This is a continuation of my previous blogs on the Last Laugh Looney Party manifesto. ( Click on “LLLP”in the TagClooud to see the earlier posts )
Yes, we are allowed a third half because we have just remembered something else we are not happy with 😀
Small print will be BIG PRINT. Font sizes less than 14 point will be illegal, if the LLLP is elected in June. Newspaper editors and journalists will be expected to be less verbose and use less words 😀 Specsavers and many other opticians will go out of business 😀 Lengthy LLLP Government reports will be restricted to ONE PAGE 😀
Lawyers and solicitors WILL BE BANNED —– or GAGGED ——or ONLY ABLE TO WORK AT NIGHT —- or SOMETHING ELSE. AND be required to use simple plain English in all documents, with pictures for anything complicated. AND ONLY USE ONE SHEET OF PAPER WITH LARGE PRINT.
Almost all new equipment made in this new electronic era is more complex than the simple stuff of earlier years. User manuals are incomprehensible and the fourteen languages don’t help one bit. In future the LLLP will ensure all gadgets with more than two buttons will be banned.
T.V. channels will be reduced to a maximum of TEN, any more are confusing. Repeat programmes will only be repeated once, except for ” Die Hard ” and all Clint Eastwood movies, which will have a Channel of their own and can be watched at any time. All adverts will be moved to one channel, which people only need to watch if they need to buy something or if they like incomprehensible jokes and unreadable small print at the bottom of the screen.
The BBC licence fee will be scrapped, when BBC3, BBC4, BBC5, BBC6, right upto BBC15 are all closed down after it is revealed that nobody ever watches them and it was just a way of recruiting more highly paid BBC executives.
There will be no 24 hour news channel. In fact there will be lot less news and all news broadcasts will have to start with a LLLP GOOD NEWS STOREY, introduced by an older person.
All shops will have to employ LAST LAUGH UNPACKING ASSISTANTS to remove unopenable wrapping before you leave the shop. Heavy goods must be delivered free to older people at home. Jars and bottles which are screwed on so tightly that a world wrestling federation world champion could not open them will be able to be returned by older people, who will get double their money back and a free taxi home.
Child proof bottle tops are perfectly understandable to keep out prying little fingers, but for older people they should be replaced at point-of-sale by special age-friendly caps. Which open when an older person says “Oh for Christs sake ! ” 😀
That is the end of our manifesto, for now, although we reserve the right to change our position if the other parties come up with better ideas later.