LLLP Next Move ?

Posted on September 25, 2019 by john graham

Bodj has now been deemed to have acted illegally over poroguing Parliament.   All his “friends” are jumping on the bandwagon and instantly calling on Bodj to resign.

The lawyers have had their say and now we all have to pay.   Legal eagles have put our politicians back in the playground to continue squabbling.

The Last Laugh Looney Party needs to come up with some even more daft ideas to move the situation forward.     HERE ARE A FEW THOUGHTS :-

  • We could close the channel tunnel just for fun.    As a symbolic gesture of our independence.
  • We could lock all the MP’s in Parliament until they can agree on something or anything at all and only feed them on baked beans.
  • If they don’t come out with anything sensible,  then we send them back in again.     To eat more baked beans and definitely no jelly.    They can stay there until after October 31st.
  • When they are finally let out, we will no longer be in the European Union 😀
  • Then we can open the channel tunnel again as if nothing happened.

                                          And it didn’t !

Posted in SMILES | Tagged | 3 Comments

LLLP Supreme Cart

Posted on September 22, 2019 by john graham

When it comes to BREXIT everybody is now getting on the bandwagon.   The latest group are the legal eagles, eager to prove they are not above the law, in fact they are the law.    And they all get paid handsomely for stating the obvious.   So the Last Laugh Looney Party has decided to tell them what the obvious is to help clarify things with regard to BREXIT.

First of al Prime Minister Bodj wants to stay in Europe with a deal, or without a deal, or if it has got a “backstop”, then it has to have “no borders”.     While Opposition leader Jeremy Corbblers doesn’t know what he wants, except it is definitely not what Bodj wants.    So there !   And they have all been fighting about it in the playground, called Parliament for the last three years

Meanwhile the Nationalist party’s are all going home with their bats and balls, or is it cabers, leaks and shenanigans.   Oh and the Liberal Demons are collecting up all the defectors in the hope that they can get on tele and look important.   Then don’t forget the Green -there is only one – she is sanctimoniously right about everything and will vote against anything unless it’s a change in the weather.

The actual Brexit party, who started the fight in the first place, don’t have any MP’s, so they can’t play in the playground.

The Supreme Cart  of Judges and QC’s in  wigs and bathrobes justly has to sort this out.   A bit like Gary Linacre and Alan Shearer on Match of the Day.

”Was Bodj within his rights to prorogue Parliament?”   Yes say the Cart they have been doing it for years.

”Should Jeremy Cobblers call for a General Election?”   Yes say the Cart, what a good way to sort things out peacefully.

“Then we can start a new fight in the playground !”   Says the Last Laugh Looney Party.

 

Posted in SMILES | Tagged | 1 Comment

Steps and Stairs – Beware !

Posted on September 18, 2019 by john graham

A step is a step too far for many older people.  Well it can be when it is a step up or a step down.    Stumbles, tumbles and falls are an everyday hazard of later life.

It is not often the drink that does it, it is more likely to be the rug on the floor that you trip over.   Or the flip flop, flip-flops that make you flop.   Or the step without a handy handrail.   Or the bad lighting.   Or just bad eyesight.   Or a shuffling gate.   Or carrying a tray that obscures your view.   Or a wet bathroom floor.    Or a moment of inattention.    A distraction that leads to an accidental path you never intended to take, off to A&E !

The Homes for Later Living Consortium published a report recently that suggested that over a million older people will visit hospital after a fall.   In fact the number is growing and by 2032 it is expected to be 2.5 million at a cost to the NHS of £2billion  a year.

The Centre for Ageing Better found that making small changes can make homes much safer for older people.   Simple aides and adaptations, like grab rails and ramps, can reduce the incidence of falls.    90% of retired people live and want to remain in their own home, so adapting the houses should be the first step to making life safer.

           A handrail is much cheaper than a hip operation !

Posted in GRUMBLES | 5 Comments

“POPINJAY”

Posted on September 15, 2019 by john graham

Today I woke up with a POPINJAY,

not literally I might add.

But I don’t know where he came from

and that was sad.

 

Just a forgotten word in my mind,

lost in the mystery of times past.

Floating to the surface

for one last word.

It’s a dandy man.

or it’s a bird

chased by arrows

through the narrows of my mind.

Tagged | 2 Comments

LLLP Circus

Posted on September 11, 2019 by john graham

A few days ago we had the LLLP Clowns, now we have the complete LLLP Circus complete with ninja turtles 🐢🐢🐢🐢.    Bodj has decided to prorogue Parliament, whatever that means?    I think he ment to say cadjole Parliament, but Bodge is not very good at persuading people, especially his own MP’s.     Or perhaps he ment to parole Parliament, i.e. let them out until they are tried for something.

Either way the MP’s have been sent home for five weeks to cool down.   I don’t suppose we will miss them.    And they can do less harm while they are under house arrest 🤡

In the meantime Bodj will be tripping over to Europe with his LLLP special advisers to  conclude a Brexit deal.  

His red lines are that the European Commission must pay Britain £36 billion to leave, erect borders everywhere and stop freedom of movement from anywhere to anywhere.    Only then will we agree to sell them pork pies and Stilton cheese again,   And they are still not  having any of our fish !

Oh, and if they have another war, don’t expect us to come and help.  So there .

