been fretting about our prisons being so full up. As a lawyer and former Director of Public Prosecutions, Sir “Lock em up” Keyer, wants to free up prison places by freeing more prisoners, so he can lock more people up.
His Justice Secretary- Shabarba Badmood- has come up with a raft of new ideas aimed a creating spaces in prisions:- let ‘em out earlier; let ‘em out even earlier; don’t put ‘em in in the first place; more tagging; suspended sentences; deferred sentences; community sentences and if none of that works —- castration!
Even the Looney Party thinks that’s a bit harsh😈
The Last Laugh Looney Party has another simple solution to the seemingly intractable problem of overcrowding in our prisons.
BUNK BEDS🤡
Overnight we can double the number of prison places and lock em all up.
A bulk order for 90,000 flat pack bunk beds has been placed with IKEA, at the knock down price of £10,000 per bunk. so that’s just £900 million to double the prison capacity almost overnight🤡