In my last blog on this subject (click on “Easy Money” in the TAG CLOUD), I was endeavouring to repay my part of the national debt, by securing some newly printed Quantitative Easing money. To be prudent, which is something we all learned from Gordon Brown, I decided to ask for more than I needed. Just like all the banks did.
Now I turn to the problem of how I might wisely invest the surplus £960,000 that I would have after the rigorous economic stress testing and one-eye-open, all-you-can-learn-in-a-minute, due diligence.
Perhaps I should start by listening to those helpful, totally independent, banking financial advisors. They have all sorts of wonderous tax-free, low-risk, high-return, investment plans. They point out that they may start off with high risks and low returns, but could …… (and they emphasise “COULD” to protect their independence and integrity)…..so could, but probably will ……. (unless there is a financial calamity which is unlikely)….. so will then, have an almost guaranteed high return….by 2020 or sooner. That’s where the “kick out” clause comes in. The one where you get kicked out before the investment plan becomes too generous.
Finally, there is the 40-page contract which it took their 400 lawyers 4 years to draw up in order to guarantee their independence, integrity and incomprehensibility. All you have to do is sign and hand over your hard-earned Quantitative Easings. Sadly, as my 40 no-win, no-fee lawyers weren’t around to advise me, and I could not understand a word of what had been said. Even though I accepted their advice was independent, I decided not to pursue this avenue to financial success.
So in the meantime, after I have helped pay off the National debt, I maybe should pour some of my newly printed, newly found wealth into the black hole of borrowings, otherwise known as the British economy. My new found friend, Mr Mervyn King, says that he has been doing it for a while now and its just a matter of time before things come right for Britain. So below is a cartoon of Mr King and myself discussing our shredded economy.
After all, I am nearly a quantitative eased millionaire so it would be a shame to fritter it all away.