LLLP INVESTIGATES DEFENCE SPENDING

As a country we have been spending too much money for far too long.   We are living beyond our means.   The additional debt we have run up to pay for Coronapop now makes it imperative that we get a grip on our finances.  So  Prime Minister Bodj who is currently in hiding, has renamed his Chancellor —- Rushi Hasnomoney.    This heralds a new era of realism.

The Last Laugh Looney Party has been asked to review each Government Department’s expenditure and make some common sense changes.    Oh! and save money and have fun doing it.    Normally an investigation like this could take years, but the LLLP will do it in weeks, without the aid of lawyers or politicians.

We will start with the Ministry of Defence because we all want to stay safe.   So for a start, we will start no more wars like we did in Iraq or Afghanistan or Libya.

LLLP  Guiding principles :-

  • Don’t mess with the S A S .
  • Aircraft carriers need planes.
  • Generally there are too many Generals.
  • Real armed forces are armed and on the ground, in the air or at sea.
  • Not in offices in Whitehall overspending budgets by £billions.
  • We should look after veterans and their families, we owe them a debt for doing our fighting for us.

NOW LETS SEE IF WE CAN FIND SOME FACTS  from an MOD Annual Report :-

This is the command structure, which is quite simple really.

Before you start, you have to understand acronyms.   The report is crammed full of them and they are really well paid for having letters after their names :-

  1. CDS. —- Chief of Defence Staff💂‍♂️
  2. TLB   —-Top Level Budget Holders  💂‍♀️💂‍♀️💂‍♀️💂‍♀️+  💂‍♀️DIO 💂‍♀️DNO💂‍♀️HOCS
  3. ALB. —- Arms Length Bodies 👩‍✈️DECA  💂‍♂️DE&S 💂‍♂️Dsel 💂‍♀️OPA 👩‍✈️SDA 💂‍♀️UKHO 👴 Uncle Tom Cobbley
  4. Managed by the 👨🏻‍⚕️DBS, the 🧑‍🎓DIO, the 👨🏻‍⚕️ISS, and the 👮‍♀️MDP
  5. Regulated by the 👮‍♀️DSA and the🧑‍🚒SSRO

     HOW DID WE EVER WIN A WAR WITH THIS LOT .????

I did eventually find some figures albeit only for 2018/19  :-

  • the total budget was £ 350 billion —— roughly a quarter spent on people, a quarter on equipment, about 30% on capital and the rest ( just around £15,ooo,ooo, ooo) on bits and bobs.
  • the remaining 250 pages of coded acronyms and incredibly long sentences that say nothing, are not worth the paper they are printed on.

Between the lines you can see a long tale of programme overruns lasting for years and budget overspends running into £billions.

The Last Laugh Looney Party says 

                   ” WE ARE ARMSLESS AND HARMLESS ! “

So the LLLP recommendation is to bring all our serving troops home and send the Generals with their Whitehall advisers to Syria and Afghanistan to  negotiate a peaceful settlement.   Of course this might take years, but they will be fully equipped with pencils and pens.

So far the LLLP have done a lot of investigating, but not yet saved any money.   Getting to grips with Government Departments is not easy .   The fact is they like spending our money, but they don’t want us to know how they completely fail to control it.

FORECAST :-   Without all  the pen pushers in Whitehall we should be able to save half the budget £ 175 BILLION.

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3 Responses to LLLP INVESTIGATES DEFENCE SPENDING

  1. A little senseless ‘’WIT’!’’
    This morning I have been to the chapel/refuge of my GOD for inspiration? Molly even dares to comment that John has banged the nail hard on the head?
    Now I am at at loss in my school days in the winter at the Ragged Lads school, behind my hand built snow barricade defending the righteous from the unclean, as we throw snowballs at each other hoping to hit one of our opponents in the eye with a classic response {a snowball, without the enclosed stone- this article of attack/defence is not permitted by the ‘’Ragged Lads articles of snowball fights’’ -However some times this happens}.
    Now down to the days news flash as John as leader of the LLLP has pronounced! I have a few questions please?
    1/- Where do the acronym’s come from?
    2/- Where is ‘C’ or is it ‘H’ in his / her Whitehall throne room of MI5 or and is it MI6?
    3/- Is Boris- friend or foe, or the appointed ‘IDIOT’ to waylay the more intelligent investigator into Parliamentary/Government Policies
    4/- Do we still have ‘reds’ under the bed, or a pile of yellow fellow stuff- stinking to high heaven, or are we all wetting the bed with anticipation waiting for ;BREXIT;
    5/- Are we united in the UK or are we individual- Taffs, Geordies, wearsiders, Liverpudlians, Lancastrians. Yorkies, Cider Apple Junkies, kentish men/women or a plain speaking Scot-maybe that Glaswegian from the Gorbbles, or that seaman from the western isles, or orkney and shetland- Knittings rich patterns from Faire Isle knitted with arran wool:: Or again are we a left footer or a right footer, with a sense of humour dour and devisive from Ulster. God Bless us all we all have a vote in the ‘’ westminster house of show offs!!!’’ Vote for the LLLP for sense! Or more sense??
    Now I come to the serious bit[s]/ Do I understand the acronym’s that ‘Dear John alludes too??’ I hope so?
    CDS-
    TLB- Total Load of Balls which may include-[ DIO-director information office-/-DNO- director no opinion-/- HOCS-Help Officer Child support]
    ALB/- A load of Balls-{DECA- the navigation system to show the safe way home @’a ray or beam of hope’@-/-DE&S Decisions edited and substituted-/- Dsel-developed sense enlightenment laughter-/-OPA-/- Old pals act-/- SDA-Shut down all together-/-UKHO-United Kingdom home coming office-/- Uncle tom cobbley- Utter Tosh Crap!}
    All this or these posts are allegedly managed by-/-[ DBS- demented bitch society-/-DIO- demented Idiots Office-/- and then the -/-ISS- Idiots standards society, and -/-MDP- Doctor Of Parliament ( your own our own MP’s)
    The financial rewards and taxes appear irrelevant at this time of Corona Virus, as stated we are all in the batternburgh coloured transport, with the men in white coats, being discharge and conveyed against our will to the local ‘loonnie bin’
    Hello to my fellow inmate/ reader.
    Can I push a pen? Sorry I have no red ink for sane comments.
    Did I win my snowball fight, ?? No the weather melted the ammunition/snow.

  2. Hello i forgot the acronym-CDS, I assumed that was the chief of defence staff? OR IS IT SOMETHING ELSE ‘Viz’- Chaplin defending ”SATAN”

  3. I have been negligent, and as an IDIOT forgotten who all the above was regulated by? In my ignorance I thought is was Boris through ‘AUNTIE’ as he accosts and assaults the government? But wait we had better acknowledge ‘Auntie ‘ in her times of trouble?? What say you? Although this may be the uttering s of a LLLP Idiot!
    DSA- Do Not speak aloud!
    SSRO Save Souls recruiting Officer

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