There is a new Must-watch soap opera on the box every day. It has wiped all its competitors off the screen by requiring them to social distance and isolate all actors over 70.
So now we have a fresh group of characters who could be scooping up all the British TV awards this year. The initial problem is that they were largely unknown to the general public, before Coronapop came along and threw them into the limelight. Previous appearances were limited to the BBC parliamentary channel, which only extremely bored people watch on rainy days.
Obviously everyone knows the main star – Bodj – from his celebrated performance hanging off a zip line at the Olympics several years ago. He only had small parts after that as Foreign Secretary in Mrs MaybeMaybenot’s Cabinet.
Now as Prime Minister Bodj, he is still playing the role of court jester, as he announces a new strategy every day in the fight against CORONAPOP.
The supporting characters are less well known. Here are some of the emerging “stars”:-
- Health Minister – Doormatt Handwash – who only has one pink tie, praises everyone endlessly, feels grief for everyone who has passed away and everyone of their relatives and always looks like a rabbit in the headlights.
- Money man – Richie Havesomemoney – who just loves to give away £billions and make people happy.
- Slippery Micky Grave —- Right about all the things he is not responsible for and solidly behind his colleagues, until he is not.
- Dominic Draab —- who finds no difficulty living up to his name.
- Pretty Hopeless —- assertively, angry about everything, but important —self-important.
- Happysnaps. Transport Minister —- who just seems happy to be here now that all the transport has been stopped in its tracks.
- Gav “the child” who talks like a preacher at a temperance meeting and will grow up when he leaves school.
- Whitty twins — two conjoined grey suited grey people who are expert at saying nothing and making it look intelligent.
- Jenny “um” — who is a nurse or a scientist or both, but who displays her uncertainty by prefacing every thought with an “um””)
- The cameo extras — these are anonymous cardboard cut-out experts, who are rolled in occasionally to divert attention to their specialist subjects — policing, health & safety, testing or not testing. They rarely speak and nobody asks them questions.
- Dom the puppet master — the backstage director, who never knows if he is cummings or going.
It is a low budget production with just three props —- three lecterns for the daily sermon, which are bulletproof and reflect questions automatically, with advertising slogans for the would-be shogans..
Audience participation is provided by a gaggle of irritable journalists, whose every question is tinged with vitriol hoping for tomorrow’s headline. They zoom in and out, with the on /off button controlled by the politician of the day. Sometimes if they ask an especially hard question, they are never seen again🤡
The 5 o’clock time slot used to be called children’s hour, which is probably why they talk to us like children.
SEE NEXT WEEKS THRILLING EPISODE, WHEN CORONAPOP RIDES AGAIN!