The Government will shortly be introducing athletics training for old people in the run-up to the next Olympic Games. It is not that they expect many people to compete in Rio de Janeiro in 2016 – the Department of Transport just wants old people to cross the road faster!
A study by Age UK and the International Longevity Centre, found that many older people walk at less than one metre per second. However, the Department of Transport assumes that the little green man on pelican crossings walks at 1.2 metres per second. OOPS!!
This road crossing standard was set in 1950 when there was slower traffic and faster old people around. Now it appears that old people are not just blocking NHS beds, they are clogging up the road system as well.
The Prime Minister has announced that this situation can’t continue and a compulsory national “Speed Up At 60” training programme will be launched in an effort to keep the traffic moving. In future all older people over 60 will be subjected to a walking test every year and those that don’t pass will be banned from crossing roads. The Government thinks this will significantly reduce the number of accidents and improve congestion in our cities. It is also anticipated that the increased exercise will reduce hospital admissions. This would seem to be a win, win situation for everyone, especially the little green man.