Icebergs don’t have ears!

Travelling across the Atlantic to New York on the Queen Mary 2– a voyage to a new life of retirement.  Following in the long lost wake of the Titanic, and shortly to pass over her last resting place.

It’s been foggy all day yesterday and all night, and still there is no visibility as the dawn breaks on today.  The passengers on board never can see where they are going, they just have to have blind faith in the Captain, his crew and technology!

To older people who grew up without it, whenever is technology reassuring ?     

If we can see in the dark with it, why does the fog horn have to be sounded relentlessly day and night every two minutes  ?                                                                                                                                       

What’s out there in our way?

Why did I watch all those old films?  You would not call a film about Titanic “A Night to Remember” if you were on a ship crossing the Atlantic.

In this day and age, surely all other ships have radar and can see us coming and will get out of the way.

As I look out of the cabin window, I can see the lifeboats – but that’s not very reassuring.

If in spite of all the technology we still need fog horns for ships at sea, maybe we should go back to having men with red flags walking in front of cars to avoid accidents on the roads?

THE FOG HORN IS STILL SOUNDING BUT ICEBERGS DON’T HAVE EARS DO THEY ?

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Cast Adrift

On board with 2000 others in the luxury of Queen Mary 2.  Endless free, excellent food served by the politest of waiters.  Indeed the service for everything is first class.

The average age of the passengers must be at least 70, probably more.  They are probably the only age group who can afford the time and cost of traveling in this leisurely way; an up market seafaring Billy Butlin.  Complete with afternoon entertainment – quizzes, ballroom dancing, films, bridge, tutored classes in water colour painting and lectures in everything from jewelery to the history of the warfare state.

Thousands of retirees are paying thousands of pounds for this aimless cruising lifestyle.  A rootless self-indulgence or just reward for a life well spent.  Spending the kids’ inheritance or just cast adrift frittering it away.  Surely there is more to later life than turning in on oneself.  What were all those years of gathering the experiences of success and failure, if not to pass on that learning, so that those who follow can gain and go further.

Maybe all these grannies and granddads could be given a complementary grandchild to accompany them on their world travels so that both generations could return home the richer for having shared their experience of past lives and new ventures.

Really, this is not about cruising or spending our pension savings, nor does it require travel.  The opportunity for the young to learn from the old, and for the elderly to pass on their lifetime of lessons sits on our doorstep every day, waiting to be taken up.

Can anybody add to this idea of grandparents and children working together ?

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American Tea Party

After throwing a shipfull of tea into the harbour at Boston, it’s perhaps not surprising that the Americans can’t make tea.  Maybe in a country renowned for good service, it’s more a statement of their independence from a very British tradition.

Otherwise by now several hundred years after that rebellious act they would have learned that:

A tea bag, a pot of tepid water and a jug of milk doesn’t constitute a cup of tea.

Nor do British people expect to make their own tea – surely that is an integral part of the service.

The first step to making a cup of tea is to pour the milk in the cup.  So it’s annoying when the next step is to pour the tea from the teapot into the teacup only to find the teapot only contains hot water and no tea!

Too late now to add the tea bag into the cup of luke warm milky water.  So start again!

With luck you have enough water left in the teapot to put in the teabag.  Now let it “mash” for a while.  Meanwhile try explaining to a bemused waiter what “mash” means.  (Or “steep” or “brew” or “stew”).

        A few other footnotes:-

        – A coffee cup is too small for tea.

        – Hot milk is for coffee not tea.

        – And lemon is for gin & tonic.

Posted in GRUMBLES | Tagged | 1 Comment

No Gumption

Westminster City Council, presumably in a quiet moment when there was nothing more important to do, worked out that it costs £100,000 to remove chewing gum from their streets each year; 10p a time apparently.  A deep clean would cost around £9m – quite a good investment in these times of austerity don’t you think?

Maybe they should appoint some Gum Wardens to patrol the streets and catch the offenders and then get them to clean up their mess.

SAGA Magazine with the aid of their “popular panel” attempted to turn this information into a more strategic policy.  Over 80% of their respondents supported a gum levy.  Someone then worked out that a 1p tax per piece of gum would raise £10m.  A larger tax of 10p would raise £100m.

I guess that means a £1 levy would raise £1 billion; now we are on our way to solving the debt crisis.  Alex Ferguson eat your heart out – we are on to you.

The Wrigley Company commissioned their own research into this idea and (surprise, surprise) found that more people would be likely to drop their gum if they were taxed on paying for the clean up.  Looks like we are all coming to a sticky end.

