I had a frustrating day yesterday – making phone calls to no-one who was in, just b****y voice mail!; typing an e-mail which then I accidentally deleted before I could send it!! Finally, when I wanted to print a report, I ran out of paper half way through!!!
Still, an easy day today, looking forward to an enjoyable afternoon of wood-turning. Started the day doing my Tai Chi outside in the garden to get me all relaxed and ready.
Just need to pop in to stationers, should not take long – it’s almost on my way. Staples surely won’t tie me down for long. As I walk through the door, I enter a bureaucrat’s emporium – a warehouse full of paper – my goodness the Amazon Forest has come to Northampton. The impulse buy near the entrance is envelopes on “special offer”. I must need some of them but here’s the first problem:-
- Do I need gummed ones, self-seal ones or peel and seal ones – does self seal mean you have to seal them yourself?
- What size do I need – C4 / C5 / C6
- What does “C” stand for and why isn’t it “E” for envelope
- What happened to “A” and “B”
- Now I’ve found “DL – what?????
A few more choices:-
- With a window or without a window?
- Pack of 25 / 50 / 100 or a whole box of unknown number?
- Basket weave – whatever that is – it must be on the wrong shelf
I eventually decide not to bother!
The impulse seems to have disappeared
Now onto the paper I came for. Oh dear! Bit of a choice here about a mile of shelving stacked so high you would need a telescope to see what is on the top shelves – providing it’s not a cloudy day that is. I know exactly what I want – just a pack of A4 copier paper but life is not that simple in the Staples Emporium – I need to pass an “A” level in stationery first:-
- What is bigger – 500 sheets or a ream?
Whatever happened to diaries with all that useless information inside? And anyway you can never find your diary when you need it !
- Do I need 80 gram, 90 gram, 135 gram?
Who says size doesn’t matter, certainly not Mr Staples?
- Now the big question, what type of paper do I need?
- Sample paper – presumably you can bring it back later
- Office paper – where else would you use it?
- Multi-use paper – perhaps you can use this for fish & chips
- “All in one paper” – maybe there is a giant sheet inside with enough space for everything you would ever want to write about
- Now the final and most important exam question of all. How to save the world in the midst of this fallen Amazonian Forest. What Eco paper do I buy?
- Ecologically friendly – as opposed to paper that tell you off when you use it
- Recycled paper – I guest this comes with words already typed on it – maybe you write between the lines
- Eco-logical “Give a tree a name” – presumably before you cut it down
Hopelessly failing my “A” level in paper, I buy the cheapest and leave.