Dear Mr Sharma

Completely out of the blue I received a letter today from a Government Minister.    Not just any old Government Minister, but a Cabinet Minister !   Frequently seen on TV. —-  The Secretary of State for Business Energy And Industrial Strategy —— The Rt Hon  Alok Sharma MP.

I have to admit I was somewhat taken aback, because I haven’t heard from Alok for ages.    In fact never.     It is all the more surprising when you think that only a few months ago I was recommending that his Department be abolished.    ( See my post in the Archive dated 19 August 2020 )

Here is my reply which I have decided to send as an open letter :-

Dear Alok,

How nice to hear from you and thank you for sending me “the new rules for business with the EU.”     I was beginning to wonder if Brexit would ever happen.
Your letter is addressed to the GrumbleSmiles Trust and I think you may have slightly misunderstood our purpose.    Still I will try to respond to each of the paragraphs in your letter.

  1. New rules on exporting and importing goods to and from the EU.    You really don’t need to worry too much about this.   The last time I came back from Europe I only had a couple of bottles of wine and some smelly French cheese.   I promise I will get them at Tesco’s in future.     As for “exports”,  the GrumbleSmiles Trust did suggest sending all MPs to Spain, but Outer Mongolia would be another option, if you would prefer.
  2. New rules for recruitment overseas.               We actually don’t have any staff at the moment, they were all furloughed at the time of the first lockdown.    If we do decide to recruit from abroad, I have made a note that we will need a license.     Will my driving license be okay for this?       We will only recruit from New Zealand because of their excellent record with Caronapop and their ability to play rugby a lot better than anyone else.
  3. Selling manufactured goods.              I have grown rather a lot of carrots this year during the lockdown, but I am not sure they would qualify as manufactured goods.    Perhaps you could give me a ruling on this ?
  4. Moving goods into, out of, or through of Northern Ireland.     I don’t think I will be sending my carrots to Northern Ireland, but if I do I will be sure to stick to the new Protocol.    To be sure.

I must say Alok, that with your 5 Government Ministers, 7 Director Generals, 40 Directors  and 4,420 staff working tirelessly for the past eleven months, you have done a remarkable job producing this one page letter.    Everything is so much clearer to me now.

Finally, I do like your catchy little slogan :-


I  have emptied my pockets and  counted  my money.     Now where on earth can I go during lockdown ?

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7 Responses to Dear Mr Sharma

  1. Is this the keeper of the mint?? ” too good to hurry mint”? It is going along fine, he is buggering about? Why? I may ask as a disappointed voter. I am all excited, looking forward to that September’s/ Octobers message from the treasury to the nation, as to what one may expect in the April 2021 budget??? Never mind we are approaching christmas, and santa claus, that unexpected present? ” good lord- Christ? Jesus? More blasphemy?? And then Hogmany and all those ” piss ups” in parliament, while us the electorate wait for the revelations of a good word, and a budget that may make sense. All i can add it is probably going to be spherical objects,? “” all balls” Still may be BODJ is going to be the new saint , or is that a leader of vision, or as first lord of the treasury? I must go to Spec savers for those new ” rose coloured specs”???

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  2. It is not the keeper of the mint, but the lord of industry who claims to keep the wheels on the wagon, and turning around? I think we have come full circle? And the wheels have fallen off as we all go into, or come out??? What is of lockdown, spend our monies, and have as yet no full employment or income? But vacant promises of time of work on furlough!!! Who employs who or whom? What is the future for an economic recovery for the nation, or is that just a dream for the older 50+ generation, who may face an uncertain future, nothing in the shops no transport, and a ” buzz” of an electrical transformer generating lots of hot air??? To warm our hearts this forthcoming winter?

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  3. It is exciting as a member reader of smiles and grumbles website??? This morning i have learnt that the Smiles and Grumbles Website means such a lot of things to our parliamentary cohorts?? For instance we have a ” TRUST” or more corectly are we the “TRUSS” enveagled into supporting current political thoughts and ‘ Dogma’ out of parliament, or even No 10 as of present?
    Or do we all resort to the smiles and grumbles political party of the Moment? The LAST Laugh LONNIE PARTY~ LLLP, and take our morning tablets??? As we read the “Bloggs of the day”,? Wonderful, one has ones hands in one Truss!~pockets~as if to say? What does one feel, knickers! Or a a load of balls? Definetly no monies????
    By the way one can donate ones empty thoughts the the LLLP for a few moments of common sense? Should we all have any? Money is no object? Furlough is just to pass the time of day?

