GrumbleSmiles

With the help of ChatGPT and AI, the Last Laugh Looney Party of Robo MP’s have solved all of the biggest domestic issues that were concerning the electorate.

Now it is time to turn their attention to major international events, namely Ukraine and Israel &Gaza.

President Tramp has done all the initial undiplomatic work of sowing confusion everywhere. Sir Keyer Stammer has b-b-b-backed him all the way and promised to put boots on the ground. Although he’s not quite sure if that is in Ukraine or Israel or Gaza.

Ever willing to spend more taxpayers hard earned cash, the Ministry of Defence ensured that 500,000 pairs of boots have already been ordered from Doc Martens and we just happen to have 500,000 immigrants twiddling their thumbs and waiting around in hotels ready to fill them🤡

Sir Stammer has called them “the Army of the Unwilling”

Once they are deployed/ deported he fully expects to share the Nobel Peace Prize with President Tramp.

“How lucky we are to have such great politicians who can establish peace in our time”

The next three issues that weigh heavily on people’s minds are all closely related and reflect a major change in the culture of our society in recent years. SAFTY in your home and your community is the prime responsibility of any Government and quite obviously successively over the last decade our politicians and the judicial system have lost control of this issue. Large areas a of public life have changed beyond all recognition. Dixon of Dock Green has long since retired and been replaced by flack-jacketed coppers in flash cars issuing crime numbers instead of catching criminals.

CRIME. The definition of a crime in the eyes of the police seems to have changed; though not in the minds of the public. Theft is seldom followed up and shoplifting is accepted as an every-day inconvenience. Drug taking is a recreational pastime even though it is illegal. Be careful not to go too fast in your car however, or speed cameras will snap you and wanna-be PC Louis Hamiltons will be on your tail. Fare dodjing is another fun game that will save you outrageous travel costs. Blocking motorways is also a happy way of spending the day, just say you are “ saving the world”.

Using AI, cameras everywhere and facial recognition the LAST LAUGH LOONEY PARTY will track and trace all these criminals and with the assistance of PC Robo Dixons on every street corner, they will feel the minor criminals collars, fine them on the spot and bang them up if necessary.

🤡Uman rights lawyers will be most upset!🤡

JUSTICE. The clogged up judicial system will be speeded up now that minor crimes are expeditiously settled by all seeing Robo Cops on every street. The courts will only be used for more serious crimes like hate speech or miss gendering or flag waving demonstrations. Jury’s won’t be required as the all- knowing ROBO JUDGE will be able to quickly assess all-seeing camera evidence and dispense ROBO JUSTICE. Conviction rates will reach an all time high as robots are never wrong🤡

🤡In no time at all offending will fall🤡

PRISONS. Of course initially there will be a lot more convictions. ROBO PROBATION OFFICERS have an answer for that, home detention and – ROBO CORRECTIVE TAGS. Thanks to the genius of Elon Must, nurolink chips can be inserted in the heads of offenders and programmed with the required corrective behaviours. Small electric shocks will be administered for any steps taken outside your home during your sentence.

I am sure we will all feel much safer in this Robo controlled world.

🤡Won’t we?🤡

Big strides were taken in the first 100 days of the new Last Laugh Looney Government. Now it’s time to move forward with the remaining pressing issues.

SOCIAL CARE. This is an issue that has been prevaricated on for years by all political parties, because nobody wants to face up to the colossal cost or to offend elderly voters by telling them the truth. The brutal reality is that most people have not saved enough for a long retirement, especially if it involves a period of supportive care. The good news is that for many home owners their property has accumulated in value significantly in their lifetime and is an asset which could cover the cost of care. The LLLP will unlock these assets by offering reverse mortgages, that enable the elderly to release money from their houses to pay for care. They will also set up a compulsory social care insurance scheme for people under retirement age. This means inherited wealth will be reduced, but on the positive side it will create many more jobs in the care industry.

INFLATION. Calculations of this are always wrong when you look back on them. All these highly paid economists with no understanding of what is going on in the street. I am surprised that they think they can calculate it to1 decimal point and that anyone puts any store by it. The average man/ woman on the street are only too well aware of the rising price of everything. The Last Laugh Looney Party will immediately introduce a price freeze on all goods and services for two years.

🤡 SIMPLES 🤡

Economy sorted🤡 in the next post we will turn to crime😎

The Last Laugh Looney Party’s first proposals in Government have been quite radical, even if they might seem like common sense to the man/ woman in the street. So before they are enacted the LLLP has a uniquely different approach.

“GAZZA’s PENALTY SHOOT OUT”. This is an all new Saturday night prime time TV show hosted by Gary Lineker in the hour before Match of the Day. Gary has generously agreed to compare the show for only £1,000,000.

In the simplest of terms Gary will explain the issues that have been discussed in Parliament in the previous week. No action replays, no VAR, no bookings. The viewing audience will then be asked “ do you still want to go ahead and change the law on each issue discussed that week?.” YES/ NO.

In the first half of the programme the viewers can submit amendments to the proposals, e.g.

• IMMIGRATION – immigrants with £1,000,000 can be allowed.🤡
• NHS WAITING LISTS – newly qualified doctors and nurses are welcome provided they can speak English or Welsh and promise not to go on strike for a year.
• CLIMATE CHANGE – fracking will be allowed in all Constituencies that vote either Labour/ Conservative/ Liberal Democrat.

Amendments will be voted on before the final vote takes place. It will be a fast moving, all action show, although there will be no action replays or extra time.

To be eligible to vote you must be over 12 and have lived in the country for at least a day or two.

If over 50% of registered voters say YES, the proposal must be enacted within a week. If majority vote NO then the issue cannot be revisited for a year.

This is carefully designed by the LLLP to ensure the electorate knows what it is doing🤡 and in any case it can’t be worse than the current system.