GrumbleSmiles

BREXIT obviously isn’t going to happen very quickly, so the Last Laugh Looney Party is gearing up for the European Parliamentary Elections by preparing its Manifesto.     The LLLP must admit they are scraping the barrel trying to find candidates to stand in the European Elections.    Fortunately, they have found somebody who is almost exactly like Nigel Farage, except he drinks cider rather than beer.   This is the next contribution from a GrumbleSmiles character – Ciderman.

Ciderman has quite a lot to say – hicc – about European MPs.

First of all he thinks the German Euro MPs should stop drinking so much lager, because it makes them – hicc – too aggressive.  And we all know that we don’t want another war because then the Brits would have to come and sort it out again.

Secondly, Ciderman thinks – hicc – that the French and the Italians and even the Spanish should all drink a lot less wine because it makes them sleepy in the afternoons and they don’t get much work done.

Ciderman solution – hicc – is that Euro MPs should drink a lot more British cider.  That way they would have a lot more fun.   Hicc – and he also recommends that they should do a lot more leaning on fences instead of jumping in with both feet and dreaming up more and more regulations – hicc.

Ciderman says :-

“Cheers, here’s to a BREXIT exit”

BREXIT obviously isn’t going to happen very quickly, so the Last Laugh Looney Party is gearing up for the European Parliamentary Elections by preparing its Manifesto.  Everyone seems to be saying that we should have a softer BREXIT, so the LLLP has come up with a master stroke of enlisting the help of Teddies.    This is based on the idea that a group of Teddy Bears are likely to be just as effective as a whole parliament of European MPs.   The next contribution from a GrumbleSmiles character – Tidy Up Teddy.

To start with, Tidy Up Teddy would give all the European MPs a hug and tell them to stop arguing with each other.

Next Tidy Up Teddy would suggest that they scrap all their regulations and start again after Britain has exited.    That way they can have as many regulations as they like in future but none of them will apply to the UK.

Tidy Up Teddy would suggest that there are no cuddly toy regulations so that Teddies can do what they like, when they like.    They also suggest that the Europeans should be much kinder to animals and stop eating horses.

Finally, Tidy Up Teddy suggests, that there should be an annual European Convention for cuddly toys.   This should be set up on an all expenses paid basis with funds provided by the European Commission to celebrate the final exit of Britain from the European experiment.

Oh and one more thing, on behalf of the Steiff Teddies that come from Germany, Tidy Up Teddy wants to say “will you stop pinning labels in our ears”.

Tidy Up Teddy says :-

“Votes for Teddies make happy people”

BREXIT obviously isn’t going to happen very quickly, so the Last Laugh Looney Party is gearing up for the European Parliamentary Elections by preparing its Manifesto.   This is the next contribution from a GrumbleSmiles character – Coco.

Coco is hoping to be the first dog to be elected to the European Parliament.

She thinks that the European MPs are barking mad and that doggie issues are under-represented in the European Parliament.    She will campaign for better dog food and more treats.   Also dogs should be included in the European Freedom of Movement Regulations.  They should be allowed to travel freely anywhere in Europe, on trains, planes and boats.

And go into restaurants and pubs everywhere, and get  biscuits.   And not be made to sit under tables.

And go into art galleries where there should be more dogs featured in artworks.    And go to cinemas and see more leading roles for dogs  – what ever happened to Lassie 2, Lassie 3 and  Lassie 4 ?

Coco says :-

“Equal rights for dogs !”

BREXIT still, obviously, definitely isn’t going to happen very quickly, so the Last Laugh Looney Party is gearing up for the European Parliamentary Elections by preparing its Manifesto.   This is the next contribution from GrumbleSmiles character – Pilly and Astroglax.

Pilly and her GP Astroglax are standing on a joint ticket for the European Parliamentary elections.    It will be the first time a couple have been elected to European Parliament but they figured they could get twice as many expenses that way.   Their expertise is “Pills” and they will campaign for people in Britain to take less pills and people in Europe to take more pills.

Pilly says :-

“A pill a day to make Europe go away”

BREXIT definitely isn’t going to happen very quickly, so the Last Laugh Looney Party is gearing up for the European Parliamentary Elections by preparing its Manifesto.   This is the next contribution from a GrumbleSmiles character – Red Tape Crusader.

Everyone knows that the whole European Parliamentary venture is wrapped in kilometres of red tape.   The Red Tape Crusader is determined to free Britain from all of that.   His first campaign in the European Parliament will be to make sure that everything in future is done online.   This should save a European mountain of paperwork.

All new European legislation will be published on Twitter and only allowed to be 140 characters.    Each member of the European Parliament will be allowed one Tweet a year and then only if it is approved by all 27 other members.

Every European Parliamentary country will have a veto on any proposed Tweet which changes any new regulation.   That should slow the red tape down quite a bit.

Meanwhile the Red Tape Crusader will arbitrarily cut out huge swathes of European Regulation which many European countries take no notice of anyway.

Red Tape Man says :-

“No more European regulation”

BREXIT still isn’t going to happen very quickly, so the Last Laugh Looney Party is gearing up for the European Parliamentary Elections by preparing its Manifesto.   This is the next contribution from a GrumbleSmiles character – Package Eater.

Package Eater is a ferocious campaigner against excess packaging.   Therefore he will insist that all lorries coming from Europe to the UK must be inspected at the border.   Any excess packaging must be thrown away before the lorries are allowed to enter the UK, which means that European rubbish tips will need to be established at all European ports and airports.

A recent investigation carried out by the LLLP found that most goods sent to the UK from Europe have been in transit for at least 3 months in hot temperatures which is why they have to be tripple wrapped in plastic.    Some of the flowers sent from Holland we’re grown four years ago and have been in refrigerated trucks awaiting a group of refugee asylum seekers.    The final insult was when the  LLLP exposed a wine scam where cheap plonk from Chile was imported to France and then relabelled as vintage Chateaunuef de Pap for sale in the UK .  All with Conman Agricultural Subsidy paid for by the British Government contribution to Europe.

Thankfully none of this is fake news and you can totally trust LLLP politicians 🤡

Since the LLLP adopted Sir David Attenborough as its Honorary European President of Packaging, it is particularly important in the Manifesto to ensure that no plastic ever enters the UK from Europe.

Package Eater says :-

“European plastic’s not fantastic”

BREXIT obviously isn’t going to happen very quickly, so the Last Laugh Looney Party is gearing up to stand in the European Parliamentary Elections by preparing its Manifesto.   This is the first contribution from a GrumbleSmiles candidate – Clean Up Man.

Clean Up Man will do exactly what it says on the box.   He will set about cleaning up everything in Europe.   He knows it’s a big job, but he is planning to organise a fleet of drones to fly all over the 27 European countries spraying them with lavender air freshener to help everybody calm down.   This should also be a big boost to lavender farmers throughout Norfolk, where Clean Up Man is hoping to be elected as their Euro MP.

The second flight of the drone Brexiteer squadron will send over a less pleasant surprise.    The smell of fish and chips will be sniffed throughout Europe to remind them all that it our fish and they should stop stealing them.

Finally in the battle for Britain the squadron will fly over all the European capitals towing Union Jacks and endlessly playing “God save the Queen” until they all give up say we can leave immediately.    At that point the LLLP will demand that the European Commission pays us £39 billion as a divorce settlement  😀😀😀😀

Clean Up Man says :-

“We need a European clean break”

If you don’t clean yourselves up, we will send Mr Dyson over to Europe with all his vacuum cleaners and he will sort you out because we know what a keen BREXITEER Mr Dyson is.     Although sadly he is now moving his operation to Singapore.