Coronapop News Storm

Once upon a time we were all obsessed with the weather.    Waking up each day to find the forecast in the news, on the hour every hour.    It didn’t really matter if it was accurate, in fact it frequently wasn’t, but still we tuned in to see what we should wear.    “Wrap up warm” ….. or “take an umbrella” ….. or “no need for a coat today“.

Now Coronapop has us all captivated in a totally different way every day👿

We all have to learn a new language first.   Take a degree in virology and epidemiology.   Be guided by the SCIENCE.

Then you may have the faintest chance of keeping up with the news.     So long as you understand the difference between DNA and RNA.   And worryingly the infection rate and the case fatality rate.    Most of all you need to know about the R, or is it the RRRRRR   or the ARRRGH!    Which ever one it is, it is definitely important.

But that’s not all.    You need to know about the numbers, lots of numbers that change every day faster than the weather.   Like the spin of a Public Health slot machine.      KA-CHING.     2,345,678 people have now been tested, some of them several times, that is 9876 more than yesterday.     KA-CHING.    123,456 have tested positive for Coronapop up from 93,345 yesterday when the numbers were lower because of the weekend.       KA-CHING.   5,678 have been admitted to hospital  and there are now 30,079 people in hospital 12,876 in intensive care.   KA-PLONK   Sadly 456 have died today, which is 234 less than yesterday.   Got it ?   Of course these figures might not be right because they don’t include people in the community, nor the people in Northern Ireland where the figures haven’t arrived yet.   And by the way these figures may be double this when you add on all the people who haven’t been tested.   Or people whose tests are just false negatives, in which case they will have to come back next week.     SCHHUSH!   Don’t mention the 21,234  “excess deaths”👿

Now you have a grip on the numbers, it is important to understand the military tactics being used to control Coronapop.       Operation “Lockdown” means you shouldn’t go out for three weeks, or maybe 12 weeks, we will let you know in three weeks depending on the R.    Of course you can go out for food and a walk, only a short walk.    And don’t talk to anybody unless they have a mask or a plastic bottle on their head or you are 2 or 3, or better still 20 meters away.    This is called “distancing “.    Until you get back home when you will be “isolating” or “ shielding” depending on how many co-morbidities you have.

It should all be CLEAR to you now, as obviously you can see we are following the science,  FOLLOWING THE SCIENCE!

If for some inexplicable reason you are sill confused, just remember our daily stock phrases:-

  • STAY AT HOME  ————– most of the time
  • WASH YOUR HANDS ——- all of the time
  • STAY ALERT ——————— always
  • WASH YOUR HANDS ——- again and again
  • PROTECT THE NHS ——— forever
  • WEAR A MASK —————- or don’t

👿Just like the weather this advice may change tomorrow👿

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5 Responses to Coronapop News Storm

  1. I just see the pin ball, in the 6d slot machine go down the gunnel to the machine owners, after spinning around and around, not a winning slot for you or me. My personal magnetism, or pocket magnet is no, has no attraction to be a winner. I must grow slightly older and a little or is it ‘LESS’ cynical.
    I wonder what the next attraction or machine is in the ‘penny arcade'[d]. Maybe just a song and one more corneto from BODJ as he announces his ‘swansong’? Paddling like hell to make ‘SENSE’?
    1/6d for my corneto with a flake to bit upon? from the ice cream van on the pavement outside the 1d attractions on this political arcade.

  2. Mo Graham says:

    I’m so pleased you’ve got a handle on all of this for the Graham household John. It’s good of you to have taken the worry of watching Downing Street’s daily briefings off my shoulders – but all I really want to know from you is

    WHEN (Oh When?) can I go outside again and drive my car – first to go and get my hair and nails done, then on to do a massive shop in The Range and Dunelm?

    (Heck – after ten weeks of being in isolation, I’d even settle for a quick trip round Sainsbury’s!)

