LLLP INVESTIGATES the BEIS ?

This Last Laugh Looney Party is still on its relentless search to find out what Central Government Departments are upto with our money.

Our attention has turned to the mysteriously named “BEIS”.    It doesn’t even call itself a Department.     Headed up by Alok Sharma it sounds like the next James Bond movie.   It seems to be a hotch-potch of odds and ends that don’t fit in to other areas or maybe nobody wants to handle.   It is a hastily put together grouping that only cost a mere £ 7.5 billion. 
As well as its Secretary of State, it has five Government Ministers, who are supported by a Permanent Secretary,  who is assisted by 7 Director Generals, who in turn have 40 Directors and a total of 3,776 staff.   So they must be doing very, very important work on our behalf.      Strange that we don’t hear much about them, I guess it must be hush hush !

At the last count they had taken on more staff probably to cope with leaving the European Union— they now have 4,420 staff.   Although it is a lot more than that, because they are full time equivalents (FTE’s) , meaning there are a lot of part-time staff who are grouped together as FTE’s to make the numbers look smaller.     But it it even more deceitful than that, because on top of the 4,420 staff there are another 14,260 in ALB,s ( arms length bodies) like the Met Office.

Their title stands for “ Business, Energy and Industrial Strategy ”.     That is probably why they are keeping their heads down, because we are not doing too well on that front :-

  • Business’s have been locked down due to Coronapop and many will find it hard to reopen ever again.
  • Energy costs have risen and our coal mines have all been shut down, our North Sea oil is running out and our Nuclear Power stations are past their sell by dates.    Let’s hope the wind blows and the sun shines a lot in the years ahead.
  • Industrial Strategy is not really needed when you don’t have much industry left.

Here is the LLLP script for tonight’s Boris broadcast :-

“The BEIS has worked tirelessly for the last few years closing down industry, increasing energy costs and locking down businesses.    I am very proud of what they have achieved,  but maybe before they do any more damage, we should ask your opinion.    Do you agree they are doing a good job?     If you vote YES , they will keep at it, closing things down.       In the event of a NO vote, we won’t be able to make them redundant, because it will cost a fortune, so we will put them on a treadmill to generate some energy 🤡”

FORECAST RESULT

YES, KEEP THEM                                         0%

NO, PUT THEM ON THE WHEEL       100%

FORECAST SAVING         £ 7.5 billion.

From now on I will speed up the investigation, before it bores the pants off me 🤡

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3 Responses to LLLP INVESTIGATES the BEIS ?

  1. You Kill joy! dear John, you have interrupted my scanning of the GOV UK and the website concerning the cabinet- I think you may call it the drinks cupboard, where everyone wishes everyone else a good time on the ” gravy train.” which goes underground at Westminster, on the ‘Circle Line” and No particular district or dialect to quote upon??? Home rule for the LLLP

  2. wonderful to be cynical and vote for the LLLP. I note in the cabinet is a member nominated without portfolio? and here again when one lines up all the members of the cabinet, or that can attend, it adds up to an even number??? Even the Rt Hon Prime Minister does not have a casting vote, and a motion can be blocked as what ever is put forward? A bad day for a majority decision in Government/cabinet policy.
    THE BEIS is interesting? I sure the minister are sure footed, and used to day to day politics: However their personal surnames suggest to me the traders from the corner shop? and their respective under secretaries, represent customers, and too boot we have a LORD who ensures his staff serve him well with all his requirement and accouterments of power.
    What a tiresome read of all theses allegedly good folk, and followers of BODJ

  3. Thinking
    Today in the media, It has been a day of reflection, for this old chap?
    The messages are full of how the educational system, and the as announced examination results for the GSE/level and the B-tech expected examination results, are being announced and accepted by the students who have undertaken these examinations.
    In reflection, I go back to my younger adult days, and college days as a mature student, and the many hours spent in discussion about how examinations were conducted.
    In the majority of time my examinations were just so! Nominated days taking and writing written examination answers on a, a prescribed form, at a prescribed and nominated time, in an examination hall, with other candidates. The examination results were based on the intellectual writings by me on that day. I had to achieve a minimum pass mark per subject and an overall average minimum pass mark to attain the PASS award. IF one achieved above average overall average mark, one was awarded with commendations for achievement-
    The mock examinations, assessment to sit the finial examination on the publicised date was by teachers assessment and attendance records at college/school, and did not influence the examination results obtained by sitting the examinations on the nominated days.
    In the olden days or days gone past student privately could public ally sit a written examination, at a centre of education, without written proof of studying the subject [or studying it privately] by paying a fee-entrance fee.
    Conclusion
    The current media is all up in arms and confusing the system of academic achievement of today.
    Examinations maybe be based upon course attendance and weekly work returns, confirmed by a finial examination: Or by a one off end of course examination in certain subjects.
    What is confusing in the current media reports is the student with the comments that they have not obtained their personal expected results, and all results being amended and based upon course work. Again at the end of the day further education establishments only have a limited number of physical places, and as in my day: Only the top percentage of candidates can be accepted. If on looks in depth at the percentages of bright { top students with maximum pass marks}. then on some years the system may have highly brilliant students, where as on another year, there may be no top marks students, just a large proportion of medium achievable marked students, and so some of the students by physical numbers have to be referred for further examinations [AT A RISK? On not achieving the top marks]. It is life’s lottery???
    One has to proceed through life with honesty and integrity, and to take the opportunities as they may appear all though later life.

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