“Pelican Crossings are too fast for the elderly”

The Government will shortly be introducing athletics training for old people in the run-up to the next Olympic Games.  It is not that they expect many people to compete in Rio de Janeiro  in 2016 – the Department of Transport just wants old people to cross the road faster!

A study by Age UK and the International Longevity Centre, found that many older people walk at less than one metre per second.   However, the Department of Transport assumes that the little green man on pelican crossings walks at 1.2 metres per second. OOPS!!

This road crossing standard was set in 1950 when there was slower traffic and faster old people around.  Now it appears that old people are not just blocking NHS beds, they are clogging up the road system as well.

The Prime Minister has announced that this situation can’t continue and a compulsory national “Speed Up At 60” training programme will be launched in an effort to keep the traffic moving.  In future all older people over 60 will be subjected to a walking test every year and those that don’t pass will be banned from crossing roads.  The Government thinks this will significantly reduce the number of accidents and improve congestion in our cities.  It is also anticipated that the increased exercise will reduce hospital admissions.  This would seem to be a win, win situation for everyone, especially the little green man.

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3 Responses to “Pelican Crossings are too fast for the elderly”

  1. Mabel Dodds says:

    This really made me giggle. Not sure what I find the most amusing in these humorous posts of yours John – your sense of fun, or the way Tommy illustrates your comments with his cartoons! Thanks for starting off my day with a smile 😀

  2. DEar Oh Dear! From whence do you cometh? This load of Old Bull is wonderful, and thoughtful, and yet again thought provoking!!!!!!.
    Should I look back and read your Blogs of yesteryear entitled ‘Same Old same Old. I fear you have as you may suggest the UK Societietal solution in one? for instance ‘ Meet and greet your maker on a pelican Crossing, Hows that for a solution for to days older people and the younger faster growing society??
    I just wonder is a moan becoming reality for the older folk? Where has the compassion in society gone.
    The enuendo’s are countless, Blue lights at pelican crossings? who has the right of way? who is more important the soul crossing the road, or the soul waiting to be saved? What a conundrum, you pose? Is Life just a sheet of paper with rules and regs for the fool to follow, or do we have thinking people, who can see past all this nonesense, Answers on a postcard please,
    I am but a confused old bugger, and a dodery one at that. However I still have a vote, and the green-man and my consusions asks politely for that extra few seconds to at least acknowledge that society must be respectful of its older generation! We all ( All generations) need to go back to school exchange ideas, and most of all talk about our personal feelings and beliefs.

  3. Jon Claeaver says:

    As ever, the prescient minded John, anticipated the government move early 1990, when activities designed to keep older people in peak fitness were put into operation. ‘ExtraCare’, residents visiting outward bound centers for a little light abseiling, rock climbing and canoeing, after this the residents exercised their minds with a session of quiz competition’s; not only to improve physical health but the mind too. Result, residents able to find the crossing light button quickly and scoot across. All before a vehicle reached the crossing. I say John should be made the Government’s ‘Older Peoples fitness Saar.’ Off to Lovat Fields for an interview with a gentleman whose mother, a Jew, escaped a death camp at Treblinka Death Camp! Next Meet Cleaver.

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