Prime Minister Bodj has had a hard time of it in the last two Coronapop years. After his great success with Brexit he has slowly slipped down the popularity polls. An ungrateful electorate has lost him two bi-elections and the media are relentless in their criticism of his wallpaper and the occasional Christmas party. Half the people want more lockdowns and the other half don’t. Some want masks and just as many don’t. Everybody wants more money but nobody wants to pay for it.
Last, but certainly not least there is Coronapop, which just won’t go away. When you get on top of one virus variant, another pops up. The scientists will be running out of the Greek alphabet before they are finished.
So Bodj has decided that enough is enough. What he needs is to bring back the Last Laugh Looney Party to help him with some new ideas for a New Year Revolution.
Ideas that will cement Boris in power for the next decade or two, but not up two 2050 when the climate might have got a bit too hot for comfort.
Firstly, to deal with Coronapop. All people who are not fully vaccinated and boosted, who get the bug, will be sent to a new nightingale pop-up hospital on the Isle of People ( formally called the Isle of Man ) It will be staffed by the NHS doctors and nurses who have refused to have the jab. If the patients recover they can return to the mainland after sixteen negative tests, providing they wear a face-mask for 12 months and don’t get closer than two meters to anyone.
Secondly, we have the Scottish problem. The solution is simple. Redraw the national boundaries so that all of the mainland and almost all of the Islands are redefined as English counties. Just leaving Rockall as Scotland, which will be freely granted independence without the need for a referendum. Lady Nicola and all her SNP MP’s will be free to rejoin the EU. A happy coincidence is that Bodj will have less opposition MP’s in parliament.
The third big issue facing Bodj is “levelling up”, whatever that means. But added to that is ” illegal immigration”, which Pretty Useless has completely failed to stop. Fortunately the LLLP has an answer to both issues in one move. All migrants will be welcome to stay if instead of landing at Dover, they can navigate their inflatables to the country formally known as Scotland. On arrival they will be granted provisional citizenship and given a ”digging ” job. After one year of digging or 100 tons they will be granted full citizenship and the right to vote for Bodj.
Digging tasks will include planting ten million trees and levelling down some of the highest mountains. Bodj thinks this will help raise the average level of the rest of the UK. The incentive to keep digging is that Bodj has spread a rumour that ”There is gold in them there hills”, which may or may not be true.
So there we have it.
Coronapop contained. The SNP vanquished. Immigration solved and the country levelled up.
Another Bodj masterstroke !