I have been surfing around looking for welfare benefits solutions for what seems like an age. So this weekend I am going to have a break and write about some thing different.
Ever since the Last Laugh Looney Party has been at the Cabinet table it has been having more and more influence on Government policy. There has not been a better example than last weeks announcement by the new Transport Minister —- Mr Jo Johnson. He is the younger brother of Boris, who is also well known for progressive Looney ideas.
Jo Jo has only been in office for six weeks and already he has gone a long way to solving a major crisis. One most of us didn’t know we had! The railways, or more precisely the devastating environmental scourge of carbon particle pollution from diesel trains. I must admit it has given me many sleepless nights, thinking about carbon particle pollution. What is even more worrying is that we live close to a railway and those particles might be blowing in any time the north wind blows. I may have to ware a mask until Jo Jo has sorted the trains out. I will also contact my ever-helpful no-win no-fee lawyer.
Jo Jo has decreed that such filthly trains will be banned almost overnight — or at least by 2040. Well, —-he hopes by then — or maybe later. Trains are always late anyway!
The new policy was kicked off with a speech at the British Museum full of all the latest political buzz words, straight out of the LLLP Political Speech Handbook :-
- “ There is no new funding needed for the policy” —- a very clever move which guarantees it will be supported and also that it won’t happen.
- “A vision for how it will decarbonise” — we used to use chimney sweeps for this, but they have been swept away
- “Use more bi-mode trains” — you can never get enough of these, even if nobody knows what they are.
- “A bridging technology to other low emission futures” —- it is probably a good idea to have a few bridges in any new railway policy.
Jo Jo, like his brother, has obviously learned a lot from the Last Laugh Looney Party. It is a good idea to have dates which are so far away that no-one will remember what you said when the time comes around to deliver a result. Litter your speeches with technical jargon that nobody will understand, which will make you look very clever. Finally get yourself all over the news papers which will raise your profile, when nobody knows who you are, or what on earth you are talking about.
Who knows Jo Jo could be the first Last Laugh Looney Prime Minister in …… 2040 😀