  4. As i think about the baubles, and the star, i shall remove from my christmas decorations box to hang on my real plastic tree? I am struck by the many a hue and colour of them all! Then the star is it to be silver, or a golden one?
    Time to stop and reflect!, mum and dad, my early years, as a child, and pose the question[s] have we improved as a society, even taking into account the LLLP, and that ever decreasing circle looking for a bit of common sense??
    Hamburg, and the CCG in Germany when i was a toddler? In central Hamburg by the alster, was the ” naffi” store for all british families, where one was required to but foodstuffs-[which one had to carry home in sealed canvas shopping bags, closed by a zipper], colthing, furniture, and other personal knick knacks? One was not forbidden but actively encouraged not to trade in any form of german shop or business, as this was the ” black market” and as the german population were on rations, and restricted in movement fratenisation was actively discouraged. As a child i was a mere obseverr, whoever it brought many an emotional and societal problem to the older british CCG population. Like lockdown in todays world, and the basic question who is right?
    As one looked out of the 3 rd floor “Naffi” cafe’s window, one could see the bomb destruction from the recent war, all that stood on the skyline was the st nichollas catherdral, and the “rauthouse”= town hall to you and me?. Transport back to our home/flat was by a bus- british services bus [ german staff] but not permitted to give the general german Hamburg population a ride. Again if we went home by water ferry we had to board a white ferry, a green one was for the german population only. A telling city visited was Brunswick, and its “Hitler-Nazi health farm where the blonde Hitler youth were encourage to meet and procreate the “Ayrian race”?? A tale too far?? In my mind!
    As a youngster what struck me and is in my memory is the bomb damage? I have no further thoughts than the cruelty of war, and its after affects and i just wonder where we will be in a few years time with corvid-19???

  5. Just refreashing is this the guys and dolls who will deliver “” Britex”?? We must wait and see ??

  6. I am over the moon, today the daily (rag) mail declared that it was, is ” black friday” in the uk, and we should all spend money? There again reading the intelligentsia pages of this comic, i am totally confused?? And there are no balanced view points against any one particular problem reported upon?,
    I just felt at my delicate age of many a year, i am at school or college studying life in the goldfish bowl of education?
    How does one spell Calvanist? And are these moral do gooders and believers in the Wee church, and the non drinking prophercies of the belivers? Boris in one foul swoop has up set them, by shedding tiers [dry ones at that] of the definition of a public house is a full blown restsaurant! Hurrah, no unfettered drinking?
    Then to be even more excited i wet my pants as i read a dream piece on electric motors, and the total co2 [ carbon monoxide/ dioxide} output in the future world of ours producing not reducuing the output of co2 gasses. We all go back to school energy can neither be created or destroyed, and what the world requires us maybe to do is plant more woodland- natures way of converting co2 to oxygen, but there again the ” greens” in this world may be object as we all go back to cave dwelling? And no central heating on an economy basis, than to chop all the planted trees for fuel.
    So it is all to me a black friday, i object ” bame” where is the compassion and reason,, are we all being asked to put on our “sunday faces” and scowl? While we sit there with our index finger up our fundemental orfice????

  7. Here i am lost? Reading an english!!! Sunday newspaper- the mail on sunday, and two articles where the word “WOKE”” is utalised without a definition?? One has to resort to the net/web and read the inferences, and definition!!!
    It is upsetting that the press, english at that are resorting to slang of America USA without a clear definition?? If there is to be a reading and understanding of the slave trade, then please for my sake state the facts and language in clear precise terms, not innuendos of allegations.
    “””BAME and now WOKE””, and the allegations in this mail on sunday edition 29 11 2020 of eton school, the national trust, and the charities board of the uk???
    Please state the languages and the slang used and its derivation, so one can assess the facts with a clear mind, and non prejudial view point??

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