LLLP INVESTIGATES DfESE

7 The Last Laugh Looney Party is nearing the end of its examination of Government spending and is almost drowning under the waffle of paperwork produced to justify so much expenditure.   £Billions could be saved already, but the three biggest spenders are still to come.
The first is the Department of Education, Skills and Employment, with a wacking great budget of £ 107 billion.    It provides education for 4.7 million primary school children and 3.3 million secondary pupils.    This is achieved with 452,000 teachers.   That works out at 1 teacher for every 16 pupils, which seems considerably different to my school days.
There are also 1.6 million students in further education and 214,000 more in apprenticeships.

The Annual Report is full of acronyms :- NDPB, ESFA, STA, TRA, OCC, CITB, ECITB, FITB, FATE, OFS, SWE, SCC, STRB, SMC and probably several more letters after their name.      So you had best get a GCSE in acronyms before reading the report.    Goodness knows how the politicians are supposed to get a grip on this mammoth department, which probably explains why they change Secretaries of State so frequently.   Gavin Hinds, Michael Gove and Gavin Williamson just in the last three years.

The Annual Report is as boring as all the others, so no “A stars“ for the teacher.

Carefully buried amongst all this guff is a note about the Student Loans Authority which sold off some of its loan portfolio and lost a billion pounds in the process.   I suppose they just didn’t want to make a fuss about it.    What’s a £billion between friends ?

At the end of all this I looked at the U.K. PISA tables.     Nothing to do with leaning towers.    PISA is the OECD programme of international student assessment, which compares educational attainment in different countries.    In reading the UK ranks 13th below China, Singapore, Poland and a host of others,;  similarly we are 18th in maths and 14th in science.   Not exactly top of the class.

The LLLP  script for Bodj’s latest broadcast  on the future of education :-     The  DfESE should try harder, pay more attention in school and stop messing about with all the acronyms !

“As a result of Coronapop I have had to close all the schools  and pay the teachers for doing nothing.   The good news is that we have given all the pupils record results this year in spite of them not going to school.      So in the years ahead if we carry on this way we will rise up the PISA league tables faster than Liverpool Football Club.

In the meantime the DfESE  should write a hundred lines “ We won’t lose a billion pounds ever again and we are very,  very sorry”.

FORECAST SAVING         £ 50 BILLION

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4 Responses to LLLP INVESTIGATES DfESE

  1. Patience please, I need time to sit my 11+, and then take my GSE ‘O’ Levels, and then sit down with intent and take my GCE ‘A’Levels, then enter the university of ‘life’, learn all what LIFE is about/ and finally to take my thesis or PhD in ‘LIFE’ and compose a written few words of ideals/confusion/ and may be on clarity? on what life has TAUGHT ME? Knowt Laddie? Just be aware of pitfalls, and grateful for that occasional helping hand!

  2. Smile among all this, or words of wisdom,on how to educate the masses, and collect our children and young adults and start of the school year and the ‘academic year’ for those attending higher forms of education.
    The government machine is working overtime in these times of Corvid-19, it is all for us to observe and comply with common sense, and ”come again” as a society of compassion, feelings and consideration, and those welcome but occasional smiles.

  3. Good golly miss molly?
    PISA, or is it a mouthful of pizza, with cheese and the other fillings running down the cheeks? GOOD GOD! Dear John and the LLLP committee what the hell are you being knowledgeable about today? Please inform me in plain English, not waves of information, in small print over some 30+ pages of A4.
    Firstly I could find no attribute to the authors, and what their singular purpose of their published work was to attain, and a satisfactory conclusion, so that the countries of lower/Different academic standards could correct their educational systems and help establish a unique worldwide standard of education, where all students had the same BASE Knowledge?
    It was a most dry read done by scanning not too much detail?
    I am at a loss, what is in education, a common language utilised in the transfer of information =English/french/latin/ russian/spanish/german/ Japanise/chinese/arabic, ETC=. I note teachers and children/students, can be upset, and were demoted in an expression or two to some advance mathematical equation, which again the quotient factors were not explained- Age/sex/family/country ect.-
    What is life? what is education in its finest form? I believe it is the ability to understand with, and communicate your fellow man/woman, and your joint concerns for a safe world, and to trade in commerce {Food/money/land clothing/assets} equitably, and in agreement!
    School is but a building block, university, an understanding of basic life requirements, and then travel, trade and barter is the way of living a life safely and at peace, hopefully.
    AS for this paper the thoughts behind it may be honourable, but too me it is a load of ‘Gobbledee GOOK’

  4. LLLP Investigates Dfese, I keep looking at the ‘HEADLINE’ and woe be-tied me all I read through my rose coloured spectacles is ” LLLP Investigates Disease”, and all I can say I am ‘word-bound or is it ‘moribound’ in my small word of my interpretation of the english language. I sit once again upon my throne, surrounded by good intentions, and words and phrases that escape my simple mind?.

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