LLLP INVESTIGATES FOOD SUPPLY

The ruthless slimming down of Government Departments as recommended by the Last Laugh Looney Party continues at a pace.
Today it is the turn of  the Department of Agriculture,  Fisheries and Food.    In fact that is what it used to be called, when it did what it said on the tin and concentrated on supplying the country with all its food, but now it has had a make-over and is called “ The Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs”.

Changing their name is where they started to go wrong.   They must have brought in an expensive management consultant who has got them all confused.    Their mission now is :-   “To restore and enhance the environment for the next generation, and leave it in a better state than we found it”.

                 Whatever happened to the fish and food?

Some estimates say that as much as 80% of our food is imported.   Farming is barely profitable any more and farmers are told to diversify into beekeeping and growing wild flowers.   We are dependent on foreign labour to harvest our fruit and veg.    Our fishing industry has been almost totally destroyed and fish stocks are lower then they have ever been.

It took 3,500 civil servants beavering away at DEFRA in London to do this.   Pursuing their new vision of “purer air, cleaner water, making the land greener, and food more sustainable “.

You couldn’t make this up, but it is all in their Annual Report.    Along with their 25 year annual plan, in which they tell us that in their fight against plastic waste, they will eliminate plastic straws, cotton buds and plastic stirrers.  Thank God for that !

Shame about the floods and the water shortages that they are also responsible for.

The LLLP’s recommended script for a broadcast by Bodj :-

“ We have decided to move all the DEFRA  staff to live in yurts in a field in a flood plain in Yorkshire, where they can learn to live off the land.   They will no longer be paid, but they can keep the TV rights to a weekly Country File broadcast on how well they are getting on.”

FORECAST SAVING   =  £ 2.1 billion.

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3 Responses to LLLP INVESTIGATES FOOD SUPPLY

  1. Speakers corner Hyde Park, or on the Hill at The Tower of London.
    I am mesmerised by ‘John’s’ Love letter of the day, and I have retreated to my two favourite places above, to listen to my personal ‘Bible Thumper’ this Sunday as they ‘Spout’ on the @Stump@ or is that my favourite man of the @Moment@ or is that ‘’Monument’’ dearest BORIS or as I know him in the LLLP Ragamiffin’s society as BODJ!
    Well ‘John’ lit the candle in the church and showed me the everlasting ‘red light’ – Not I add in Antwerp, down skipper strasser?- but one of deep humiliation, judgement and thought?
    I was confused as I ate my fish and chips wrapped in greaseproof paper, soused in vinegar and salt, the fish tasted of plastic, and all wrapper up beautifully in the ‘SUN’ that edificational journal of of in depth, non partizan comments, Yum Yum!!
    I looked at Johns’ comments and believing it was a Sunday thought and believed his comments were most sincere, and that he had choked on a tablet of stone from Mount Sinai , and was leading us all in the LLLP to the promised Land?
    I unfortunately went for a reference read to JOHN;s referenced full document -viz [DEFRA’s web report 2018/9], I was wetting my pants with excitement, and expecting to be fully informed by the 184 page document? Alas, the document was put together, by a Filistien/Frankinstien with a title of Tamara, and later in the document, was a reference BY Moriarty, so my ‘soul’ was full of happiness??
    John has highlighted the main information, covered in page 1 to 3. he rest was I found infuriating, and too much minutia to be of usefulness, or mind blowing relevance .
    What dumbfounded me was? Where are or what is the policy statements of intent of DEFERA!!
    You have fishing, and food imports, and the innuendo that the UK is leaving the EU all together. I wish to draw breath, and question what is or are the international boundaries limits physically and geographically around the United Kingdom and Northern Ireland, with respect to firstly mineral rights and their recovery, and then Fishing Grounds, and their limits. Both the fish can migrate in and out of UK waters, so how does one protect the species?, and minerals Oil, Gas, and maybe other mineral resources how does one nation compensate the other for minerals drawn, withdrawn underground-sea from a common boarder?? The Judgement of Solomon, I presume? I note that Nitrous oxide emissions are listed as a matter of concern, is this car exhaust and power station emissions, and then there is Ammonia excess? I could not trace the source within my mind and learnings as a younger man.
    I then have a chuckle, all the conditions under government employment and contract for staff, conditions and pay-reward are entered into and listed, infinitum, as per any government central office?
    Amongst this -’’guff’’ was a couple of sentences, with no headlines referring to the water purity within the UK and NI of the beaches, and then a comment on water purity {Drinking} within the UK and NI, and the side comment on water tables, and rivers, again suggesting both are polluted,full of sewage and debris from old industries, such as the mining industry, and then refuse dumping in the ground, and possible water course contamination. Just a couple of lines, and then the report disappeared into taxing, commercial responsibilities, and the thread of a commercial accounts report in detail On DEFRA.
    Most enlightening:- I personally found missing was that general government financial, monetary, and personal policies paramount, and the Fundamental Policy of what Political is the vision of DEFRA was/is ABSENT!
    A report to be recommended to the LLLP for clarification.
    AS an Aide Memoir I found that the policies for exiting The European Union, disjointed and encouraging to BODJ to wave his hands in the air, and to look for a comb, while he adjusts his thoughts and parting {From POWER?} sorry hair?

  2. what yorkshire has to do with this blog, I have no idea, but Alas I cannot play for yorkshire at cricket, as a lancie?

  3. tuesday 18 AUG TO days daily Mail front page, Question who is the ring master? who is the clown? laurel or hardy?

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