LLLP Small Boats

Posted on May 25, 2025 by john graham

The D Day anniversary channel crossing of small boats to commemorate the evacuation of Dunkirk, gave the Last Laugh Looney Party an idea. A simple solution to illegal channel crossings 🤡

Round up all the illegal immigrants arriving on our shores in small boats before they land in the UK and tow them back to the beaches in France. A sort of re-enactment of the D Day landings🤡 After all the French could hardly claim to be a hostile country, because that is where they came from in the first place. Besides we would make no charge for the return journey 🤡

We could also cancel the £500 million we are paying the totally ineffectual French police for letting the illegal immigrants get on the boats. The money saved could be used to help UK citizens get faster treatment in the NHS.

THIS IS THE FIRST OF MANY MORE LLLP SIMPLE SOLUTIONS to follow🤡

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Troubles a Plenty☹️

Posted on May 18, 2025 by john graham

Ukraine over and over again and then the rain in Spain.

And the countrywide power failure☹️

Then there is Gaza ever worsening devastation.

India and Pakistan facing up with nuclear missiles☹️☹️☹️

And President Tramp stirring the pot with tariffs.

Not to mention global warming or is it warning.

At home there are more taxes looming and benefits cutting.

Sowing division and derision.

Politicians with no purpose other than survival.

And increased crime and decreased punishment.

And boats crossing Channels and immigrant full hotels.

And ever lengthening NHS waiting lists.

And …. And…. And….. And…. And….

What a world we are living in?

Still you can stride out on a sunny day and

For a moment make it all go away🤡

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It’s a Gas🤡

Posted on May 7, 2025 by john graham

Got a letter today from our calor gas supplier saying that they are going paperless. No doubt saving half the Amazon rain forest. When we next receive a tank refill the delivery man will no longer put a delivery note through the letter box. It will also lead to efficiency savings which will probably count towards the £300 saving by 2030, that Ed Elasticband promised everyone.

If we still want a delivery notification, all we need to do is send them an email address so they can do it online. Simple.

Just three easy steps :-

  • Send them your account number which is on your statement, although it it is not on the letter they sent you😈 So I go look for a statement. It’s 14 digits long with a lot of zeros and it is different to the last statement? Still I gave it a try.
  • Next add the delivery point, which might be called the customer address and it is on the letter they sent or the last delivery note. Are we clear? It is only 8 digits and no zeros.
  • Finally add your email address.

I did all that and the form would not “submit”. Evidently I had got my account numbers mixed up; or my delivery point should have been my delivery address; or maybe I had put in too many zeros.

But I wasn’t going to submit either! This calor gas improvement in customer service wasn’t going to beat me. I had a few more goes, juggled with the combinations of delivery notes, addresses, customer numbers and assorted zeros. Eventually, like a Chinese hacker, I managed to break through. I might have a go at breaking into the Bank of England next. Only kidding🤡

As Mick Jagger would say — “ It’s all right now, in fact it’s a gas”

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Breaking Walls Down🤡

Posted on May 4, 2025 by john graham

After the spectacular Local Election results expected by Friday the Willies are JUBILANT 🤡 A collection of odd balls elected everywhere. Hot off the press — Ed Elasticband has defected to the Willies, now that Keyer Stammer has decided he wanted to drill, baby drill after all.

In Parliament their ramshackle group of disaffected MP’s have everything to argue about, before they can reform any new policies. Some of them on the left want to spend, spend, spend; while others on the right want to cut, cut ,cut. They all agree they should break down the red walls and blue walls and any other colour walls.

Jeremy Corbit suggested nationalising Walls and Ed agreed it would be a cool thing to do. So Walls Ice Cream was the first firm to be taken over by the State. To satisfy the right of the party it was decided to denationalise the NHS to get rid of all the waiting lists. It will be handed over to the pharmaceutical companies and pills will be the answer to all ills.

The Irish MP’s have never been keen on boarders and offered to blow up all the walls still standing between Northern Ireland and the Republic—- they have had plenty of practice in the past. The Scots Nats said they might as well blow up Hadrians Wall while they are at it, if they are not going to be allowed to be independent.

Prime Mister elect Sir Niggle Smiley suggested scrapping the Royal Mint since nobody uses coins anymore. Next he thinks Banks could be shut down completely after they debanked him, he says it’s only fair that he debanks them.

