Coronapop Brain Fog

Coronapop is exhausting.    I am tired of it now.     It came from nowhere and in no time at all it’s everywhere.

It has replaced the weather as the first daily topic of conversation.    “How many people have got it?”      “ How many people have died?”     “What are the latest rules?”     “Can I go out?”     “Masked or  unmasked?”    “How far?”     “Is a trip to Durham out of the question?”

“Are the shops open?.”     “Are the pubs shut?”    “Is it Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday?”      It must be one of those.

“Have we Brexited yet?”     Thank God we have not exited yet.

Coronapop is confusing.    Coronapop is confounding.    Most of all and worryingly Coronapop is compounding.

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Elderly Commodity—- continued

This is a continuation of my previous post commenting on the Sunday Times Insight investigation into the Government/ NHS handling of the Coronapop crisis.

At the beginning they were focused on preventing the NHS from being overwhelmed, which is understandable given what had already happened in Italy.   They succeeded, but at quite a cost both financially and in older peoples lives.

Then our “leaders” became rabbits in the headlights of the media.    Questioning their every move and picking up on every mistake.    The holier than thou Laura Kunsberg, the sarcastic Robert Peston and the ever right Piers Morgan.      Add to this a leaky Cabinet  and a multiplicity of scientific uncertainty.     Not a great place for calm considered decision making.    More an environment for headless chickens and  off the cuff action.

Gradually we got the situation under control.    Our hospitals were underwhelmed and we had paved our way from a health crisis to a financial crisis.    The phoney war was over but the real war was still to begin.  That is why we need to wake up and learn some lessons, beyond the media frenzy and without the ever-present blame culture that obscures reality.

Older people are still at risk both from Corona virus and from ageist attitudes in the health service.    Nor have we addressed the poor standards in Social Care.   It is not just about money.    Extra money is needed in social care to pay for higher training levels and higher wages for staff, but it is usually siphoned off to pay for greedy venture capitalists.

Which brings me on to the second headline in the Sunday Times, which is about a takeover bid for McCarthy & Stone.     This too sees older people as a commodity, in this case for a US investment company called Lone Star.     McCarthy & Stone were the leading private sector provider of retirement housing until they lost interest in older people and just became a business to be traded on the Stock Market.   They had a market value of over a billion pounds before Coronapop came along, but now they are valued at nearer half that.     Lone Star have bid £630million, which means older people are still worth something, but not as much as they used to be.
These guys are just gamblers, they may make money but they will do little to improve the lives of older people.

It is the same callous attitude that sees older people as a commodity to be exploited.   We are all to blame for this approach, we need to reappraise what we value most.

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Elderly Commodity

Two headlines in the Sunday Times on 25 October grabbed my attention:-

  • “Revealed: how elderly paid price of protectingNHS from Covid”  was the front page story of an investigation onto how older people were treated by the NHS during the first wave of the Coronavirus.
  • ”McCarthy & Stone bid raises alarm over buyouts” was another front page story,  but this time in the section on Business & Money.

At first sight they are unrelated, but they are curiously intertwined.  They are both about the value of older people in society, or maybe I should say the lack of value.

The first article is an Insight investigation into the Governments actions and NHS response to the first coronavirus shock wave.    In a hindsight review it is easy to be cleverer from the sidelines and tempting to point blame, but we should also remember the heat and fog of the battle.   In February there is no question that we were ill prepared and not sure what we had to deal with.     So after dithering for a month we made the problem worse.    The “ just in time” philosophy had run out of time.

The long standing problems of the past had caught up with us.     A pandemic report written three years previously had not been acted upon, so we were caught with our PPE pants down.   Equally important was the bed blocking in the NHS by older people unable to be discharged because of the emaciation of community care and the poor standard of residential care.    The lack of a plan for Social Care over many years all added to the problem.   These are deep roots which the Sunday Times investigation didn’t go into.
It is certainly true that when the fire has started it is better to concentrate on putting it out first.   So that is what the Government/NHS did.     They put out the old people!      A decades long issue solved in a few weeks, created instant capacity in our hospitals.     What is even more impressive is the building of the Nightingale hospitals in an instant.   What a shame they couldn’t have responded years earlier by providing Patient Hotel accommodation for the ‘bed blockers’.

