As a country we have been spending too much money for far too long. We are living beyond our means. The additional debt we have run up to pay for Coronapop now makes it imperative that we get a grip on our finances. So Prime Minister Bodj who is currently in hiding, has renamed his Chancellor —- Rushi Hasnomoney. This heralds a new era of realism.
The Last Laugh Looney Party has been asked to review each Government Department’s expenditure and make some common sense changes. Oh! and save money and have fun doing it. Normally an investigation like this could take years, but the LLLP will do it in weeks, without the aid of lawyers or politicians.
We will start with the Ministry of Defence because we all want to stay safe. So for a start, we will start no more wars like we did in Iraq or Afghanistan or Libya.
LLLP Guiding principles :-
- Don’t mess with the S A S .
- Aircraft carriers need planes.
- Generally there are too many Generals.
- Real armed forces are armed and on the ground, in the air or at sea.
- Not in offices in Whitehall overspending budgets by £billions.
- We should look after veterans and their families, we owe them a debt for doing our fighting for us.
NOW LETS SEE IF WE CAN FIND SOME FACTS from an MOD Annual Report :-
This is the command structure, which is quite simple really.
Before you start, you have to understand acronyms. The report is crammed full of them and they are really well paid for having letters after their names :-
- CDS. —- Chief of Defence Staff💂♂️
- TLB —-Top Level Budget Holders 💂♀️💂♀️💂♀️💂♀️+ 💂♀️DIO 💂♀️DNO💂♀️HOCS
- ALB. —- Arms Length Bodies 👩✈️DECA 💂♂️DE&S 💂♂️Dsel 💂♀️OPA 👩✈️SDA 💂♀️UKHO 👴 Uncle Tom Cobbley
- Managed by the 👨🏻⚕️DBS, the 🧑🎓DIO, the 👨🏻⚕️ISS, and the 👮♀️MDP
- Regulated by the 👮♀️DSA and the🧑🚒SSRO
HOW DID WE EVER WIN A WAR WITH THIS LOT .????
I did eventually find some figures albeit only for 2018/19 :-
- the total budget was £ 350 billion —— roughly a quarter spent on people, a quarter on equipment, about 30% on capital and the rest ( just around £15,ooo,ooo, ooo) on bits and bobs.
- the remaining 250 pages of coded acronyms and incredibly long sentences that say nothing, are not worth the paper they are printed on.
Between the lines you can see a long tale of programme overruns lasting for years and budget overspends running into £billions.
The Last Laugh Looney Party says
” WE ARE ARMSLESS AND HARMLESS ! “
So the LLLP recommendation is to bring all our serving troops home and send the Generals with their Whitehall advisers to Syria and Afghanistan to negotiate a peaceful settlement. Of course this might take years, but they will be fully equipped with pencils and pens.
So far the LLLP have done a lot of investigating, but not yet saved any money. Getting to grips with Government Departments is not easy . The fact is they like spending our money, but they don’t want us to know how they completely fail to control it.
FORECAST :- Without all the pen pushers in Whitehall we should be able to save half the budget £ 175 BILLION.