Now that the Last Laugh Looney Party is in the Cabinet we are bound by Cabinet responsibility not to divulge our confidential discussions to anyone.   However in the spirit of “Open Government”, which our Prime Miniser says she is committed to, I am sure Theresa ( or Tezz as she prefers to be known by her close friends ), won’t mind if I give you a hint of how our negotiations over Brexit are going.

In fact, it is only fair to say, they are not going too well so far.  The Europeans are demanding £ billions before we even start talking and the British team are repeating Maggie Thatcher’s last message about the European Union………. “NO,NO,NO.”

Ever since we agreed to take over the bankrupt Greek islands, the LLLP got on with Mr Jean Claude Junker a lot better.   So we are trying to move forward with some of our own manifesto ideas.

Oddly enough it struck the rest of the Cabinet as strange that we should want to honour our manifesto promises.    Several of my Cabinet colleagues said “now that we are in power we should be able to move forward with all the things that were too difficult to mention before the Election.    It is only the Opposition parties that keep harping on about all the things they would have done, if only the voters had had the good sense to elect them”.

They were all especially surprised when we wanted to open the Brexit negotiations with “Packaging”.    They all felt this was far too small a detailed idea to be bothered with but accepeted if that was all the LLLP wanted to talk about, let them get on with it, while they concentrate on the bigger ideas like global trade and immigration.  Still, the E. U. were delighted because they thought it was it was a small concession to make in exchange for a few billion euros.

All 27 countries of the EU reluctantly accepted that they would no longer transport food to the UK in shrink wrapped packaging, which in the past it has enabled them to send weeks old fruit and veg across the channel as if it was picked yesterday.  Of course it was recognised that after a transition period, there would be a dramatic reduction in imported European fruit and veg.  On the positive side this would revive the British agricultural industry and significantly increase the demand for tomatoes from the Channel Islands, which is especially good news for the Island Republic.

I should be able to “leak” more of our progress with our packaging negotiations next week.

Following the demise of the British Empire, the Last Laugh Looney Party, is not quite sure what British Overseas Territories it still owns.  But whatever, it has decided to claim them for the Last Laugh Looney Party Island Republic.     I have currently got my old stamp album out and I am looking at where they may all be.

Certainly the British Virgin Islands would be worth having because of all the money deposited there by UK citizens trying to avoid tax.

Anguilla, Bermuda and the Cayman Islands would definitely be worth adding to the Republics island portfolio because they not only have nice beaches, but a lot of banks to look after everyone’s money.

The Cocos Islands is also something we would like to acquire as John’s Dad was there in the war.  Although I am not sure if they were ever part of the British  Empire.

Saint Helena is way out in the South Atlantic and includes Ascension and Tristan Da Cuna.   They have nice stamps but virtually nothing else.   Still it was a good place to imprison  Napoleon for a while.   We could use it again to reintroduce transportation of all politicians who say nasty things about old people 😀😀😀

Then there are the South Sandwich Islands, they must be part of the Subway chain.  We will have them for lunch.

The British Antarctic Territory would be a great acquisition just in case all the mad scientists are right about global warming.    There are 70 scientists  there right now trying to prove it!     The only problem is that if it gets too hot there might not be too much of it left.      It will have all melted !

It’s probably a bit too late to claim back New Zealand and Australia but it’s worth looking at.   Especially if the All Blacks can be recruited to join the Leicester Tigers en masse.

As the Brexit negotiations became more difficult, the European Union has demanded that Britain take responsibility for all the bankrupt Greek islands, including Corfu, Crete and half of Cyprus; plus a few other islands with unpronouncable names and occasional volcanic eruptions.     This will pay off most of the £100 billion British financial settlement with the EU.

In turn the UK Government has agreed to transfer the Greek islands, debt free, to the Last Laugh Looney Party Island Republic.

The Last Laugh Looney Party Island Republic with its Cunard ships, Virgin planes and trains and Greek islands, is now the largest tour company in the world.