Fat Lot of Good!

The latest daft idea to come out of the NHS strategic think tank 😀

Not before time the NHS is stepping up its campaign against obesity.    NHS England’s great idea in their fight against the nations gluttony epidemic is to ban bumper chocolate bars from all the shops and vending machines in hospitals.   It obviously has not occurred to them that people might by two small bars instead !

However, they have  thought deeply about this new policy  and just in case visitors might be tempted to circumvent this excellent initiative they will have to be strip searched as they enter the hospital.    They will be allowed to bring in a banana, an apple, an orange, grapes and a carrot.    This fits with their earlier great healthy eating program of FIVE pieces of fruit a day.

If this doesn’t work they are already planning the next even bolder step.   Banning food altogether !   This is estimated to save the NHS over £ 2.4 billion a year even after the redundancy costs of letting go of all the catering staff.   Fortunately, they anticipated this possibility and contracted out the catering service several years ago.

This imaginative approach by NHS England has also begun another train of management thought.   The  cleaver new gimmick of “STEP” ( Strategic Thinking Exercise Program).    Under the fight against gluttony, all patients will be expected to get out of bed each day and complete a rehabilitation exercise program.   They will be given a mop and bucket and be required to clean the wards and hospital corridors (being careful to mop around the patients waiting on trolleys).    The FAGSTEP program has been calculated to provide at least another £1.3 billion in savings.

Many of us will not realise just how far-thinking our NHS England leaders are.  They anticipate that once it is fully rolled out, not only will they have saved £ billions,but many patients will wish to discharge themselves early to avoid starvation, thus solving the bed blocking problem !

All from banning a bumper chocolate bar 😀

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1 Response to Fat Lot of Good!

  1. I have slipped on my banana skins, and puffed my way though ‘FAGSTEP’ with my ciggy, or should I say my weed, part of my veggie diet, for the infirmed with smoke to inhale and be glad of the smoke screens, and wonderous dreams of what can be?
    I just wonder who these thinkers are?? who pays for them, who does all the research for them, and complies it it to ” little Gems’ [Now there a snack].
    This all costs a dollar or two, or should i say a pound or two [lost weight- for those on a diet-loosing weight through insufficent good wholesome meals like sausage and mash, with a good ‘Fart’ after eight {Another treat}]

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