Next we come to where they put the old people.  Half went back home and half were sent to residential care homes.     None were tested for coronavirus nor was there any extra health support.    Then came the Catch 22 solution – it was important that they didn’t bounce back into hospital, so new more stringent admission criteria were concocted to make readmission almost impossible.   This was the NHS washing its hands of older people.

A Final Solution with empty Nightingale hospitals instead of gas chambers!

This is a very dark place which nobody would consciously wish to get to, but if we don’t  watch out we will walk into to it again with our eyes closed.     These are attitudes to ageing which should have nothing to do with access to health care.

I have not singled out any individual because I think we are all to blame for allowing the prevarication over Social Care to persist for so long.

This story will continue in my next post …..

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Coronapop Poem

 

When I was a child,

I always knew.

Corona pop was for me,

not you!

Coronapop is in my head,

it wakes me up when I go to bed.

I think about it every day,

it will not go away.

 

Switch on the tele and it’s there,

so frequently now that I don’t care.

Open the paper and it’s on the front page,

just someone else, all in a rage.

 

It totally dominates the News,

with every possible scientists views.

On one thing they all agree,

of Coronapop we will never be free.

 

I wouldn’t have minded when I was young,

Corona pop was so much fun.

But now it has a whole new meaning.

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LLLP GOES VIRAL

The Last Laugh Looney Party is beginning to have a global influence.   It has gone viral.    Rather like Coronapop 🤡

Ever since the LLLP started its investigation into UK Government spending and began to come up with radical recommendations for reform, other countries have started to follow suite.   Here are some examples:-

SLIMMING DOWN PARLIAMENT. 

After abolishing the House of Commons and the House of Lords on the recommendation of the LLLP, there has been some copycat action in Italy.     The radical governing party has decided to slim down its own Government by 350 MP’s.    That will get them down to about 600 parliamentarians, but they still have a long way to go to catch up with Bodj who will only have 100 MP’s and 100 Senators.    Still it’s a good start and politicians all around the world will be quaking in their boots in case this viral idea spreads.   I wonder what it’s R number is ?   In this case R stands for redundancy.     The politicians will all be wearing masks, socially isolating and desperately seeking a vaccine 🤡

ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ON FERRIES.   

It was not long ago that the LLLP proposed that Bodj should use rust bucket ships to house tax dodgers and expense-fiddling MP’s.  Now the recent Home Secretary Pritty Petal is looking to buy up old ferries to house illegal immigrants.   She could be a lot more creative and use cruise liners like the Diamond Princess and sail them around the world, in the hope that they find somewhere else they like better.   They could take the MP’s with them.

WINDMILLS FOR POWER.  

In his first address to the Conservative Party conference Bodj proposed to surround the UK  with offshore wind farms.    He must have pinched the idea from the LLLP comments on the Department of Energy.   ( See the blog entitled “ LLLP  investigates the BEIS “  by clicking on LLLP in the TAG cloud).     Sadly Bodj missed the point about also having hydro power for when the wind doesn’t blow and solar power for when the sun shines.   Maybe he can announce them at next years conference.

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Coronapop Rugby🏉

I last posted about rugby way back in June, when I thought the season was all over and Leicester Tigers were at the bottom of the table (bar Saracens who were relegated for cheating ).  But, I was wrong !
Prime Minister Bodj allowed the season to restart in August and with a new manager – Steve Ballsup – Tigers managed to lose some more games and drop out of Europe.
Stevie decided to give everyone a game and even called up some car park attendants, since there were no cars and no spectators.      One of his master strokes was to offload Manu Tuilagi to Sale and save Tigers a lot of money.     Not surprisingly Manu got injured after a couple of games and will be off for six months!  A familiar story to Tigers fans🤡

Sadly Tigers team of musical chair players and car park attendants still ended up bottom but one in the league at the end of the season in October.    But all is not lost yet, there are the play off finals to come.   Tigers are not in the finals, but they could be in this strangest of all seasons 🤡

Exeter are due to play Wasps at Twickenham in the Premiership play off Final, but some of the Wasps got stung by Coronapop, so the Old Farts at the RFU have asked Bristol to stand by.    But Bristol have just come back from winning the European Challenge Cup in France so they should be quarantined.    Stevie has already engaged some no win no fee lawyers to argue our case.      That takes us down to Sale who all had Coronapop last week and an injured Manu, so obviously they can’t play.     Then there is Northampton who were the super spreaders who gave Coronapop to Sale, so they should be disqualified for unfair play.
Just a few more outbreaks of Coronapop amongst the other teams and Tigers car park attendants could be in the Final.

