The Government are beginning to look ahead to the blue sky of the future beyond Coronapop and Brexit. The land of milk and honey just over the horizon.
The first appointed spokesman to bring some cheer to farmers everywhere is a happy little fruit farmer from Cornwall, who also happens to be the Secretary of State for the Department of Environment, Food and Rural Affaires. The Honourable George Eustace MP. ( I wrote about George in a earlier blog which you can find in the Archive – 16 August 2020 ).
I suggested that his Department be scrapped in order to save £2.1 billion since most of our food was imported. Obviously George didn’t agree with me and has come back with a counter proposal to spend an extra £2.4 billion !
George is not too bothered about food, he is more interested in re-wilding the countryside. His subsidies will go toward planting more trees, millions of them, maybe even zillions. An Amazon forest in the heart of England. Then there are the sparrows to think about – 13 million of them have been wiped out in the last 10 years. George is really upset about the sparrows. He has plans to protect the hedges and get the sparrows back and the hedgehogs and field mice. Oh! And red squirrels and a few family friendly wolves.
But, the best and most innovative aspect of George’s Grand Plan is to use beavers to build dams all along our rivers to stop them flooding everywhere. “This is free labour and I am sure it will work”, George told the BBC.
Unfortunately George forgot that farming is about food, but at least the wild animals will be happy, while we all starve in a re-wilder nature reserve !
P.S. Watch out George, it is just a matter of time before an animal rights group decides that this will be slavery for beavers and asks for beavers to be included in the Modern Slavery Act …. or at least be paid the National Minimum Wage for their damming work.