How many more things that we don’t like could we tax to solve the credit crunch ?

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Take the money or open the box

James Dyson must have been a fan of the old TV quiz game “Take your Pick”.  We bought one of his acclaimed cyclone vacuum cleaners today but did not realise that unwrapping the box the vacuum cleaner came in would be such a challenge.

Step 1      Instructions on how to open the box are on top of the box.  First instruction, lay the box on its side.  Now I can’t see the instructions any more.

Step 2.     Flip the lid – no mention of the crow bar required.

Step 3.     Lift the monster out of the box – be sure your lifting certificate is up to date.

Step 4.     Carefully dispose of the unnecessary polythene bag inside the box – it’s a danger to babies and children – it says so in English / French / German / Italian / Spanish / Chinese.  If it’s that dangerous, why use it?       And certainly don’t speak any other language.

Step 5.     The user guide – also in polythene with a warning in even more languages – some unsuspecting Russian must have put their head in this one.

The good news is the guide is only 10 pages long – the bad news is that the writing is so small you need a microscope to read the instructions.  Nice pictures though.

At this stage I still have not got our new toy off the floor!  It won’t stand up.      Ah! Remove the polystyrene      and some purple bits in a bag with another warning that I will look at later.

Still on step 5!  The user guide page 2, assembly instructions.  Yippee.      First, close the wand cap cover – what’s the wand cap?      I should have read page 1 – it’s a list of all the goodies in the box – wand cap / cable winder / cyclone release catch / shroud (worrying) / sole plate (no fish included) / airway inspection u-bend (must be something to do with those plastic bags).  It’s a pity the small print stopped me getting the Degree in Engineering I am going to need to operate this supersonic thing.

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Back to step 5!  Slide the hose into the runners – what hose?  Must be the one still in the bottom of the box.  Oh! and there is the wand.       No Paul Daniels included!  The wand has extra cardboard wrapping complete with impossible to undo cellotape.      Careful with the scissors (also not included).  Perhaps they should have used magic tape around the wand.  Surprise, surprise, attached to the wand (with a plastic tie that needs the scissors again     ) is a QUICK START booklet.

Two hours ago this would have been very useful – no words, just pictures of how to assemble the beast in 3 EASY CLICKS.

What a pity they were packed in the bottom of the box.

Next time Mr Dyson “I will take the money”.  Now I’ll get rid of all the packaging, have a cup of tea and maybe then and will feel up to opening the purple bits in the plastic bags.

And finally, maybe when I get to bed, I will have time to read the little book given away free with every purchase “The Story of Dyson” – the man who likes to make things work better!

p.s.  If you still need help, ring the Dyson Customer Helpline – the number is on the back page of the user guide.  Just find your magnifying glass first!

 

Posted in ELDERLY MARKET | Tagged , | 4 Comments

“Tensions between generations?”

An insightful and inciting article in The Times by economics correspondent Anatoly Kaletsky poses a challenging question for us all in the years ahead.  He rightly points out that the current difficult economic crisis is nothing compared to the full cost we will all eventually have to pay for the under-funded pensioners and longer lives of the Baby Boomer generation. 

It’s an extended view of the future economic outlook which few people have seriously contemplated.  Kaletsky suggests that this will lead to significant conflict between generations of the old and the young, while society struggles to fund the dramatically increased cost of health care for the elderly at the expense of paying for education for the young.

If the figures quoted in the article are correct, the future cost of providing for our ageing population will be six times the amount which has been spent bailing the banks out of the recent credit crunch.

It is at this point that the very good economic analysis starts to deteriorate into more provocative and divisive solutions.  Kaletsky’s suggested “rational solution” (an echo of the ‘final solution’) is for Government to cut back on pensions, healthcare and long-term care.

I would agree that the Government’s resources need to be focused on only supporting those in greatest need, which means that those people who have saved and bought their own homes will need to cash them in to pay for their own future healthcare.  Kaletsky’s proposition is that the Baby Boomer generation, who have had a feather-bedded life so far will not do this voluntarily.  In a later life demonstration of grey power, they will vote for self-interest at the expense of the younger generation. 

What I think he is overlooking is that the younger generation are the children and grand-children of the Baby Boomers.  I believe these family ties still bind the generations together, especially in adversity.

Panicked by the enormity of the funding problem ahead, certainly our politicians have failed us so far by burying their heads in the sand rather than facing the task. 

