GrumbleSmiles

Tony Blair when he was Prime Minister said his top priority was education, education, education. Then he all but abolished grammar schools. The Conservative/ Liberal Democrat government that followed then proceeded to introduce University fees and burden young people with a debt ridden start to adult life. Now we have a new generation of woke teachers, who have forgotten about teaching reading, writing and arithmetic.

The Looney Education policy is radically different and takes politicians out of the picture. All children at the age of three will be given a free tablet and then encouraged to navigate their own educational path through life. Lord knows where they will end up, but it couldn’t be any more haphazard than the current system.

Mentors will spring up everywhere, many of them former school teachers or university staff. They will be able to charge for their support, but they will have to prove their worth to their students. They will of course be able to work from home, just like so many other public sector workers, but of course they won’t have a furlough scheme to pay them.

Meanwhile schools will be repurposed —- more in the next post.

Universities will be much smaller and just be hubs for learning. The days of lecturers on cushy salaries and Vice Principals earning more than the Prime Minister are over.

Tablets will give access to education for everyone everywhere.

University grants will be abolished and the £millions returned to the taxpayers. Students can pay their own way if they wish. I doubt there will be many who want to pay £30,000 for a Micky mouse degree.

The Department of Education annual budget exceeds £100 billion and after paying for the free tablets and free school meals, most of the billions can be used to pay off the student loans. This will encourage lots of young people to vote for the LAST LAUGH LOONEY PARTY 🤡🤡🤡🤡

Every recent Government has promised to build around 300,000 new homes a year. None has got anywhere near this target. Meanwhile the UK population is growing by over1.5 million people a year, mainly because of immigration. The result is higher and higher house prices, but there is also a shortage of rented accommodation.

Mr Stammer is promising, if he is elected, to build 1.5 million homes in the next five years. He needs a daft idea and the Last Laugh Looney Party can help.

Looney Housing Carousels take up far less land and probably can be modified to provide free power to the home owners. They will however have to work from home most of the time, because they will only touch ground a few times a day🤡

Looney Bungalows can be mass produced in the hundreds of disused car factories. They will then be dropped carefully onto brownfield sites and unused railway lines and unused airport runways. This just one of the benefits of the travel restrictions required to meet our much reduced carbon footprint🤡

The LAST LAUGH LOONEY PARTY thinks this will solve all our housing problems.

To make everyone feel safer the first LOONEY SECURITY idea was to give everyone a personal robot policeman. This would put an extra 65,000,000 police men/ women on the beat. Unfortunately this would be a bit expensive and didn’t meet the LLLP requirement to be fully costed and fully funded. So the idea was quickly dropped.

The next big LOONEY SECURITY idea was to have cameras everywhere. On every tree, lamppost, road sign and telegraph pole. There would also have to be a swarm of drone cameras crisscrossing the sky to ensure there were no blind spots. The cameras would be equipped with automatic face recognition and linked to the police national data base so they would know where you are at all times.

Sadly not all the camera images worked very well, particularly at night, when most burglars are out and about.

The cameras were also going to be strapped to every cat, dog and pidgin, but the RSPCA objected on the grounds that it would infringe their animal rights. So LOONEY PET POLICE never took off, which was a great disappointment to Coco who was raring to go.

Ever since Covid the NHS has been swamped by increasing demands on the service. The situation has been made worse by a series of strikes over pay by nurses, junior doctors, consultants and ambulance services. The only ones who aren’t striking are the thousands of admin staff, who are well paid, over resourced and probably “working from home”.

Courtesy of AI your personal Health Robot will perform blood tests; carry out monthly MRI scans; do eye and hearing tests annually and of course Covid tests and instant follow up vaccinations. They will also dish out loads of pills🤡

As a result of your examination you will, if required, be booked in to an AI hospital entirely staffed by robots. Minor surgery will be entirely carried out by surgeon robots, who will talk you through what you have to do. Major operations will also be done by registrar robots controlled remotely by human surgeons “working from home “.

It will be a 24 hour AI HEALTH SERVICE, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. This will eliminate waiting lists altogether, indeed with predictive AI many people will be operated on before they need it🤡

It is all fully costed and will be paid for by no longer needing thousands and thousands of NHS staff. In future they will be able to strike whenever they like and stay “home not working”.

GP’s who certainly didn’t want to see you at home and couldn’t book you in for an appointment until you were better, can now all emigrate to Australia; which they were always threatening to do🤡

The LAST LAUGH LOONEY PARTY is fed up with everybody being endlessly fed up with everything. In the run up to the rapidly approaching general election the electorate needs a vision of a better life for everyone. No more politicians unfulfilled promises. No more jam tomorrow. We want what we want and we want it now!

So the LLLP has launched a mew manifesto which is fully costed and will offer people everything they could ever want. Who wouldn’t vote for that ?

