GrumbleSmiles

Christmas is rapidly approaching and our politicians have sent out all their cards — although they call them manifestos.   They are full of New Year resolutions which they will drop after a week or so.   They have also promised loads of presents for everyone, which will turn out to be empty boxes when you unwrap them.   I hasten to add that all these presents are being bought with our own money.

So just before you vote, consider these promises by the Last Laugh Looney Party if we are elected we promise :-

• Everyone will benefit from a new national minimum wage of £100,000 a year.
• We will introduce a one day working week —- one day.
• We will train 1 million new doctors, 1 million new nurses and a billion new hospital administrators, so that just about everyone can work in the NHS.
• We will build a zillion new homes, although none of them will be in your back yard.
• We welcome climate change so we can have sunny days every day, except in Scotland where it will rain until they vote out the SNP.

All this will happen if you believe in Santa Claus🤡

The Last Laugh Looney Party 🥳 will defend everyone’s rites, especially the rite to be STUPID.    They are pleased to see that all the other parties are learning from them  and doing stupid things too.

Here is a few fings  what we want :-

• The rite to paint on walls everywhere, just like Banksy.
• The rite to have what you want, when you want it.
• the rite to be on TV in Gogglebox and other intelligent programs.
• Why shouldn’t you go on University Challenge just because you haven’t been to University ?
• the rite to global warming, it will save a lot on energy bills.
• the rite to go to demonstrations and shout slogans just like MP’s.
• The rite to buy people’s votes for the LLLP with there own 💰
• there must be lots more rites that we want, but we can’t think what they are rite now.

Not satisfied with just becoming King and Queen of America and All Europe, King Bodj now turned his attention eastwards.     In Bodj’s muddled historical mind, he reveered the images of Hannibal challenging the Roman Empire, because he liked the idea of charging forth on a herd of elephants, which he thought would fit his new image.    This had little to do with expanding his empire and he vaguely remembered that Hannibal was defeated in the end.     So he thought he would rather be Genghis Khan and add the Mongol Empire to his collection.     Or maybe it was Marco Polo that he wished to emulate and travel the Silk Road to China.   Bodj often found himself in two minds 🤡

Whichever way he went, King Bodj saw new territories to be conquered and he very much liked the idea of Bodjland becoming a new Global Empire linking America, Europe and China into the New Bodj Empire.

HAIL EMPEROR BODJ AND EMPRESS IVANKA

P.S.    Of course, this may all come crashing down, if Bodj fails to win the UK General Election on 12th December, or even if he just loses his seat as an MP for the Constituency of Hayes and Harlington.

We are now in the fantasy land that surrounded Bodj in the period between him triumphantly securing a deal with the European Union, and then coming back to Earth with a bump when he got back to the UK Parliament.  We have temporarily ended up in a parallel universe where Bodj can imagine a whole new world for himself.

It didn’t take long running the European Super Power before Super President Bodj got bored.    He had already vanquished all the other European Presidents to be Country Caretakers looking after all the toilets and manhole covers in Europe.   What more could he do ?

Then one day he woke up with a thought.  Another great Bodj idea 🤡

What about becoming KING !   He had never been a king before.   It could be fun?  All that dressing up …. and uniforms ….  and medals …..and State Banquets …… and horse drawn carriages    ….. and parades  …. and palaces … and his very own flag.

Super President Bodj always believed in the monarchy, especially now he was to be KING.

Being a student of history Bodj decided to model himself on Henry VIII.   This was because he liked the idea of having several wives, although he didn’t plan to behead any of them, so he may have to become a Mormon.   This arrangement had the advantage of meaning he didn’t have to cover up his many affairs in future.

Once Bodj became King of All Europe, President Tramp thought it would be a good time for a State Visit, so that he could do a trade deal with Europe.   He brought with him his beautiful daughter Ivanka.    Ivanka quite liked the idea of becoming the first Queen of All Europe and readily accepted King Bodj’s proposal of marriage.  She hastily explained that it was “fake news” that she was already married.

The trade deal was struck.    Europe would import all the chlorinated chicken that the USA could produce and in exchange America proposed that Bodj and Ivanka become King and Queen of America and All Europe, which henceforth would be called “Bigger Bodjland”, because everything in America is bigger.

President Tramp was delighted with the best deal ever in the whole world and said that he would open Tramp golf courses in all the capital city parks and build Tramp Towers in the most prominent city locations.     Starting with one in London where the Houses of Parliament used to be, one in Rome where the old run-down Colosseum is sited and then one to replace the Eiffel Tower, which wasn’t required now they had one in Las Vegas.

THE FANTASY DOESN’T END THERE, THERE WILL BE MORE

We are now three days past the day which Bodj said was his “Die in a Ditch “ deadline day.   In fact, it didn’t turn out to be a Deadline Day.  The European Parliament generously decided to grant us yet another extension so that we can enjoy the pleasures of being in the European Union for even longer.

The Europeans evidently have short memories, so perhaps we have to remind them that almost 75 years ago on D-Day we had to begin the liberation of  their sovereign countries from German occupation !   Which is no more than we are trying to do for ourselves with Brexit.  Oh and of course we also had to do the same thing 100 years ago during the First World War !

The hard fact is the the Germans are good at what they do, Dominating people.  This time round, rather than using Tiger tanks and Doodle Bugs, they did it with the Deutsche Mark, which they cunningly renamed “the Euro”.    So their latest attempt to conquer Europe has been more subtle and so far more successful.   At least for the Germans.    The huge number of unemployed people in Spain, Italy and Greece might not agree.

The problem with the Europe they have created, is that it is not a level playing field.    Not everyone is as industrious as the Germans and therefore the wealth is not earned or consequently shared evenly.    Disharmony is built into the system and the Germans have harsh ways of dealing with Disorder.

Britain’s last big exit from Europe was at Dunkirk.   Our latest attempt at leaving seems almost as difficult.  This time the Europeans seem reluctant to let us go.

Rather than going to war again, we now seem to have become a nation of Demonstrators.   There are daily Demonstrations outside Parliament of both leavers and remainers.  Whilst inside Parliament, there are endless Defeats on almost every proposition to leave.

The Last Laugh Looney Party has an alternative idea to solve the problem.   We will send an army of volunteers over to Europe to put towels on all the Deck Chairs everywhere throughout Europe.   This will really show that we mean business and should  make the Germans so fed up with us, that they will eventually let us leave 🙂