Lack of leadership on this issue could mean the “glass half empty” conclusions of Kaletsky’s article could become reality:-

Tensions between young and old in terms of tax and spending.

        A crystallised view of the elderly as a burden on society.

        Ever more rationed health and social care services.

Life prolonging drugs and treatments denied as an NHS free service.  (This has already started).

Retirement age being extended to 70 and beyond.

The right to vote being denied to old people over the age of 75.  (Kaletsky’s suggestion).

And unspoken:-

Widespread assisted suicide encouraged with free bus passes to Swiss clinics.

Or just continue with the current system which already includes social isolation and neglect.

Fortunately there is a “glass half full” happier alternative we could follow which has a less cynical view of Baby Boomers:-

They could release the unearned equity in their houses to buy themselves new life styles in later life.

More active and socially involved lives could lead to healthier lifestyles and lower demand on health services.

Older people would be seen to be socially valuable if there were more organized ways for them to give back to society.

The Government could pay higher state pensions to those who complete two years of part-time voluntary service.

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76th Birthday? Move to the Country

As I write this blog sitting in my quiet country cottage garden, I may be about to be joined by thousands of older people.  An official report by the Government Office of National Statistics confirms that you are likely to live longer in the country.

It’s something to do with fresh air, healthy lifestyles, oh! and being richer.  Only Governments would need to spend money on research to conclude something that is common sense to so many people.  Over 2.4 million people have already moved to more rural surroundings.  70% of country dwellers were not born there.

Villages in Dorset have the longest living residents, so you don’t have to spoil my rural tranquility.

However if you’re a 76 year-old man you do need to get moving – in the town you could die any time now but in the country you have two more years ahead of you!  (Ladies your figures are 81 in town and 82/83 in the country).

So if you’re reading this and 76, hop on a bus right now and move.  Unless of course you have heard of the expression “lies, damned lies and statistics”.

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Ageism Czar

After 18 months in the job at the age of 77, Dame Joan Bakewell has decided to step down from the role of Czar for Older People.

What is the role about?

What are the outcomes to be achieved?

What has been achieved by the Czar so far?

Certainly there has been a lot of discussion about the elderly in the run up to the 2010 election, but all the promises have amounted to nothing.  The proposals have all been kicked into the long grass of a Commission.  A Czar without power or even influence is not a vehicle for social policy and can achieve very little.  Will a Commission fare any better?

If the Czar is just a figure-head, who should be the next Czar?

How about the Queen, she qualifies age-wise and has the status to command a Royal hearing?

If not, how about Dame Vera Lynn if she can get in the hit parade at 90, who knows what more she can do?

Alternatively, a younger but ageing rocker – Roger Daltry, from The Who could talk about “my generation”?

Or how about Cliff Richard on a concert tour at the age of 70 – he could put new meaning into “The Young Ones”.

Joanna Lumley, certainly stuck it to the Government on behalf of the Gurka’s perhaps she would do an equally belligerent job for all old people? 

Posted in ELDERLY UK POLICY | 2 Comments

Grey Power

After an article about exercise equipment in Hyde Park for the older generation, there was a tongue-in-cheek follow-up in the Times’ letters by Susan Whitfield of London, 22 May 2010, which suggests connecting the exercise machines to the National Grid and using them to make energy.  She goes on to propose having machines in every park and pedestrian precinct.

Maybe since they have so much spare time, all retired people should have to do an hour a day of “energy generation exercise” to earn their entitlement to a State Pension.

The wealthy and the frail could pay more energetic pensioners to do their exercise for them – an “E.G.E. off set”.

Power companies could compete for elderly power workers by designing and building the most interesting exercise machines.

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The Millenium Wheel could be converted into a vast treadmill and relocated in Hyde Park.  Then hundreds of old people could go on a stroll in the park and produce energy at the same time.

Roman slave ship scale rowing machines could be moored all along the Thames for all London pensioners to do their daily exercise and generation.

How many more ideas are there for older people to exercise and create energy?

It certainly brings a whole new meaning to the older generation and to “grey power”.

 

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Wrinkly Smiles

Who says wrinkles are bad?  The cosmetics industry do for sure.  Treatments come on the market almost every day.

Here is one of the latest good news products:-

A laser treatment that promises a new complexion after only one 40 minute treatment.  Sounds like almost instant success.

The bad news is that it hurts !  Your skin will appear bright red !  It can be sore and hot for up to a week before it peels off !  Sounds like an expensive case of sunburn !

Maybe wrinkles are not so bad after all? 

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