There is an election coming up so de-cluttering at home has been set aside for a while in order to put the world to rights. There are so many problems all connected with older people and let’s face it, they created this situation themselves during their lifetime.
In the forthcoming election the newly formed Last Laugh Looney Party decided to stand for a radical, but fun solution that would attempt to solve the problem of older people for a generation. This will leave the younger generations free of their elderly burden. Then they can play games on their iPads all day. These are the LLLP’s main manifesto pledges :-
THE GREY ECONOMY
We are always being told we are a financial burden on society. So OK we will form our own Last Laugh Bank and put all our money and assets in it. We don’t need to own our own houses, we will rent from now on and liquidate our assets to spend on having a good time 😀 This should go along way to solving Britain’s housing shortage. We will withdraw all our money from the ‘big five banks’ because they gave us no interest anyway. The LLB will have real people behind counters and absolutely no robotic tills in the wall outside. Staff will be recruited from retired bank staff who smile and take time to explain things slowly.
NATIONAL HEALTH SERVICE
The NHS has been failing older people for years and it shows no signs of improvement in the near future. We older people don’t have time to wait ! So we are going to build new hospitals in India exclusively for older people. Hip operations, knee replacement, cataracts, heart transplants, face lifts, etc, will all be half price with no waiting times and a lovely warm climate to recover in. Most of the Indian medical staff will have prior NHS experience before they were deported from Britain as ‘ immigrants ‘ by the Post Brexit Government.
In recent years these departments of Local Government have neither been ‘ social’ or ‘services’ as far as older people are concerned. Day Centres, Old People’s Homes, Home Care and meals on wheels have all but disappeared. The LLLP will close them down completely and replace them with the Last Laugh Leisure Team, a not for profit company run by older people for older people. They will promote concerts by pensioners such as the Rolling Stones, the Who, Elton John, Shirley Bassey and Elvis, if he comes out of hiding 😀 They will sing songs with real words that you can understand and no rapping, definitely no rapping. The LLLT will also run extensive water sports activities such as jet skiing, deep-sea fishing and just messing about in boats. All from our Channel Island retreat. Oh yes, I forgot to mention the Channel Islands.
THE CHANNEL ISLAND RESORT.
As a key part of the Brexit negotiations the LLLP agreed to relocate all older people off shore in exchange for soverignty over the Channel Islands, the Isle of White, the Silly Isles, the Isle of Man and the Outer Hebrides for dour Scottish old people. All these Islands will then become tax and taxi havens
That’s right NO TAX — we have shelled out enough already. And NO CARS —- just taxis for longer journeys and mobility scooters for short trips. We will need to be fairly self-sufficient so we will be eating a lot of tomatoes and Jersey Royals, but there will be plenty of fish because we will have a 10 mile exclusion zone around all our Islands that will keep out Spanish trawlers.
More LLLP policies will be announced in my next blog before you are asked to vote!