Our attention has turned to the mysteriously named “BEIS”. It doesn’t even call itself a Department. Headed up by Alok Sharma it sounds like the next James Bond movie. It seems to be a hotch-potch of odds and ends that don’t fit in to other areas or maybe nobody wants to handle. It is a hastily put together grouping that only cost a mere £ 7.5 billion.
As well as its Secretary of State, it has five Government Ministers, who are supported by a Permanent Secretary, who is assisted by 7 Director Generals, who in turn have 40 Directors and a total of 3,776 staff. So they must be doing very, very important work on our behalf. Strange that we don’t hear much about them, I guess it must be hush hush !
At the last count they had taken on more staff probably to cope with leaving the European Union— they now have 4,420 staff. Although it is a lot more than that, because they are full time equivalents (FTE’s) , meaning there are a lot of part-time staff who are grouped together as FTE’s to make the numbers look smaller. But it it even more deceitful than that, because on top of the 4,420 staff there are another 14,260 in ALB,s ( arms length bodies) like the Met Office.
Their title stands for “ Business, Energy and Industrial Strategy ”. That is probably why they are keeping their heads down, because we are not doing too well on that front :-
- Business’s have been locked down due to Coronapop and many will find it hard to reopen ever again.
- Energy costs have risen and our coal mines have all been shut down, our North Sea oil is running out and our Nuclear Power stations are past their sell by dates. Let’s hope the wind blows and the sun shines a lot in the years ahead.
- Industrial Strategy is not really needed when you don’t have much industry left.
Here is the LLLP script for tonight’s Boris broadcast :-
“The BEIS has worked tirelessly for the last few years closing down industry, increasing energy costs and locking down businesses. I am very proud of what they have achieved, but maybe before they do any more damage, we should ask your opinion. Do you agree they are doing a good job? If you vote YES , they will keep at it, closing things down. In the event of a NO vote, we won’t be able to make them redundant, because it will cost a fortune, so we will put them on a treadmill to generate some energy 🤡”
YES, KEEP THEM 0%
NO, PUT THEM ON THE WHEEL 100%
FORECAST SAVING £ 7.5 billion.
From now on I will speed up the investigation, before it bores the pants off me 🤡