Preparations for a No-Deal Brexit are well advanced and  Coco, the new cabinet minister for dogs has stockpiled a years supply of  Pedigree pet food and enough Bonio biscuits for the next three years.

Posted in SMILES | 4 Comments

LLLP CLOWNS

Posted on September 8, 2019 by john graham

I just knew that Boris Johnson ( henceforth known as Bodj ) has been reading my Last Laugh Looney Party blogs to pickup ideas of how to run the country.    The trouble is that he has not been reading it very carefully and he has got the wrong end of the political stick🤡

In my post on the 11th August I launched the Last Laugh Looney Party Manifesto for the upcoming election.    Bodj pinched the ideas but, turned them upside down.    Instead of cutting costs he is increasing them !   Silly billy.

Whereas the LLLP was going to have a foreign legion of deported criminals and a children’s airforce squadron of drone fighter pilots, all of of whom were doing it for free, Bodj is planning to spend £ billions on more on generals and air chief marshals and administrators and at least two more soldiers with guns.

But, I know he is copying some ideas, like reducing the number of MP’s, except Bodj is doing it by kicking them out of his own party one at a time 🤡

Bodj has got into the LLLP spirit of things by spending £200 million on buses, that must have been why he was making all those cardboard buses.   They won’t be very good in the rain though 🤡

Best of all Bodj is going to use £30 million protecting turtles 🐢🐢🐢🐢 there will be lots of votes in that idea.   Drenched out of his childhood memories, although Bodj has never really grown up, his new Cabinet will include Leonado, Raphael, Donatello and Michelangelo.

This new Ninja Cabinet will soon sort out Europe  🤡 !

Posted in SMILES | Tagged | 2 Comments

Dial-up Dementia

Posted on September 1, 2019 by john graham

I am a  one-finger typist with a typing speed that could not keep pace with a snail.   I also don’t send, or read, or respond to text messages — it is all double-Dutch to me.    So it was particularly worrying when I read in the press about the  new discovery in  Alaska.

It was announced at the recent Knowledge Discovery and Data Mining Conference, so you may have missed it, if you didn’t go this year.   Dissappoingly, it was not about a new gold strike in the Yukon, so hold back the huskies and put away your mine detector.

A research paper was presented that was exciting news but, troubling for one~finger typists everywhere.   A team from Apple and  American health care companies studied the way people use their mobile phones.   They found a correlation between slower typing rates and cognative decline.  Also people send fewer text messages as their memory becomes impaired.     Monitoring these changes would enable Apple to predict early signs of dementia.

I have already enrolled on a touch typing course and I am going to send a text message to Apple every day to let them know I am  OK.

Posted in Dementia | 4 Comments

Redefine Red Wine As Medicine!

Posted on August 28, 2019 by john graham

Some extremely good news today in the Journal of Gastroenterology, which in future should be compulsory reading in every GP’s surgery.

A research study done at King’s College London of the drinking habits of 3,000 people, found that red wine drinkers have better gut balance between bad and good gut bacteria.      Well my balance has never been good so a few more glasses of the Red wouldn’t go amiss.

Even better they had lower cholesterol and were less likely to be obese.    I could do with losing a  couple of pounds or stones, so I ought to do some serious work on my gut microbiota.    I could get really serious about this healthy living thing thanks to these researchers.

So so now I am off down to The Red Lion to stock up on my polyphenols.   Then I will go straight to my GP surgery to see if I can get a bottle of 1981 Chateauneuf du Pape on prescription.

3 Comments

New Pill Cure-All

Posted on August 25, 2019 by john graham

My now famous pill popping character, Pilly Galore is at last beginning to influence national policy 😀.    This must be clear evidence that those nice people at NICE – the National Institute for Cancelling Everything – are reading my blogs about Pilly’s exploits.

A report in The Daily Mail on Thursday 22nd August again highlights that “One in 5 pensioners pop 7 pills every day”. This is not news to Pilly and her GP – Doctor Astro Glax in fact they think it grossly understates the pill tsunami that has overtaken the elderly population.    It is hardly surprising when GP’s are paid more for every pill they prescribe and when pharmacies earn more for every pill they sell! There are no incentives to get people off pills quite the reverse.   Pilly is only happy if she gets a new pill each time she sees her superhero Doctor.

There is some good news the very next day, this time on the front page of the Daily Mail – the headline proclaims – “ Four-in-one pill that slashes heart risk “.    It is a study suggesting that a pill combining aspirin, statins and two blood pressure lowering pills could reduce heart attacks and strokes by a third.   It could be given to MILLIONS of older people.

  All in a single pill which is an idea pinched from Milly’s blog and the cartoon below.

You can see all of my earlier blogs on Milly by clicking on Pills in the Tag Cloud.

 

4 Comments

Google Black Hole

Posted on August 21, 2019 by john graham

What if you Google something

and get no answers ?

Does it cease to exist ?

Or do you persist ?

 

Is there a word

that no-one has heard ?

Or once it is said,

does it stay in your head ?

 

If you don’t tell a soul,

is their a Google black hole ?

Where knowledge goes in

and is not seen again.

 

That sounds like a question

for a Oxford entrance exam.

I’ll give it a try

and see if I can.

Years ago you could have entered “Google”,

but now you’d get a zillion answers 😀

Posted in SMILES | Tagged | 2 Comments