    Well done Stevie !    What a turnaround !

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Bodj Technology

This is the final broadcast by Bodj on his manifesto for a brighter future.   If you have been tuning into Bodj’s earlier broadcasts you will recall that he has convincingly demonstrated his breakthrough thinking on keeping us all safe, healthy and well educated.    The last programme showed how Bodj will lead the world on climate change.
The final chapter of the manifesto will deal with the all pervading subject of technology.

This is Bodj’s script for tonight :-

“I coined the word “ MOONSHOT” to describe my aspiration for the Test, Track and Trace system.     And we know how well that went!

Now we need a galaxy conquering “SUNSHOT” to get our world beating, BREXIT free, economy going again.     My previous Chancellor, Rushi Havesnomemoney, got us into £trillions of debt.     I firmly believe technology holds the golden key to a brighter future.

As a result of Coronapop, I have closed down all the shops and in future you can get everything you need from the worlds one-stop shop Amazon.   They will only accept on-line orders and payments.      No money will change hands so you won’t have to wash your hancs fifty times a day.      Delivery will be by drone so you will not need to see or speak to a real person.     Amazon have generously agreed to pay £1 a year in taxes, for the exclusive rites to provide this service throughout the UK.    Except, that is for Scotland, where delivery will be by very slow bicycle, until they agree to stop banging on about independence.

Turning to health,  I am delighted to announce that technology has once again saved the day.    Our Nightingale hospitals will replace all existing NHS hospitals and all operations will be carried out by Amazon robots under the close, but remote supervision of Matt Handcockup, with his laptop computer.    Matt has been promoted to Surgeon General, after his heroics with Coronapop.
Since our GP’s  all disappeared during the Coronapop crisis I have decided to do without them in future and use the excellent 111 phone service instead.      When you eventually get through to the automatic exchange, you will be asked to type in your symptoms and an Amazon robot will tell you what’s wrong with you.    The Amazon pharmacy will then deliver your pills in whatever time slot they have available.

Finally, I must cover education, because children are our future and especially now they have the vote !       Schools and teachers and most of all exams were all a bit of a pain, even at Eaton.    We want our children to be happy and not have to suffer a mentally stressful education.    So I propose to learn from the Coronapop close down and close schools and universities for good.     Education will be delivered remotely in Amazon YouTube videos, supported by the Amazon Education Helpline.    And it is all free !, although there will be frequent adverts.”

THAT’S   ALL   FOLKS !

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BODJ CARS 🤡

This post is all about Bodj’s world leading approachch to climate change.   He decided on this after he met the 5 year old Nobel prize-winning Greta Young Bird, who seems to know everything about it.

He will inform the  Nation in tonight’s TV broadcast, which he fully expects to go global, because it is so ground breaking.   here is a preview of the script :~

“ I have learned a lot from Greta and all the other children who demonstrated alongside her, whilst skiving off school.     There is no doubt that the climate is hotting up,which is why I have asked for everybody’s temperature to be checked when they go in a shop or a restaurant or on a plane or in fact if they go anywhere at all.      Anyone whose temperature is over 97 degrees in England, or 97.5 in Wales, or 70 degrees in Scotland or Ireland will be required to quarantine for six weeks until they cool down.   It is lower in Scotland and Northern Ireland because they have a pre-existing condition of being hot headed.

We need to get people back to work so we will start by building reservoirs everywhere and harnessing hydro electricity, as well as stopping all the flooding every year.      The prisoners in all our jails can dig the holes by hand and all my former Cabinet Ministers can help them, because they were good at digging holes too.

Next we will build windmills all along Hadrians Wall to take advantage of all the hot air that blows down from Scotland.   That should stop Nickola Stergeron from huffing and puffing all the time.

Now for the MASTERSTROKE that is the lesson I learned from the Coronapop lockdown.      Pollution was down, road accidents were down, consumption was down,  travel was down, carbon emissions were down, the pound was down, almost  everything was down thanks to Coronapop.     Even my poll ratings are down☹️

After my great success with Boris bikes in London and now that I have brought everything else to a standstill,  I had a light bulb moment 💡     I am introducing my very own, totally unique, green as green can be, BODJ CARS 🤡.      They will be powered by electricity and have a maximum range of twenty miles to ensure that nobody goes more than ten miles away from home.    Also, they won’t have any headlights, so everyone will have to be home before dark.      That way we won’t need any more lockdowns.

