Buying a funeral plan is a way of making sure there is enough money to pay for your last big send off yourself, rather than leaving the bill to be picked up by unhappy relatives when you are gone. Especially if you want to go out in style, you know — wheeled carriages, four black horses, stretch limos full of hundreds of weeping Facebook flash mob friends, loud speakers outside the church for the overflow audience of clapping fans who never knew you …….. and flowers lots of flowers. A modest respectful sort of funeral😢
Last year 183,500 funeral plans were taken out, which is a 25% increase on the year before. Sounds like death is a growing business. On average a plan costs £3,550. Not sure that includes a round of drinks at the wake ?
Funeral costs are rising rapidly and are forecast to double in the next 10 years. So buy you plan while you can!
It pays to shop around, so why not start at your local supermarket —- ASDA has a funeral plan although at the check out they prefer to call it ‘life insurance’. Speak to the check out lady when you next get your weekly groceries.
If you don’t shop at ASDA then try the Co-op, they are the UK’s brand leader when it comes to funeral send offs. They have 1200 outlets (sorry, funeral parlours) in the UK and if you purchase on-line you get a £100 discount on you funeral plan. They have bronze, silver and gold plans, which is certain to create an argument amongst your relatives 😄. I wonder if you can also use your Co-op green stamps for the final payment ?
Another option, particularly if you want to ascend in a puff of smoke into the clouds (although Heaven is not a guaranteed destination for everyone) is to use Dignity, the UK’s largest owner of crematoria. Not to be confused with Dignitas which includes a final trip to Switzerland. Dignity operate on a gargantuan scale — 39 crematoriums throughout the UK, 750 funeral directors and a further 400 ‘vetted’ directors, so your pets can come too. In their advertising, they pride themselves on the fact that “98% of their customers would recommend them to friends and relatives”. That must be clear evidence that there is life after death.
One last thing on this sombre subject. Apparently we are running out of land for burials. So it rather looks like I will have to have that ostentatious Viking burning-boat-burial at sea after all.
Better take out the “luxury tailored funeral plan”. 😄