Finally Sir Ed Gravey, the Lib Dem’s resident clown is proposing to jump off the top of the Blackpool Tower into a bowl of Walls ice cream.

So this is what the Trumpian world will look like in future🤡🤡

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LLLP Coalition of the Willies.

Posted on April 30, 2025 by john graham

In anticipation of a landslide of disaffected voters turning up at the local elections and not knowing who on earth to vote for, the Last Laugh Looney Party has come up with an unlikely coalition of odd balls. MP’s who have realised that even after they have somehow been successfully elected, they still can’t change anything. But they do enjoy the perks and self-importance of being in Parliament.

Protesters about anything and everything. Rebels with and without a cause.

The outcasts are:-

  • Jeremy Corbit ousted from the Labour Party.
  • Rosie Plumduff sent to Coventry for her views on women.
  • All SNP’s who are leaderless and rudderless.
  • All the Irish MP’s both sitting and not sitting.
  • The Welsh Nationalists lost in a language not a song.
  • The lonely Green.
  • The Conservatives out of favour – too right or too left.
  • The Reform Party who need reforming even before they’ve started to reform.

It will definitely be worth joining the LLLP Coalition because that way they can continue to claim expenses and join committees and go on fact finding missions to Bali or the Maldives. 🤡 They can champion the poor without having to change anything. 🤡They can butter up the rich in the hope of a job when they cease to be an MP. 🤡

THEY ARE ALL TRAMPERS NOW🤡

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Looney P.O.O.P

Posted on April 27, 2025 by john graham

As the May local elections loom the Last Laugh Looney Party may have come up with an election winner.

They have been digging deep into potholes, as this may be the key to election success. Surely potholes can’t be too difficult to fix?

The current way of doing things is dreadfully slow :- inspect the hole first — draw a white circle around it —- leave it a few days —- send six men to put cones around it —- put up some traffic lights —- break for tea —- make the pothole bigger —- more tea —- fill in the enlarged hole with tarmac – more cones – final cup of tea— take down traffic lights — move on to next hole.

Daventry District Council has millions of potholes to fill in, the process could take years !

We need a radical new way. A LOONEY fix🤡

The Last Laugh Looney Party looked to dentists for a solution, after all they probably do a lot more fillings than Daventry District Council.

How about if the LLLP had a fleet of toothpaste tube shaped lorries robotically controlled to travel the roads of Daventry District at night, pausing at every pothole and filling it in with rapid hardening cement and a special dash of Fixodent. One quick squirt and holes of all shapes and sizes can be filled in a few seconds. Leaving the tube to move quickly to the next pothole. It’s a game changer🤡 All sponsored by Colgate.

This could be replicated in other District Councils, sponsored by other leading toothpaste brands.

It will be called the “POTHOLE ORIGINAL OMNIFIX PROJECT”.

The cost of road repairs has been estimated to be £16.8 billion. The LLLP POOP solution would dramatically reduce this and radically speed up the process.

It could provide a road sweeping victory for the LLLP across the country.

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May Elections?

Posted on April 23, 2025 by john graham

What shall I do in May? Who shall I cast my precious vote for?

How can I in some small way change the world? Or at the very least change some small part of it?

I have been following President Tramp’s every twist and turn for the last few weeks,but I doubt he knows I even exist. So my vote won’t end the war in Ukraine, nor stop the fighting in Gaza. I even doubt if it will have much impact on the world economy.

Perhaps I should turn my attention to Mr Stammer who keeps saying he has been very clear, but I haven’t heard him mention Kilsby once! Maybe the pile of bins in Birmingham have put him off mentioning anything local.

So I should set my sights even lower. What can I do to influence Daventry District Council? They have been Conservative for the last two decades and their greatest achievement as part of Northamptonshire County Council has been to go nearly bankrupt!

Not a good track record for our local politicians.

The Liberal Democrat’s are the only ones so far, to have canvassed me by pushing a leaflet through my door. Sadly it’s full of platitudes and empty promises.

I am probably better sticking to potholes🤡

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Minister Allsorts.

Posted on April 20, 2025 by john graham

In the last two blogs Prime Mister Skeyer Stammer has managed to appoint over 110 Yes men and women Ministers, he just needs another 230 to complete the full set🤡 Guaranteed to do his bidding or lose their Ministerial jobs.