    So are you absolutely SURE you’re reading the government’s figures and recommendations correctly? Have we really got to stay locked down like this for at least another 12 months because of our ages? 12 months! This seems very harsh. 😟

  3. Feelings
    What a piece full of forecasts, figures, and jargon, synonyms and a list of simple requests to stay safe in these days of Corona Virus, as we reach all of us the approaching 12th. Week of ‘’lockdown’’ and social isolation????
    The intoxicating, and digestion of all the daily figures and DATA, challenges my small mind? I have chased up the ‘National Statistics office’, for the comparable weeks over the past 10 years, so I can or could understand for instance:=
    1/- The total deaths in England,
    2/- The average age of death in England
    3/- The total deaths by age groups in England
    4/- The total deaths in care homes in England
    5/- The total number of residents in Care homes within England
    6/- The total number of English Population by age groups.
    Then these figures transferred to a comparable set of tables to the same period in time for this epidemic of the Corona Virus!
    After this an english dictionary interpretation of all the synonyms and anachronisms being used by the modern up to date scientific society, with also the political ‘jargon’¬
    At my gentle age of 77, and my god of faith, I drift and dream, and think of my life time in the past, when at five minutes to 9, or 12 noon, 6 in the evening and at midnight, listening to the BBC Home or World service GMT [Greenwich Mean Time], and the shipping forecast for the UK, and the up and coming weather, whether it be sunshine, fog, gales, or storms? Then the news by the announcer he or she? In queens English, all straight forward, and one could plan ahead and chart a safe course to the next harbour. Plain Sailing¬¬ in Plain English?
    No doubt, we have a future in ‘lockdown and social isolation’ chuntering and spouting, maybe not hot air like BODJ, but hopefully, common sense and with compassion, influencing our Last Laugh Loonie Party membership.
    Now to Johns code of behaviour:
    A/ Stay at Home- stay socially isolated stay safe!
    B/ Wash your hands, as in the olden days the ‘IZAL’ toilet paper would quote,
    C/ Stay Alert- for instance: never go to sleep in a government broadcast devoted to the Corona Virus from the steps of No 10.
    D/ Again after you have touched and delved in the PHOO! As the ‘IZAL’ would say wash your hands
    E/ Protect the NHS a noble British institution of the people!
    F/ Wear a physical mask, not a grimace or smile or grin of insolence or inconsideration.
    THE END, what do you believe in? Answers on a postcard please.
    Today Sunday 24th, May 2020 The No. 10 Downing Street, Virus Broadcast. By BODJ, What is too come????

  4. Forked Tongue!!
    I am a UK Voter and very worried about the message that Boris as PM may wish to impart to me as a member of the British Public?
    The Dominic Cummings episode expose’ may to my mind reveal a cynical controlling mind or mind’s of the Conservative Party, and Boris as our leader. In supporting Mr. Cummings is Boris asking us the British Public, to do as we believe is right in this epidemic of ‘Corona Virus’, so that should the UK witness a resurgence of the epidemic, Boris May quote, or inform the British Public: ‘’ It is not I or the governments fault the resurgence of The Corona Virus- But yours the British Public’s for not complying with our the Governments advice, and acting sensibly and responsibly’’????
    Boris do you have a ‘Forked Tongue’ and is this a game of words from the Eton Playing fields? -Shame on you!!!
    In Sundays No. 10 Broadcast on the Corona Virus, again I was confused! Boris I believe spoke in the 5 Steps slide to the position of Step 2, when in fact the slide still shows the UK In step 4 -Self Isolation, and not as yet having achieved to a satisfactory position of Step 3. The cart before the horse comes to mind, and a man not with a mission, but a ‘forked tongue’, and a leader who does not as PM trust the good sense of the British Public???
    I wish simple straight forward talking and advice to the British Public -Not innuendo of what one may do such as Mr. Cummings, allegedly did; floating the advice so expertly given, and backed by persons of integrity such as the daily scientific public officers, trying to or helping the British People, in how to combat this Corona Virus.
    WE have yet to cross the economic desert, and there I must have a government totally, in whom I wish to believe in.

  5. back at school, who is who’s ‘FAG’ and who is the leader? Cummins or BODJ?

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