Take the money or open the box

James Dyson must have been a fan of the old TV quiz game “Take your Pick”.  We bought one of his acclaimed cyclone vacuum cleaners today but did not realise that unwrapping the box the vacuum cleaner came in would be such a challenge.

Step 1      Instructions on how to open the box are on top of the box.  First instruction, lay the box on its side.  Now I can’t see the instructions any more.

Step 2.     Flip the lid – no mention of the crow bar required.

Step 3.     Lift the monster out of the box – be sure your lifting certificate is up to date.

Step 4.     Carefully dispose of the unnecessary polythene bag inside the box – it’s a danger to babies and children – it says so in English / French / German / Italian / Spanish / Chinese.  If it’s that dangerous, why use it?       And certainly don’t speak any other language.

Step 5.     The user guide – also in polythene with a warning in even more languages – some unsuspecting Russian must have put their head in this one.

The good news is the guide is only 10 pages long – the bad news is that the writing is so small you need a microscope to read the instructions.  Nice pictures though.

At this stage I still have not got our new toy off the floor!  It won’t stand up.      Ah! Remove the polystyrene      and some purple bits in a bag with another warning that I will look at later.

Still on step 5!  The user guide page 2, assembly instructions.  Yippee.      First, close the wand cap cover – what’s the wand cap?      I should have read page 1 – it’s a list of all the goodies in the box – wand cap / cable winder / cyclone release catch / shroud (worrying) / sole plate (no fish included) / airway inspection u-bend (must be something to do with those plastic bags).  It’s a pity the small print stopped me getting the Degree in Engineering I am going to need to operate this supersonic thing.


Back to step 5!  Slide the hose into the runners – what hose?  Must be the one still in the bottom of the box.  Oh! and there is the wand.       No Paul Daniels included!  The wand has extra cardboard wrapping complete with impossible to undo cellotape.      Careful with the scissors (also not included).  Perhaps they should have used magic tape around the wand.  Surprise, surprise, attached to the wand (with a plastic tie that needs the scissors again     ) is a QUICK START booklet.

Two hours ago this would have been very useful – no words, just pictures of how to assemble the beast in 3 EASY CLICKS.

What a pity they were packed in the bottom of the box.

Next time Mr Dyson “I will take the money”.  Now I’ll get rid of all the packaging, have a cup of tea and maybe then and will feel up to opening the purple bits in the plastic bags.

And finally, maybe when I get to bed, I will have time to read the little book given away free with every purchase “The Story of Dyson” – the man who likes to make things work better!

p.s.  If you still need help, ring the Dyson Customer Helpline – the number is on the back page of the user guide.  Just find your magnifying glass first!


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4 Responses to Take the money or open the box

  1. david evans says:

    Best cartoon I have found so far on this website!!!!!!
    Can’t afford a fancy Dyson hoover so avoided the unpackaging problem.

  2. john graham says:

    I had so much fun writing this post it has to be my favourite fun blog of the year.
    the frustration of unwrapping the packaging was more than offset by the enjoyment of writing about it.
    To top it off, the cartoon that Tom did is without doubt the best blogtoon of the year! Captures my sentiments exactly at the time.

  3. Enid Dallard says:

    I have not got a hoover the girls do it for me 🙂

  4. Pingback: LLLP Brexit Packaging Negotiatons | GrumbleSmiles

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