Once upon a time we were all obsessed with the weather. Waking up each day to find the forecast in the news, on the hour every hour. It didn’t really matter if it was accurate, in fact it frequently wasn’t, but still we tuned in to see what we should wear. “Wrap up warm” ….. or “take an umbrella” ….. or “no need for a coat today“.
Now Coronapop has us all captivated in a totally different way every day👿
We all have to learn a new language first. Take a degree in virology and epidemiology. Be guided by the SCIENCE.
Then you may have the faintest chance of keeping up with the news. So long as you understand the difference between DNA and RNA. And worryingly the infection rate and the case fatality rate. Most of all you need to know about the R, or is it the RRRRRR or the ARRRGH! Which ever one it is, it is definitely important.
But that’s not all. You need to know about the numbers, lots of numbers that change every day faster than the weather. Like the spin of a Public Health slot machine. KA-CHING. 2,345,678 people have now been tested, some of them several times, that is 9876 more than yesterday. KA-CHING. 123,456 have tested positive for Coronapop up from 93,345 yesterday when the numbers were lower because of the weekend. KA-CHING. 5,678 have been admitted to hospital and there are now 30,079 people in hospital 12,876 in intensive care. KA-PLONK Sadly 456 have died today, which is 234 less than yesterday. Got it ? Of course these figures might not be right because they don’t include people in the community, nor the people in Northern Ireland where the figures haven’t arrived yet. And by the way these figures may be double this when you add on all the people who haven’t been tested. Or people whose tests are just false negatives, in which case they will have to come back next week. SCHHUSH! Don’t mention the 21,234 “excess deaths”👿
Now you have a grip on the numbers, it is important to understand the military tactics being used to control Coronapop. Operation “Lockdown” means you shouldn’t go out for three weeks, or maybe 12 weeks, we will let you know in three weeks depending on the R. Of course you can go out for food and a walk, only a short walk. And don’t talk to anybody unless they have a mask or a plastic bottle on their head or you are 2 or 3, or better still 20 meters away. This is called “distancing “. Until you get back home when you will be “isolating” or “ shielding” depending on how many co-morbidities you have.
It should all be CLEAR to you now, as obviously you can see we are following the science, FOLLOWING THE SCIENCE!
If for some inexplicable reason you are sill confused, just remember our daily stock phrases:-
- STAY AT HOME ————– most of the time
- WASH YOUR HANDS ——- all of the time
- STAY ALERT ——————— always
- WASH YOUR HANDS ——- again and again
- PROTECT THE NHS ——— forever
- WEAR A MASK —————- or don’t
👿Just like the weather this advice may change tomorrow👿