End of a holiday, sitting by the pool, all books read, no English newspapers, soaking up the last of the sun’s rays before leaving for home. Using up the last can of coke from the oversized, big enough to keep a polar bear in fridge.
I resort to reading the label on the empty can. Sad but someone has to do it. It might as well be me given my life of small print and packaging. Besides, I have already had to buy a magnifying glass to read the tourist information 🙂
Let’s start with the brand label “Diet Coke”. So immediately I’m going to lose weight – that’s good for a start. Always providing I don’t eat too many Fritto Lay Crisps while I am guzzling the coke. But I guess the Coca Cola Company doesn’t accept responsibility for contingent liabilities or collateral or consequential damage.
Now let’s look at the nutritional facts:-
This can contains – 0 calories; 0 fat; 0 carbohydrate; 0 protein and just 40 grammes of sodium which it says is VERY LOW. Almost makes you wonder what you’re paying for? And the sodium probably explains why I am eating all these crisps. I wonder if the Coca Cola Company owns the Fritto Lay Company, then my weight gain really would be collateral damage and I could sue for misrepresentation. The nutritional information goes on to say “not a significant source of Fat Cal, Sat Fat, Trans Fat…….” So what’s all this around my waist line? Sounds like Coca Cola Inc is saying “nothing to do with me Guv, honest”. “…….no cholesterol, fibres, sugars, vitamin A, vitamin C, calcium, iron”. So that confirms it, coke is a swizz.
But why doesn’t it say it contains “no plasma, no pepper, no vitamin x, no steel” and what about “No Whale Meat”, no protected animals, no ivory, nothing sourced from rain forests and no endangered species whatsoever.
Maybe Coca Cola’s secret ingredient does contain some of these things. What are they trying to hide. Perhaps at the same time of suing them for misrepresentation about my weight gain, I could also sue them under the freedom of information act and get them to divulge to me their secret formula.
PAUSE HERE FOR A FEW MORE CRISPS
Now I get to look at all the other ingredients which I assume must all add up to zero.
Carbonated water – surprise, surprise, 99% of what I am drinking is water.
Caramel colour – I wonder what colour coke would be without this – probably translucent.
Natural flavours – thank goodness there are no unnatural flavours.
Phosphoric acid – Isn’t that what used to burst into flame when you took it out of water at school? What’s that going to do to my stomach?
Potassium benzoate – All the kids and me need a chemistry degree to understand this one. It sounds like you should put in it your car fuel tank!
Sucralose, Acesulfame, Potassium, caffeine, Citric Acid – I give up 😦 who on earth really expects anyone to understand all this.