There are the usual tried and tested ones, which get absorbed into the fog of the civil service and are only let out to issue bland statements about nothing in particular. Skeyer also requires some quirky people to deflect attention away from difficult questions. Look how well the Lib Dems did with Ed Gravy jumping all over the place🤡

So how about:-

  • Minister for Pier Jumping or even Peer Jumping.
  • Minister for chasing Rainbows.
  • Minister for Freebies.
  • Minister for Nothing in Particular.
  • Minister for Pulling rabbits out of hats.

MAYBE THAT WILL GET SKEYER THROUGH TO THE NEXT GENERAL ELECTION. IT IS CERTAINLY GOING TO NEED SOME

MAGIC.

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Yes Ministers !

Posted on April 16, 2025 by john graham

Prime Mister Skeyer is still on a mission to appoint more Ministers, now that he has realised that this is a way to keep his fractious MP ‘s under control.

His first Ministerial bunch certainly succeeded in slowing down the traffic and are working hard on filling the 10,000 holes in Blackburn, Lancashire.

The second group is going to transform the NHS, working with the ever popular Wes Streeking, who has a nice word for everyone on his waiting list —- its “hang on”. It is such a big, complicated, complex and confounding field, that there needs to be many more Health Ministers : –

  • Ministers for all the oscopathies :-
  • Minister for Endoscopathy; Minister for Colonoscapthy; Minister for Bronchoscapthy; Minister for Cystoscopthy; Minister for Laryngoscopthy; Minister for Otheroscopthys.
  • Then there are the ectomys :-
  • Minister for Cholorectomy ; Minister for Appendectomy; Minister for Hysterectomy; Minister for Hemorroidectomy; Minister for Vasectomy’s; Minister for Alltheotherectomys.
  • You get the idea. There could be another 100 Ministers working in the health sector🤡 Some may be lost among the millions of staff and myriad of incomprehensible medical terminology; never to be seen again.

Although the Ministers will not be expected to have any medical knowledge, they will each be offered a “ freebie” oscopthy or ectomy so they have some “ lived experience”. They will of course have to declare it in the register of gifts, along with their Taylor Swift concert tickets and Cup Final hospitality.

With all this extra Ministerial attention there will be endless Ministerial pronouncements to keep the NHS in the headlines, but there will be little progress on reducing waiting lists.

In fact there are now 7 million people waiting for oscopathies and ectomies.

There are now at least 100 Health Ministers, all of whom will be expected to make regular hospital visits and officially open New Corridors.

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Minister Minister.

Posted on April 13, 2025 by john graham

Skier needs to unite his party. That’s quite a challenge when half his MP’s are on the left and half are on the right …. And the other half are in the middle. He did think about promoting one half to the House of Lards, but there is no room. And they are not too keen after he promised to abolish the Lards.

So his new great idea is to make them all Ministers, then they will not only have to follow him but also repeat his every word repeatedly on TV, on radio, on Twitter and in Parliament. Of course they will all get a big pay rise and a chauffeur-driven car.

Skier is going to start with potholes. Because there are a lot to fill in, there will be a Secretary of State for Potholes. Supported by a host of very important Ministers :-

  • Minister for A roads & B roads and high roads and low roads.
  • Minister for Motorways of the three and four lane variety.
  • Minister for White Lines – single and double.
  • Cones Minister not the ice cream varieties.
  • Road signs Minister – you can never get enough of these.
  • Grass verges Minister – all to be planted with wild flowers.
  • Minister for Manholes – reserved for Jeremy Corbett.

This excellent team of Ministers will be expected to transform the road network and make it very very green. Their first move will be to impose a nationwide 20 miles per hour speed limit. This will be assisted by putting cones everywhere for no obvious reason. Then there will be lots of temporary month- long road closures anywhere there is a pothole.

This has all been fully costed and will be paid for by new road taxes. All vehicles will have to pay £1 per mile, except for Tesla’s and Ministerial cars, which will be free. Next year the tax will rise to £2 per mile and then an extra £1 every year after — until everyone buys a Tesla or becomes a Government Minister.

THERE WILL BE MORE MINISTERS APPOINTED IN MY NEXT POST🤡

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