Last Laugh Looney Party third half manifesto.

This is a continuation of my previous blogs on the Last Laugh Looney Party manifesto.        ( Click on “Last Laugh”  in the TagCloud to see the earlier posts )

Yes, we are allowed a third half  because we have just remembered something else we are not happy with 😀

FONTS

Small print will be BIG PRINT.     Font sizes less than 14 point will be illegal, if the LLLP is elected in June.     Newspaper editors and journalists will be expected to be less verbose and use less words 😀   Specsavers and many other opticians will go out of business 😀    Lengthy LLLP Government reports will be restricted to ONE PAGE 😀

LAWYERS 

Lawyers and  solicitors WILL BE BANNED  —– or GAGGED ——or ONLY ABLE TO WORK AT NIGHT —- or SOMETHING ELSE.   AND be required to use simple plain English in all documents,  with pictures for anything complicated.    AND ONLY USE ONE SHEET OF PAPER WITH LARGE PRINT.

GADGETS 

Almost all new equipment made in this new electronic era is more complex than the simple stuff of earlier years.   User manuals are incomprehensible and the fourteen languages don’t help one bit.    In future the LLLP will ensure all gadgets with more than two buttons will be banned.

TELEVISION  CHANNELS 

T.V. channels will be reduced to a maximum of TEN, any more are confusing.      Repeat programmes will only be repeated once, except for ” Die Hard ”  and all Clint Eastwood movies, which will have a Channel of their own and can be watched at any time.        All adverts will be moved to one channel, which people only need to watch if they need to buy something or if they like incomprehensible jokes and unreadable small print at the bottom of the screen.

The BBC licence fee will be scrapped, when BBC3, BBC4,  BBC5, BBC6, right upto BBC15 are all closed down after it is revealed that nobody ever watches them and it was just a way of recruiting more highly paid BBC executives.

There will be no 24 hour news channel.    In fact there will be lot less news and all news broadcasts will have to start with a  LLLP GOOD NEWS STOREY, introduced by an older person.

PACKAGING

All shops will have to employ LAST LAUGH UNPACKING ASSISTANTS to remove unopenable wrapping before you leave the shop.    Heavy goods must be delivered free to older people at home.   Jars and bottles which are screwed on so tightly that a world wrestling federation world champion could not open them will be able to be returned by older people, who will get double their money back and a free taxi home.

Child proof bottle tops are perfectly understandable to keep out prying little fingers, but for older people they should be replaced at point-of-sale by special age-friendly caps.     Which open when an older person says “Oh for Christs sake ! ” 😀

That is the end of our manifesto, for now, although we reserve the right to change our position if the other parties come up with better ideas later.

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4 Responses to Last Laugh Looney Party third half manifesto.

  1. davidwfreeman237 says:

    excellent, I will now go to my padded room, and bang my head a few times? then I may see, or hear what you are saying? does it make sense??? Yes it does to me, and sends me away with a chuckle!

  2. davidwfreeman237 says:

    The 3rd half
    Well here I am at the font? Looking at fonts? And washing myself in ‘’Holy water’’. The size of the print: do we in future just read the newspaper headlines? And leave the small print to our august body of reporters of the day, scribbling the thoughts of ‘’Moe’’ or some other creditable politician, sage, archbishop, in smaller print, so that we appear interested in the detail of the message to be spoken, and broadcast-I wonder???
    Lawyers present a different story, together with solicitors, or are they soliciting our attention, for a cosy night in bed with them, only to wake up in the morning to find they have gone, with our virginity of life, in what we thought was innocence, and naivety. As to a large print this is found on multiples of the £50 note?
    Gadgets two button yes simple ‘On Or Off’ nothing more complicated, especially for the male trousers –( Two buttons on the flies, to avoid wetting oneself as one struggles in the urinals to perform in an orderly fashion without a struggle of that damn zip, or multiple buttons?)
    TV channels-Here you remind me of ‘’LEFO’’ in my sea going days, and having the ‘’ channels’’ [excitement] when the ship got the wireless message ‘’ Land’s end for Orders’’ [lefo]. On the way home we would watch again and again one of the 3 films in the ships box of films {[The sailors society provided a worldwide service of boxes of each [3 Films / box] to be changed at any port of call, with a British Sailors mission or other British Ship]} – usually a horse opera, nothing as complicated as a ‘Clint Eastwood film’’! WE could while traversing the channel smell the greenery of ‘Blighty’’ and listen to the BBC-Home-Light Programme- Third programme, of if a heathen Luxemburg, and dream the reality of actually seeing ones loved ones again. In today’s language the channels are many, and the radio and TV channels an uphill struggle to sort out the true programmes from the adverts’, and if one does, which channel is competing with the next as to the repeat of a repeat film or programme! Radio can just be a noise, and one has to be careful, I remember Jimmy Young and Terry Wogan, and Brian Matthews, in my parlance, masters of enjoyment to listen too? But then I am an old ‘Fart’ full of wind!
    Packaging is a problem, I just wonder in my haste, are the modern ‘French letters’ so deviously wrapped up, or do we remember the ‘’PILL?’’ In old age both are a problem!!
    I note you reserve the right to change the manifesto? Good what is in your 4th quarter? I wonder ‘’BRITEX’’ or have we heard enough?
    Footnote!! I note the lawyers must produce the message on one sheet of paper: Have I brooch this ruling I hope not? I think my uttering may fit on one side of A4. The font size is another question??

  3. Mo Graham says:

    May I request an addition to the Manifesto at this late stage John? My proposal is that no one under the age of 18 should be allowed a mobile phone, iPad, games console or any other such anti-social technical device. Furthermore, I’d like to see a Law similar to the Smoking law (with a little improvisation) in that none of these devices can be used on the street, in cars, on any public transport, in restaurants or at the dinner table at home.

    “Let’s get Britain talking to one another again” could be the Pary’s slogan.

    With very little persuasion I could be your Campaign Manager with a view to you/the LLP getting elected in June. I wouldn’t want a salary as such – the occasional Chanel handbag a couple of times a year as a token of your appreciation for all my hard work would suffice 😘

  4. davidwfreeman237 says:

    I am afraid the reward may be a friendly ‘peck on the cheek” Just keep going MO John has found his niche where or what is a different matter, for a ‘LOoney party Supporter’. Mo’ You may have the last laugh yet!!!

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