THE LLLP ENDLESSLY EVERYTHING MISSION

• FREE PERSONALISED AI HEALTH CARE.
• FREE DRIVERLESS ELECTRIC CARS FOR ALL ADULTS OVER 11.
• SAFTY AND SECURITY ASSURED BY LLLP CAMERAS EVERYWHERE.
• A HOME FOR EVERYONE.
• FREE SCHOOL MEALS FOR EVERYONE, INCLUDING OLDER PEOPLE.
• EDUCATION, EDUCATION, EDUCATION ON A TABLET.
• NO TAXES FOR ANYONE EARNING LESS THAN £100,000 A YEAR.

This will all be done in the LAST LAUGH LOONEY PARTY’s first term in office.

On the eve of the local elections the Last Laugh Looney Party has a vote winner for elections in the future, including the General Election.

The idea came from thinking about the Local Authority elections that take place today. Who on earth do you vote for? Unless it’s the LLLP. Will it change anything? The answer is probably NO!

There are over 300 Local Authorities and all bar 38 are in debt!

• Why? Because they are living beyond their means.
• Why? Because Central government gives them responsibilities, but not the power to pay for them.
• Why? Because the majority of Authorities are run by Councillors who muddle their role with Party politics.
• Why? Because they don’t think outside the box!

So what’s the LLLP GREAT IDEA?

Well the two biggest problems for LA ‘s are their responsibility for looking after vulnerable old people and children. About 50% of their budget is spent on this and the need is growing all the time. What’s more, the service delivery is often not very good. Many vulnerable older people are lonely and isolated. Equally worrying are children at risk through poverty or lack of care and support.

The answer is LAUGHING GRANNIES and LOONEY GRANDPAS matched up with vulnerable children.

It sounds daft. It is daft. But it just might work!

The LAUGHING GRANNIES could provide chid care for young children and focus on improving social skills and reading and writing. Periodically the GRANNIES could get together with other GRANNIES and hold parties with lots of cakes and fizzy pop.

The LOONEY GRANDPA ‘s could look after the more boisterous children. They could take them on long walks in the country or on adventurous bus trips with their free bus passes. Or they could just go jumping in puddles🤡

The ultimate focus for the GRANNIES, GRANDPA’S and children is to have fun. All at minimal cost to the Local Authority. Just expenses for the cakes and pop.

The Local election results were a great success for the Last Laugh Looney Party. Their “PotHole Policy” proved a vote winner. They were elected in 100% of the seats in every Local Authority. Unfortunately in most places only one third of the seats were up for election, so the LLLP only gained overall control in a few councils.

So what happened next?

Where they had overall control the LLLP immediately initiated their “PotHole Policy”. A few staff didn’t turn up for work and were in a whole lot of trouble and were dismissed. The rest didn’t find the work too hard and were amazed and delighted when people came out and clapped them. They were back in the office in a week and ready for the next fun task. More later…..

Most of the Councils still had a majority of councillors from the traditional political parties, with no fresh ideas. Nonetheless they were shaken by the dramatic success of the LLLP in the election. So they carried on in their old ways. Meantime the LLLP councillors kept banging on about potholes at every opportunity by raising points of order at each council meeting. The general public kept ringing the council and reporting more potholes.

Where the Conservatives were in control, they were worried about the LLLP’s success and decided to steal their idea and adopt a new “ Build better roads” publicity campaign. They are strong on P.R. but they are not so good at following up with action. Sadly they didn’t fill in many holes, but they blamed that on budget constraints. I wouldn’t fancy their chances at the next election. They are going to regret every one of those unfulfilled potholes🤡

Labour lead Councils thought the LLLP craze would soon fade away, so they didn’t bother with the potholes. They were also concerned about the trade union objections to office staff having to do manual work. They also felt that if more staff could work from home they cold avoid the potholes. There are now 15,000 holes in Labour lead Blackburn and their telephone lines are permanently jammed 🤡. They definitely need a more holistic approach !

Quite a few Labour councillors are defecting to the Last Laugh Looney Party after seeing the local election results. Now they are saying that they always wanted to filll in more potholes, it was Mr Stammer that held them back. Mr Stammer was intending to look into potholes, ever since his friend Jeremiah Corbit told him about his hobby of photographing manhole covers. Now Mr Stammer has appointed a Royal Commission to examine who is making all the potholes. Is it anything to do with climate change? Or could it be fracking? The Royal Commission will report back in 2035.

The LLLP decided to enhance their appeal to voters in the upcoming local elections with some fun and incentives to get people to go out and vote. Still focussed on their “ PotHole Policy”.

It appears to the LLLP that the Local Authority staff don’t know where all the potholes are. So before the election the LLLP wants people to ring the Council and report potholes. Of course this may flood the local authority with calls; but at least they will know the scale of the issue. Remember 10,000 holes in Blackburn, Lancashire 🤡

After the election the Local Authority staff will have one week to fill in all the reported potholes. So they will need to get on with it straight away. No time for debates about elf& safety; no hard hats; no high viz jackets. LA staff in their normal office clothes repairing holes in the road should be fairly obvious🤡 No doubt the electorate will wish to come out on the street and give them a clap.

After the first week if anyone finds and reports a pothole in their council area they will get a £100 finding fee, which will be taken off their Council Tax bill. The highly paid Chief Executive and Directors will personally fill in all the late reported potential holes.

That should teach them a lesson about local politics !

So what’s next ? 🤡