Coronapop is still raging around the country, in spite of the Governments second lockdown and Bodj’s Churchillian exhortations on TV to “ Fight the virus on the beaches”. The trouble seems to be that infected people are still going out and not doing as they are instructed by the Test-Track-&-Tracers to “STAY IN”.
The Stay Home Secretary- Pretty Aweful is intending to fine all the law breakers. That is provided the police can catch them. Let’s hope they are better at it than their record with other criminals.
In the meantime the Ill-Health Secretary – Matt Cock-up is considering offering people who test positive a £500 bribe to stop in, but he is not clear how this will be enforced.
The Last Laugh Looney Party has a bolder idea. Now that money is no object, why not make it a bonus prize of £1,000 tax free per week until they test positive again. Hoards of people will be running to see their GP to get tested and it will only cost a piddling £ billion a week. Of course there would have to be a guarantee of compliance. This could be easily achieved by learning from the Chinese and boarding up the houses of infected people after throwing in two weeks supply of Markus Rashford food parcels. That should get the R number down to Q or even P, in no time at all.
Problem solved ! Everybody tested and after two weeks you have your “Dead or Alive “ answer. It seemed to work in Wuhan 🤡