“Clutter Doctor – a cry for help”

Good morning Doctor

I am sorry to bother you again, but I seem to have a recurring problem with my clutter disorder.   You may recall that when I came to see you four years ago, you  prescribed a shed for my  condition.   (You can see my previous symptoms by clicking on the Archive for January 2012).   Sadly my shed is now full of even more clutter and in spite of repeated efforts on my part the clutter will not go away.  


Goodness knows I have tried.   In 2013 I  got rid of  a lot of socks and ties, but now my sock drawers are overflowing again and I do miss those ties 😂.     See my blog ”  Clutter-head” by clicking on October 2013 in the Archive.


I made another brave effort only two years later in 2015, when I thinned out all the kitchen drawers and cupboards.   Remember all those useless, unused gadgets I had accumulated  — I still don’t know what many of them were for?    Then there were the half full bottles and long past their sell-by date cans  —-  I have not missed any of them.     That was a colossal effort, which seemed to help for a while, but gradually the  drawers are full to bursting again and the cupboard shelves are double stacked so that things regularly fall out when you open a door.


Dear Doctor, I think this cluttering must be a bug of some sort or maybe a virus, because it seems to keep coming back.    You will see from my blog in October this year, that I think I might have Pig Pen’s Disease, have you heard of it?    Do you know if there is a cure for PPD?     If you don’t have an answer could you please refer me to a specialist, because my problem has been going on for years and I do not seem to be getting any better.

It may be best if you could refer me to a de-cluttering specialist.  I don’t know if you can get them on the NHS?  I really don’t think another shed would solve the issue, although I must thank you for trying.

Yours sincerely, from the bottom of a heap of clutter


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5 Responses to “Clutter Doctor – a cry for help”

  1. Dear John, (said and meant with respect) before senile dementia sets in, I have to unload my mind, and think of the clutter that my father would often say comes with ‘Old Age and Dry Rot’, I need a good overhaul, and a new MOT certificate of sanity to be issued before I enter the world of UKPLC, and disturb my neighbours.
    At this time of the year, while I and Molly and the children (Including ours, enjoyed the revelry of the season, and that quiet moment of a church carol service: I now reflect in Grace my mother in law, an Ayrshire Scot, not dour but bubbly and good company. Grace would go around the house before Christmas Eve and unclutter, many a room, and then bring out the christmas tree and the many trinkets/decorations/baubles that each had a special memory to her and her family, if you listened carefully one got a tale of wonderment, and sheer enjoyment both in fact/ reality and the imagination.
    After Boxing day the house was reinspected once again and things noted, and those winter cobwebs, and dark corners where they lay were committed to memory; then behold on the day 31st. December with curlers under a scarf, a pinny and a duster in hand, and anyone else in the house male or female or child was given a duster, or a cloth, and the house was cleaned top to bottom, all rooms and every window cleaned inside and out. When finished a general inspection, a cup of tea a chat, and then a bath; Pie and peas was put in the oven with neaps, and at about 19:00 the doors in the house were open and a welcome to anyone, This was ‘Burns’ country so a few tributes were paid to the baird, and memories recalled. The pies and peas and neaps were served- then all the dishes and pans were washed spotless and tidied away,. The evening was gently pasted until BIG Ben struck 12:00 midnight, then the dark haired young men in the family collected their hip flask, a piece of cake, and well wishes from all gathered in the house and went out ‘First footing’ until all the friends and neighbours had been wished ‘A VERY Happy HOGMANAY’ and best wishes for the year to come.
    Grace: my I remember your wishes, and now you are in heaven, i hope I do not bring too much clutter with me when we meet next time, and that ST Peter, will admit me, without the men in white coats? The three quacks! as I am sectioned Quack, Quack, quack..

    • john graham says:

      A lovely story to start the Christmas season. Grace must have been very well organised and a good organiser of the rest of her family to keep the house in such good order over the Christmas period.
      I could do with her help for most days of the year 😄

  2. Thanks for the encouragement, John. I read your blog about four hours ago and since then I’ve been working away in my study on a bit of de-cluttering. Instead of building a shed, I’ve been inserting shelves. Last month, my wife found two new bookcases in the lighter colour she likes,so we moved two of my old darker bookcases to the garage–on their way to a better home. But since they have removable shelves, I’ve brought two of those shelves back in to my study–where I have held on to the rest of those darker bookcases. This morning I’ve removed several rows of double-shelved books, inserted an extra shelf in two of the bookcases, and I’m now putting books back in. You may notice that I haven’t mentioned actually getting rid of any of the books. Maybe some day…

    My small triumph is to fill a wee box with a few souvenirs that used to sit on the shelves. I figure that if I can’t remember who gave it to me–or why I bought it–then someone else can probably make better use of it. Onward!

    • john graham says:

      I am not sure you have entirely got the hang of decluttering Walt. Your wife was obviously wishing to improve the look of the shelves, I’ll bet she did not intend you to retrieve the old brown shelves to store even more books !
      Still it is probably better then a shed 😄

  3. ‘HOGMANEY’ First footing? Back to Ayrshire and Gracie’s family, who dwelt within the Ayrshire Mining community:
    The dark haired men would leave the house just after midnight; with the hip flask, cake, and a piece of coal- They would knock on a family or friends/neighbours door!! When the door was opened- welcome; offer a drink with the salutations ‘Slangevar’ Gaelic for Cheers-good health, then offer a piece of cake for good life, and finally a piece of coal as a sign of warmth for the friendships of the year.
    Mutterings of an old fool, for the record

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