I have every confidence this idea of mine will catch peoples imagination all around the world and help defeat Coronapop everywhere.

So please vote Bodj at the Election and I am counting on the children to nominate me for a Nobel prize for climate change.”

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Bodjing Education

My two previous posts began to map out the Bodj manifesto for the next General Election.    In my next broadcast to the Nation I will tell you my thoughts on education.

“ I learned a lot from the lock down period earlier this year, when schools were working with far less teachers and our Universities stopped doing anything.   Results improved in spite of my hapless Education Secretary – Gavnotmyfault.   Most teachers stayed at home doing nothing and I think we should let them carry on doing that, although of course we won’t be paying them.     The teaching unions argued that schools shouldn’t go back to normal, so now they have what they wanted🤡

In future the new socially-distanced schools will operate at one third capacity and for the rest of the time pupils will work from home.    The results will no doubt continue to improve if teachers estimate them.   That should save us quite a few £billions in not having to pay for all those surplus teachers.

Our world class universities miraculously managed to send all the students home and still give them degrees.    So from now on remote learning will become the new norm in an expanded Open University, that will replace all other universities.   Students will no longer have to do all that drinking and partying and demonstrating.   Another fortune saved 🤡

Colonel Tom says he went to the university of hard knocks and he did OK.   Markus Rashford said he did alright playing football.    The Last Laugh Looney Party commended  Bodj on his masterstroke of educational reform, which should make all young people really good at reeding, rioting and rithmatic and they will all have first class degrees.       Coco just wagged her tail at the thought of more children to play within the park.

Bodj said I think the children will particularly enjoy not having exams and going to skool a lot less.   So in another great  Bodj innovation, I have decided to lower the voting age to FIVE.“

Bodj wants to tell children if they can’t read the voting paper just put a cross against his picture 🤡

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Bodjing Health.

Following the last post, this is a continuation of Prime Minister Bodj’s presentation of his all new, radical reforms to Defence, Health and Education.   This will form the basis of his Election manifesto for the upcoming General Election.

Tonight the broadcast to the Nation will cover the subject on everybody’s minds —- Health.      Bodj will outline the lessons he has learned from the Coronapop pandemic beyond hands, face and space 🤡

“First of all I want to thank everybody in  our NHS for their hard work during the Coronapop pandemic.  Trillions have been spent and judging by the calls for even more money there could be trillions more to go.   The NHS is an insatiable beast !

Who knew they would need quite so much PPE and then all those ventilators?   When we got them at great expense, they didn’t use them all !    Just look at all those pop-up Nightingale hospitals —— never used ! 
However, I did learn some valuable lessons from Matt Handcockup’s  mistakes.   He solved the bed blocking crisis by turfing out all the old people and locking the doors to A&E, so we should continue with that in future.
Similarly all the GP’s shut up shop and referred everybody to 111 who referred everybody Back to A&E.    It saved a fortune especially since the 111 service is pay as you go.
So after Coronapop is over I have decided to take the bold step of closing the NHS and out-sourcing Health Services to Amazon Robotics.   This will keep all patients socially distanced in the Amazon Nightingale hospitals where Matt Handswashed, the newly appointed Surgeon General,  will co-ordinate all operations on Zoom.  Aftercare will be provided by Amazon Pharmacy who will deliver all your pills and dressings by drone; together with a look-after-your-self Amazon post-op package and a get well card from Bodj. 
We expect to save trillions by having no staff.      This will be a much more personal service. “
Colonel Tom says “The field hospitals we had in the war were in tents and they seemed OK in the jungle.    Maybe we could call some Vera Lynn hospitals.”

Markus Rashford said “Footballers injuries should be a priority, because they are keeping the Nation entertained with balls.”

 The Last Laugh Looney Party says “Don’t  forget to get some shares in Amazon they are taking over the World”

Coco barked  “ Vets services should also be free on the NHS.   Equality for dogs.  Can I play ball with Markus?    Woof!  Woof !”

VOTE FOR BODJ.  THE MAN WITH BIG IDEAS and balls 🤡 

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