LLLP Daft Ideas for Scotland

The local election season is nearly upon us and all sorts of aspiring politicians will be putting forward their thoughts on how they will change the world.   So the Last Laugh Looney Party is  floating a few random proposals to see if any might be taken up.    Starting with Bonny Scotland.

Since the establishment of regional Governments, the Scottish Parliament has been a persistent irritation in the UK.      What’s more they have had the benefits of the Barmy formula, which gives them more money per person than the rest of the UK.      And yet they still bang on about leaving the Union and joining the European Disunion.       How ungrateful can you get !

So the Last Laugh Looney Party proposes we have a trial separation for one year and let them pretend to be independent to see how they get on.   With a few conditions :-

  • All Scottish Nationalist Politicians must change their name by deed poll so they can be clearly identified.  They must all have a fishy surname like their leaders — Cod …  Herring … Hake … Mullet  ….. Snapper …. Flounder …. Trout …. Carp  …… Barrcuda.  …. Eel …. Grouper ….
  • All those elected should always wear kilts.
  • All unemployed Scots, which will be most of them if they leave the UK for good, should start rebuilding Hadrian’s wall —— by hand  just like the Romans.   We will need a hard border if they vote for independence.
  • And they had better have wind farms everywhere once the oil runs out.

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4 Responses to LLLP Daft Ideas for Scotland

  1. A point of order! Please dear chairman of the LAST LAUGH LOONIE PARTY, from the Ragamuffin society.
    The above post is trawling the depths of this subject by that “old trout” a wilely old woman or man, who may sugeest be are better left on our ownsome, than with those ” haggis bashing” frocked fairies in their fancy tartans.
    But then they may not be highlanders of an open mind, but some lowlander belly crawling glaswegian, or edinburgh toff, or even a boarder scot from gretna, hoping to elope with the crown of england, supporting some charaton like harry and megan in disney world in California??
    Where oh where do we go as reasonable Brits, to the depths of the sea? Or afternoon teas with the church and archbishop, or again in history putting writings only of our past on the toilet walls???
    I wonder, just wonder?
    Question are we a united nation or a ” has-been” nation, please who is scribbling in the sand our history of today? What does history and beliefs in ourselves mean?? Who wrote WOKE AND BAME, for instance who were they, what is their history of the past generations? What did their leaders beleive in tribalism, or equal opportunies for all?
    Mr salmon, and mrs stergeon have a dish to cook and explain the fishy ingredients and the taste of that sauce that makes home rule for Scotland a palatable dish.-

  2. Now then a what is the problem? we have two old ladies the SNP and the LLLP vying for our attention, like two old ladies looked in a lavatory!
    The SNP are like Yorkshire persons with their ”brains” kicked out, and the LLLP like Yorkies with no definition, of where or who they may belong too?
    IN the past a gentleman’s version of a Yorkshire person was ”One who may play Cricket for the County of Yorkshire;; That was in the days of the old county definition and its 3 Ridings
    Now a Tyke? a Tees-sider, Humber-sider, Sheffield and south Yorkshire, and in the dales a Lancastrian and or a Cumberland resident may lay claim to being a player for the Yorkshire Cricket Team?? What a load of Trash, and old faggots/ Who has heard of such a mixture. The SNP? I doubt it? they still sing ‘Scotland the brave’?;; However where does that leave us all as a united kingdom.
    The 2 old ladies locked in the lavatory discussing the state of affairs’, may be they are playing with the metaphorical draws? -”On or Off”’ Anyhow they are only there from Monday To Saturday; On Sunday we may all go like them to church and listen to the ‘WEE Church Minister, or the Liverpool cardinal. or even the Archbishop of York, and wait their many words of wisdom?
    What say you???

  3. Oh! Dear me! while the persons in charge of the UK political system debate and chatter, and the LLLP add comments Willie Nillie into the fold, I as a ragamuffin must just drift and dream. The weather here yester day was bright but cold 6th April 2021, the about 17.00 the skies darkened and the heavens opened up, lots of snow, quite a blizzard for 30 Minutes. Snow on the ground giving a white mantle: The snow has remained over night and it is still cold!
    Like the weather I have had a change of mind, drifting in and out of my 70 + odd years, wondering if I have seen all this before?? Maybe but not with the Corvid-19 Lockdown, and all the good words BODJ describes from the stairs of No.10.
    My first drift morphically (Snow drift), was to my time in 46/9 in Hamburg and my pocket money ‘BAFS’ [british army forces S????0 currency I spent in the local ‘NAFFI’ shop.
    There again in my younger school years tobogganing on Littlemoor or on the local golf links with all our school mates, Memories of ‘bagwash, john, and duncan and the nettleton family’? Then my later teen age years? all those girls at school, who was making eyes at who? school plays at christmas and being forcibly cast with some young lady, I just thought OOH!! UGGH!! and thinking I hope I do not grow up? Then College and those books and technical terms of engineering and some young lady who thought I was the BEES Knees, at the local ballroom dancing academy, I was being shoe horned into a box! sometimes enjoying it. I enjoyed the dance band music especially at the interval with the organ player on the Wurlitzer playing all those happy tunes in strict tempo. Could I Dance could I hell? but never mind my soul was with the music. Then My sea days and the foreign lands with my ship mates, no money but sometimes a joyful time other times just purely hard work both onboard ship in the engine room, or in a remote port, kissing a camel or 2 by the Egyptian pyramids.
    The wonderful fate, I met Molly at the dancehall of my youth Wetherby, we were married and went to sea Molly’s first ship 7 wives all together, enjoyable, then the 2 nd trip a workhorse of a ship we after an eventful voyage some 4 months out after fighting with engine room defects broke down in the Indian ocean, and we where adrift no power, no lights, basic cooking facilities for a crew of some 60 Souls; no water, only by bucket form the storage tanks or over the side from the ‘Hoggin’-salt water LOOS and toilets for a total of 11 days. We made our destination just! : where the company cavalry arrived to save our bacon.
    Then home More sea time for me, and caring for our children by Molly. The rest of married life has been a journey, like todays/yesterdays weather good and bad, and that odd struggle. Then as I and Molly retired from full time work [2002] we then met up [2005] with John Graham OBE- Other buggers efforts and his vision of old age for living in an Extracare Charities Retirement Village- It has worked out fine for MOLLY and I, some points need a little polishing, but the memories and the journey have been most sunny and enjoyable.
    My time todate, pleasant dreams, not so many nightmares: You may ask am I still handsome to those young ladies of my school years? To which I answer I have no idea, I have no hair to speak off? :However in this Corvid outbreak I have found a few grey hairs that need attention, my task now in life is to be truthful to my self and the children, grand children and great grand children, and responding when asked the question ‘Grandpa” I answer with respect and I hope love.

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