Useless Eustace

The Government are beginning to look ahead to the blue sky of the future beyond Coronapop and Brexit.     The land of milk and honey just over the horizon.

The first appointed spokesman to bring some cheer to farmers everywhere is a happy little fruit farmer from Cornwall, who also happens to be the Secretary of State for the Department of Environment, Food and Rural Affaires.   The Honourable George Eustace MP.    ( I wrote about George in a earlier blog which you can find in the Archive – 16 August 2020 ).
I suggested that his Department be scrapped in order to save £2.1 billion since most of our food was imported.   Obviously George didn’t agree with me and has come back with a counter proposal to spend an extra £2.4 billion !

George is not too bothered about food, he is more interested in re-wilding the countryside.    His subsidies  will go toward planting more trees, millions of them, maybe even zillions.   An Amazon forest in the heart of England.    Then there are the sparrows to think about – 13 million of them have been wiped out in the last 10 years.   George is really upset about the sparrows.   He has plans to protect the hedges and get the sparrows back and the hedgehogs and field mice.    Oh! And red squirrels and a few family friendly wolves.

But, the  best and most innovative aspect of George’s Grand Plan is to use beavers to build dams all along our rivers to stop them flooding everywhere.   “This is free labour and I am sure it will work”, George told the BBC.

Unfortunately George forgot that farming is about food, but at least the wild animals will be happy, while we all starve in a re-wilder nature reserve !

P.S.     Watch out George, it is just a matter of time before an animal rights group decides that this will be slavery for beavers and asks for beavers to be included in the Modern Slavery Act …. or at least be paid the National Minimum Wage for their damming work.

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4 Responses to Useless Eustace

  1. Bingo, sex again on the menu fruits and beavers, our politician’s are wrapped up in the womb of power, Westminster.?
    As for the sparrows feeding in the hedgerows, the rt. Honourable Goerge may have to wonder where his christmas turkey may come from, the news this week in this part of the UK has been about the mass culling of the turkeys all bound for the christmas marketsl.
    Corvvid-19 is having a “POP” at us all??

  2. We plough the fields and scatter the good seed on the land? So this ancient and modern hymn goes? As does Boris say in his evening supper in Brussels, note the “sprout reference to Brussels” as he slices his way though the main course fishing for desert?? I just wonder what the toast was proposed as in his In a jar of ” Strongarm bitter”? Or was it a ” pale ale from belgium? It is all in the taste and company that is kept??
    Keel haul the lot of them, we wish no pirates here, just honourable citizens of Europe!!

  3. Well todays comic the “Daily Mail” on its inside pages has a few columns on the telephone compamy Huawei and its progress into face recognition for big brother? What does this mean for all those holders of a mobile phone with an rebuilt camera facility??? Are we reporting to the Cheltenham Donut? Or the Chinese pagoda in Peking??
    How to feel wanted and loved???

  4. Well well well!!! We as citizens of the UK and NI wait with bated breath to see and hear the results of BODJ, and his team for the current climatic talks on ” BREXIT”, what do we do???
    Here on grumbles and smiles, i may go away in the passion wagon, the green and yellow baternburg van, with a crew of three chaps or chappesses dressed in white coats, with a police escort, eager to take us and the LLLP TO A RETREAT for the insane or should i say mentally disturbed- quack quack, quackers!!!
    I trust by the time we have received our Corvid-19. jab we will all be of sound mind singing oild lang sine, and dreaming of things to come, in the new year. Happy hogmanay to our readers!!!

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